Help because your fiance's daughter - 44-ish punishes her father if he goes out with you and he's now afraid of marrying you?

Answer 1

The father and daughter may have a co-dependent relationship. It sounds like she acts like a jealous wife. A common answer when a man breaks his word because of his child is that he's a wimp or a bum. He could, however, just be using his daughter and, figuratively, "throwing her under the bus," or, he could genuinely love you and just be afraid of losing his daughter's love if he shows you love.

Many people would say forget him and, "Move on." However, this man, and, for that matter his daughter, need help. Does he have other children? Are they loved equally, or are their relationships also lop-sided in favor of the jealous daughter? When you really love someone, you may be willing to wait for them, but, this man needs serious psychological counseling. So do his daughter and any other children in the family.

What about their mother? Did she divorce him because of the daughter? Is she still around? The daughter needs to develop her own life. The father can't control that. Yet, the father needs to develop his own life, too. If and only if he realizes that will he be capable of being a good husband, parent, and grandparent. He will really be incapable of any true relationships if he allows his daughter such power over him.

His friends may be aware of his weird relationship with his daughter and yet be afraid to tell him the truth. He probably asks them to feel better about his choice of the daughter over himself, which deep down he knows is wrong and he likely knows it causes him to do wrong to others, too.

If he loves you, he should be mature enough to stand-up to his daughter, even though she is co-dependent, or, at least, extremely spoiled and selfish. It is hateful for her to prevent her father from true happiness. It is destructive to herself, too. What will happen to her when her father dies? She will likely leach on to anyone else she can find dumb enough to be sucked bloodless. Poor pop will turn over in his grave, He thought she loved him!

True love is possible at any age, but, if the daughter is a leach on her father, instead of developing her own life, she can prevent both of them from true joy.

Welcome other answers, too, because this is one opinion only. But, I think it is a good one.

Since you asked the question, it is likely you feel the relationship is worth salvaging. Good luck. Be prepared to move on. Trust your instincts though...if you think he's a gem, in spite of the daughter, there must be goodness in his heart and perhaps there will be a miracle.