How can you convince your boyfriend that he needs to stop cutting himself and stop attempting suicide?

Answer 1

Cutters usually cut themselves because they are depressed, or unhappy with certain aspects of their life, or because they feel unloved or unlovable. When they cut themselves, it's a form of emotional release, but it's also a cry for help. Some cutters also cut themselves because they prefer the physical pain to help them forget the emotional pain. But what they need to realize is, no matter how often they cut themselves, the emotional pain, and the problems that cause it will still be there. You can't substitute one problem for another.

Talk to your friend and let her (cutters are mostly female) know that there is always a solution to any problem she may have. No matter how bad it seems, there is no problem that can't be fixed - none. Tell her she needs to talk to someone, her parents, another older relative, or the school counselor - an adult whom she trusts will be able to help her get the help she needs.

If she won't talk to someone, tell her that you will, and then do it. But tell her that it's because you love her that you are doing this. If you didn't care for her, you wouldn't care if she cut herself or not, and you wouldn't care how much emotional pain she is in. She may feel you are betraying her, but you aren't. You may actually be saving her life. Some cutters do eventually end up attempting suicide, so there does need to be an intervention.

If you feel her parents are the best ones to talk to about her cutting, then talk to them and tell them what she is doing. But if her parents, for what ever reason, are not the ones you feel are the best ones to talk to, then talk to your parents about her. They will be able to let you know who, in your area, will be the best one to help her. Your parents may even be able to talk to her and help her.

She is lucky to have a friend like you who cares enough about her to be so concerned and to try to get help for her. So take that first step and tell your friend that because you do care, you will talk to someone for her if she doesn't. You may save her life.

Answer 2

You can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-TALK

It would be good if your boyfriend would call but if he doesn't then you can call and talk to someone who is a professional for free and who will keep things confidential.

First off, people who cut themselves ARE NOT seeking attention or crazy. They are not much different than a person who becomes an alcoholic, uses drugs, etc., to deaden their emotional pain.

Before I go any further it's important for you to know these facts to help your boyfriend:

People who cut themselves do it to "feel better" or, they do it because they feel they deserve to harm themselves over something they feel guilty about. Sometimes it's obsessive behavior and it's a "rush" for the person to do this to themselves. Most do it in private, yet more women will do it in a public place such as their therapist's office, school, and if they do it in private they want others to see what they have done or, some will hide it. Remember, in this group of self-inflicted mutilation, there are many reasons why a person does so.

It's important that you try to understand why your boyfriend cuts himself, and try to convince him to see a psychiatrist because there is help for him out there. Don't be surprised if he refuses and you may have to decide to leave him. However, while you are with him do these things:

NOTE FROM MARCY: PSYCHIATRIST (CAN PRESCRIBE DRUGS) PSYCHOLOGIST (CAN'T PRESCRIBE DRUGS, BUT CAN CONTACT A DOCTOR TO PRESCRIBE MEDICATIONS IF NEEDED.)

Listen to him Don't think YOU are causing this problem in him Don't think he's trying to hurt you by doing this to himself Don't shame him over this action Don't get angry or call him names Don't yell or threaten him (it only makes matters worse.) Remember that he is not cutting himself to get attention If he needs to go to the hospital be sure he receives the same care a person would with an accidental cut or wound. Few people who cut themselves actually commit suicide there is a law "the right to injure oneself." This means the person does superficial harm to themselves, but goes no further and does not harm others. He should never be treated by the medical profession as a freak, crazy, or forced into a psychiatric ward in a hospital. It's against the law!

It's important that you try to get him to agree to seek psychiatric treatment because there is no reason he can't lead a normal and promising future. People who cut themselves are in deep emotional pain.

WHAT IS SELF-INJURY: It's an act of attempting to alter a mood state by inflicting physical harm serious enough to cause tissue damage to ones body. Approx., 1% of the United States population uses physical self-injury as a way of dealing with overwhelming feelings or situations often using it to speak when no words will come.

WHAT IS SELF-INJURIOUS BEHAVIOR? The forms can vary, but the most commonly seen behavior is cutting, burning and head-banging. Other forms are: carving, scratching, branding, marking, burning/abrasions, biting, bruising, hitting, picking/pulling skin and hair.

IT IS NOT SELF-INJURY WHEN: it's for sexual gratification, body decoration (e.g. body piercing, tattooing); spiritual enlightenment via ritual or fitting in or being cool.

WHY DOES SELF-INJURY MAKE SOME PEOPLE FEEL BETTER? It reduces physiological and psychological tension rapidly. People who practice self-mutilation get emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately. In other words, they feel a strong uncomfortable emotion, don't know how to handle it and know hurting themselves will reduce the emotional discomfort extremely quickly. They may still feel bad (or not), but they don't have that panicky, jittery trapped feeling, it's a calm, bad feeling.

Abused or not people who self mutilate were taught at an early age how to interpret their feelings (holding back) or that how they handled them was wrong. They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. NOT ALL people who harm themselves were abused. Sometimes invalidation and lack of role models for coping are enough, especially if the person's brain chemistry has already primed them for choosing self-harm.

Problems with neurotransmitters may play a role. Just as the brain uses serotonin re depression may play a role with this problems as well. Some researches theorize that a desire by harming oneself induces endorphins, the body's natural painkillers.

WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE SELF-INJURE: They come from all walks of life and all economic back-grounds. People who harm themselves can be male or female, straight, gay, or bisexual, Ph.Ds or high-school dropouts or high school students, rich or poor; from any country in the world. They manage to function effectively in demanding jobs, they are teachers, therapists, medical professionals, lawyers, professors, engineers or office workers, mechanics, students, parents, stay-at-home moms, etc. The incident of self-injury is about the same as an eating disorder, but because it's so highly stigmatized, some people will hide their scars, burns, and bruises carefully. They also have excuses ready when someone asks about the scars.

AREN'T PEOPLE WHO DELIBERATELY CUT/BURN THEMSELVES PSYCHOTIC? No more than people who drown their sorrows in a bottle of vodka. It's a coping mechanism, just not one that's as understandable to most people or as accepted by society as Alcoholism, drug abuse, overeating, anorexia and bulimia, workaholism, smoking, etc.

ISN'T IT JUST ANOTHER WAY TO DESCRIBE A FAILED SUICIDE ATTEMPT? NO!!!! Self-injury is a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to stay alive! People who inflict physical harm on themselves are often doing it in an attempt to maintain psychological integrity -- it's a way to keep from killing themselves. They release unbearable feelings and pressures through self-harm, and that eases their urge toward suicide. Although some people who self-injure do later attempt suicide, they almost always use a method different from their preferred method of self-harm. A person who self-harms themselves are no more prone to suicide than a person with an eating disorder, anxiety issues, break-downs, grieving, etc.

CAN ANYTHING BE DONE FOR PEOPLE WHO HURT THEMSELVES? YES!!!! Several websites offer self-help ideas. Many new therapeutic approaches have been and are being developed to help self-harmers learn new coping mechanisms and teach them how to start using those techniques instead of self-injury. These approaches reflect a growing belief among mental health workers that once a client's patterns of self-inflicted violence stabilize, real work can be done on the problems and issues underlying the self-injury. Also, research into medications that stabilize mood, ease depression and calm anxiety is being done; some of these drugs may help reduce the urge to self-harm.

WHAT PROBLEMS MAY BE ENCOUNTERED WHEN GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP? Self-injury brings out many uncomfortable feelings in people who don't do it; revulsion, anger, fear, and distaste, to name a few. If a medical professional is unable to cope with his/her own feelings about self-harm, then he/she has an obligation to themselves and to his/her client to find a practitioner willing to do this work. In addition, he/she has the responsibility to be certain the client understands that the referral is due to her own his/her own inability to deal with self-injury and not to any inadequacies in the patient.

People who self-injure do generally so because of an internal dynamic, and not in order to annoy, anger or irritate others. Their self-injury is a behavioral response to an emotional state, and is USUALLY not done in order to frustrate caretakers.

WHAT PROBLEMS MAY BE ENCOUNTERED IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM? In ERs, people with self-inflicted wounds are often told directly and indirectly, that they are not as deserving of care as someone who has an accidental injury. They are sometimes treated badly by the same doctors who would not hesitate to do everything possible to preserve the life of an overweight, sedentary heart-attack patient.

Doctors in ER and urgent-care clinics should be sensitive to the needs of patients who come in to have self-inflicted wounds treated. If the patient is calm, denies suicidal intent, and has a history of self-inflicted violence, the doctor should treat the wounds as they would treat non-self-inflicted injuries. Refusing to give anesthesia for stitches, making disparaging remarks, and treating the patient as an inconvenient nuisance simply further the feelings of invalidation and unworthiness the self-injurer already feels.

Although offering mental health follow-up services in appropriate, psychological evaluations with an eye toward hospitalization should be avoided in the ER unless the person is clearly a danger to his/her own life or to others. In places where people know that self-inflicted injuries are liable to lead to mistreatment and lengthy psychological evaluations, they are much less likely to seek medical attention for their wounds and thus, are at a higher risk for wound infections and other complications.

• ** NOTE: THE ABOVE IS FROM A MEDICAL PAPER.

Hon, I really hope this has helped you, and it's an interesting subject and one I am sure many on this board may suffer from, or know of someone who is suffering from it. It's sad, and the self-inflicter is of no danger to you, is not trying to get your attention and it doesn't mean that person doesn't love you. With all their emotional wounds, they just want to FEEL SOMETHING!

Good luck & God Bless Marcy

AnswerYou can't convince him; he needs to see a mental health professional as soon as possible.

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As someone who self harms (I have BPD) the rather long first answer covers it well. Generally self injury has a specific purpose. Usually it is a coping method to deal with hard emotions, some people like to convert emotional pain to physical pain. Some people SI to punish themselves. It is complicated enough to be worth getting your boyfriend to see a doctor for assessment, maybe counselling. Often SI covers up a more difficult mental health issue and once the SI is dealt with the other problem becomes active.

Self harming is not really linked to suicide although in Borderline PD ppl, there is a strong correlation.

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From personal experience I have BPD2 with psychotic features, cutting CAN lead to suicide. I was a cutter, and that wasn't enough for me so I got into drugs, alcohol, more cutting, and bam. Next thing you know I've tried to kill myself 13 times. 4 ODs, 2 car involved, a few other misc.