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Well this is a difficult question because it is difficult to break the cycle of violence/abuse. Usually, the abuser was abused themselves or grew up around abuse. They may think that it is normal or they may not even recognize that their actions are acceptable. I would advise you to seek out a Victim's Advocate for information; you will be able to ask specific questions and get answers as to the resources out there to help both abusee and abuser. I would say that a tremndous amount of counseling will be required if the couple is to stay together. Or use of the justice system in the form of restraining orders, arrest, or breaking up.

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Well, a young lady that I attended middle and high school with was in a relationship for 2 years before her relationship became abusive. She was 20 and studying psychology at a state university when her boyfriend would beat her physically and emotionally. She realized this all too late, after a while he started to abuse her even more and local law enforcement became involved. For a while they had more and more reports of domestic violence. She could not take it anymore and while he was in jail, she broke it off. Without the necessary help (i.e Victim advocate & counseling for both) she is now dead as of a week ago. He beat her badly and left her to bleed to death in her college apartment. She was found by a few friends that found it unusual that she could not be reached. He never voluntarily turned himself in, but he was picked up by the police in an unrelated matter and investigators uncovered that he murdered this young woman (22 years old) who had so much ahead of her.

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Even I am trying to find an answer to this i.e if there is an answer. My husband punched me on the eye 4 yrs ago and I forgave him thinking it to be an out of the ordinary incident.Silly me!And believe me there was no mention of it from either end for almost 2 yrs,it was like the night mare was over but then the abuse returned initially in the form of blame shifting,progressed to threats and then on suspicion of me freaking out with my much younger nephew!! But as stated by the researches I forgave him once again...but things were never normal again.I had that constant fear at the back of my mind.My life had changed completely.I had started avoiding my family,had begun to limit my social conversations as in I had stopped making any kind of contacts with anyone at all.All of a sudden the chirpy,full of life human being was replaced by asocial person.I had begun to stay indoors most of the time.Anytime I had to go anywhere he had to bethere with me..no i don't think that it was out of compulsion but somehow that's how it had become.If I went to my parents place alone, I would be all the time worried about reaching back home on time so that I was there around him to serve him food, to sit besides him while he watched tv...and so on.

I am out of it now.I have separated from my husband and would be filing for the divorce soon and I could come to this decision only after I made his abuse public.it was only then I realised that none of it was my fault, that I wan't responsible for anything that happened.I realised there was no shame in accepting that u were abused and also that I did not deserved to be treated that way at all.I realised how special I am and no matter how good and sincere I would be the things will never change.

So, the point is that the abusive relationships can never be fixed.The problem is not in the relationship the problem is that person and that perosn will never change.he may change momentarily and forget about the abuse meted out by him but the abusee can never forget it,for the abuse was a attack on her sel-respect,her beliefs,her faith,her dreams,her values...No,it can never be fixed.If we stay with the abuser the thought of the abuse makes us hate him and ourselves a bit more everyday and it starts reflecting in our behaviour in someway or the other...and the abused are always unhappy and don't u feel that we owe it to ourselves to keep our self-esteem intact,don't we deserve to be treated with respect?Don't we have the right to be happy?

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hi I'm a 24 year old male this might sound wierd but I'm the abuser and i want it to quit i don't beat her or anything but there are a few times that it got rough and this last time I hit her to hard and I need help. We love each other with all of our hearts and I know there is NO reason i should ever put my hands on her but I did and I'm scared that I lost her forever I'm starting classes on this and I pray to God that it works.I need one more chance to prove it to myself,her,friends,familiy,ect.I know that some guys are way worse than me and I do not want to get that way.I love my familiy and I never in my life thought that I would do this.And I know most people say to get out of that kind of relationship,but I know I can change for myself and her.I will spend this rest of my life making it up to her.And for someone that is to far in to the abusive relationship please leave before something bad happens.I think I'm at a point in life were I can try to fix this the problem is getting her to believe me,and it kills me to know that I may have lost her forever.To all of the woman going through this I'm very sorry and I hope that you find the right path in life and hang in there.

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You can NEVER ever change an abuser. Haven't you heard? you can never change a man unless he is in his diapers. I have seen it. Witnessed it but not experienced it. WALKAWAY!!!!!. That's that.

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To the 24 yr old male-- Its not crazy I admire you Im going through the same thing right now. In a world with Chris Brown we all know what it looks like to be that monster but so few can tell it from the shoes of an alleged. There minimal information on the internet that support the other side of the coin. Forthcoming with acknowledgement of my own faults I too want to seek help. I'm going to lookin into rage-a-holic annonymous because Although some articles I read say 'they blame it on rage' I have had incidents where Id argue with my parents and start trashing my room and kicking furniture. I need help because it is ruining my life and my relationship. I wish there was more advice about fixing an abusive relationship then just safe ways to leave it. ;\

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I think in most cases the individuals who say that people cannot change their abusive ways are right. However, I do not believe that no one can change. That is like saying that gambling, alcohol and drug addictions cannot be helped. If the individual is commited to changing his behaviour and is willing to put the necessary time and effort into healing himself; I believe it can be done. I am an abuser. Verbal and in a few cases the verbal escalated to physical. It is only after a session of therapy and research that I realized how serious verbal abuse can be on your victim, short term and long term. My wife and partner of 5 years is taking the steps to leave me. This is my rock bottom. Regardless if she stays or leaves I know what I need to do to become a better person. If she wants to stay with me and help me get through this as long as there are no more incidences I would greatly appreciate it if she doesn't, I unerstand her.

There needs to be better resources for people who want help. Communities as a whole will benefit. Knowing there is help out there for abusers is just as important than for abusee's. If the victim leaves the relationship and many times the incidence of verbal abuse is not reported or not taken seriously enough, although the damage can be severe, the abuser will find another victim.

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12y ago
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15y ago

get the hell out! family, friends and then government for help. I did not understand if you are the abusive partner - or the victim of abuse. == What I think you should do is go to a guidance councelor for help. If it gets serious you should go to someone you feel safe with and ask for help. If it makes matters worse then go to the police.

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13y ago

If you are in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do is to tell the counterpart to stop. If they refuse, go to a person you trust (preferably 15 years and up) and tell them all about it. If that does not work for some reason, go to a parent or the cops. Do not be scared to tell on the person that is abusing you, it is illegal. Moreover, it is dangerous. With any luck (and most of it towards success), the abusing will stop and you will go on with your life peacefully.

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15y ago

Break up. No one should treat anyone in an abusive manner. If he/she gets angry at the one who breaks up and it gets out of hand, then call the police. That worked for me. you can also sue them. Leave the person, if you have a child or children it can be harder to do but for your sake and especially your childrens sake it is important that you leave this person

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13y ago

I was dealing with one myself and the only choice I had was to stop hiding. Usually in a abusive environment, the abuser will force you not to tell. The only obvious answer is to do exactly the opposite of what the abuser tells you. Make sure you do it when your alone and when he won't find out. If the abuser is in physical contact with you then you should tell police or a person you trust that can do it for you( without the abuser knowing). Get out of the house, if you have children then get them out as well, go to a friend/ family member that the abuser doesn't know about. If the abuser knows all your family members and friends then go to a hotel ( bring money ) and make sure there is no trace of evidence that the abuser will pick up and know your there. Once at the hotel, call the police. If your married then tell someone how you feel about your abusive partner and consider a divorce.

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9y ago

you get away from that person and call the cops but you cant let your spouse find out

BE SAFE

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Q: What to do if you're in an abusive relationship?
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