How do you help a friend who has borderline personality disorder if her disease makes her push away the people that care about her?

Answer 1

Answer 7/2/08The diagnosis criteria changed in 2000 so that people under the age of 18 now can be diagnosed. If your therapist is telling you other wise you can find the new rule on the internet and share it with them.

The most effective therapy for BPD is DBT or Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It takes a long time to get a result, most knowledgeable therapists say at least 18 months of therapy before you see improvement. It is not your typical therapy inasmuch as you don't just talk about your feelings. You learn new skills and techniques for dealing with your feelings. It is the equivalent of a kid learning to tie his shoes or ride a bicycle. It takes time to learn but you always have the skill after you have learned it.

The other thing to remember is that the new scientific research shows that this is a disorder that is caused by improper functioning of the brain. Their prefrontal cortex does not work like yours does. The chemistry in the brain is way off and they can't help the way that they feel - any more than your epileptic friend can help that they broke your stuff when they had a seizure.

There is hope for people with BPD, it is not the mental health death sentence that it was even 5 years ago. These people can improve with the right therapy and if the family learns about the disease and how to handle it. Parents of diabetic kids have to change their lifestyles and habits to help their kids, these people need the equivalent of that.

Read "New Hope For People With Borderline Personality Disorder" and "Peace Is Every Step" and you will get some great information on how to help your loved one.

AnswerYou cant help her. Actually, continually trying to help her and trying to rescue her may be doing more harm than good. People who have been diagnosed with this personality disorder tend to seek help and attention from others, often to the point of "burning out" friends and family. Some of the personality traits associated with BPD include irrational rage and anger (sometimes violent), self harm, fear of abandoment, create crisis and chaos in their lives, black or white thinking, and difficulty with boundries. No matter how much you love this person, it will NEVER be enough. Having said this, most people who have BPD are great people who are fun and live normal productive lives. The best way to be friends with someone who has BPD is to set clear boundries in times of stress and not get sucked in to needy behavior. Even if this means they will be angry, threaten self harm or suicide. I speak from experience, both personal and proffessional, as I was diagnosed with the "onset" of borderline personality at 14. Since then I have spent many years learning about DBT (dialectical behavior therapy by marsha linehan) which is about coping with negative feelings. My onset of BPD did not develop into the personality disorder and I greatly credit that to this therapy. I now work in the mental health care field, and people with BPD are often treated horribly because they are seen as "troublesome" patients who manipulate the staff and resources, often being checked in and out of hospital with no improvement. I hate seeing this and I believe that with the right help and support people with BPD can be even more successful and have very fufilling relationships. AnswerWhat are the symptoms of BPD? Also could it go away? I seemed to have some behavior sort of BPD not as extreme but nonetheless when I was in my late twenties, maybe off and on.but never told I was BPD. ____________________

I don't know too much about it, but one of the biggest symptoms is the I hate you but don't leave me syndrome where the BPD will push their loved ones away and then try to pull them back in such a way that it is literaly draining on the other person.

AnswerNo, it cant "go away". BPD is a personality disorder, that can be treated but not "cured." In cases where children or teens get a diagnosis, it is usaually because she shows BPD personality traits. You can not effectively diagnose a child / youth with any persoanlity disorder as they have not matured enough. Once a diagnosis is made in adulthood, BPD will not "go away" but the symptoms and its effects on ones life and their relationships can be manged through effective therapy- such as DBT or cognitive therapy.

i myself was diagnosed BPD aged 20 and you CAN recover from it- it has taken me awhile but i am almost well now.