Is it beneficial or rewarding or satisfying to tell a Narcissist that you know who or what he is?

Answer 1

No because they will never believe you. They are so high on themselves (egotistical)and self indulgent, plus the fact they are ALWAYS right and everyone else is wrong and you could have a room full of people telling the narcissist the same thing about himself and he won't believe it. Save your energy and move on.

Good luck

Thanks!It's amazing how consistent everyones answers are! This is the closest I've come to doing this... I said to my ex-N once I began to realize the truth, "Do you realize how much you manipulate me?" (I was being nice just by asking). He said, "No". I also said, "I have someone in my life - a professional, who says you are an actual Narcissist - not just someone with "traits"." He was completely silent with a very blank look on his face. He said he had read about Narcissism and 'did' see some of the traits in himself. This was the most conversation I ever had with him about it. The last day I ever saw him he said, "I know what you think of me.". I didn't respond. I can only hope he knows that I know (because I REALLY want him to know that I KNOW!). Unfortunately, even after that final day with him and my subsequent break-up letter a couple of days following, I still continued to respond to him (texts and emails), I also expressed love and missing. I REGRET THIS TERRIBLY!!!! So he may be left with the idea that either I don't care he is an N or that I no longer think he is - simply by my actions of not cutting off all communication. I did end all contact for 2 months, then resumed for a few days, with the last contact being almost a month ago. I will have victory when that 1 month turns into 1 year without ANY contact. Thanks for ALL your replies! More are welcome!!! glad to helpThis is hard. You just want to tell the a**hole what you really think. How sweet that would be! I look at it this way: The N is not working with a full deck. Even if you could tell them, not much would sink in. I asked my counselor the same question, "What do I do with this feeling that I've been had?" Well, she said that he'd likely be watching out of the corner of his eye, curious if he still has an effect on me-for narcissistic supply-that is. Word will get back to him, "She's moved ON man. She doesn't even THINK about you." And believe me, I'm so busy I almost never stop. I have totally thrown myself into other things. It hurts still, but I console myself to know that the N will never have anything that resembles love. The N is a tortured soul. (Read Sam Vaknin's site. There is a part that describes the N's existence as a living hell. They are never really happy, only desperate!) They DON'T have it over us! They HAVEN"T won. They are bound to their misery FOREVER. WE can heal, move on, love, live. THEY are doomed. So who gives a damn what they think? Hope this helps. Peace to you. ReplyTHANK YOU for both your answers! It helps... It just bothers me that I never explicitly stated my belief/knowledge about him and likely no one else has either. I only alluded to it. He is brilliant so I am sure he's figured out that I know a lot more than I let on to, but possibly not. I have a very prideful side that desperately wants him to know that I am equally as smart, was on to him, and am wise to his ways. I want that satisfaction! In his eyes, everyone else is a fool and I want him to know he didn't fool me! What do I do with this feeling/thought?!! answerI have toyed with the idea, if only to make myself feel better, but then resisted, because it might invite more contact and even give my ex some "narcissistic supply" for him to know I am upset. I know he's got to know what a liar he is and that I certainly know. What hurts me is that sometimes I think he may be laughing at me for taking his S***! Well, I'm going to laugh right back because he no longer has ME. He really blew THAT for sure! I'm also sure that he left because he knew I was on to him. The 'gravy train' shut down and he moved on. He never looked back. He's a lying, cheating no good mental case with a heart of stone. He's pathetic and weak and a real loser. There. I said it! Too bad he'll never read it!

Even if you told them, they would view it as they have power over you. They wouldn't care. I told my ex that I knew and I told him all the games. He admitted to it. That's all. But he just tried different tactics and wore me down even more. Its like telling a drug addict they are a drug addict. Big deal, you know. They still don't stop most of the time. This man knows your not an idiot. He knows you have a genuine belief in the goodness of people and that's what they toy with. They are usually no smarter than anyone, they just use the good in people. Save your energy. I know its not worth to contact them. Whats more important to have the last word or a life of happiness?

MY TAKE

Oh my gosh, it feels soooo good to tell an N that you know about everything. And, honestly, why not? If you are in a safe place, why not? I did ... he didn't reply and haven't heard back. WHY? According to what I've read, he'll avoid me forever because HE knows I KNOW. I don't have to worry about the NCR. I told him and documented all the proof that he cheated and lied and used and manipulated. Basically, I held a mirror up to him. It was sweet justice. I KNOW it affected him because he can't shut up about how crazy I am. The crazier he tells people you are, the more you affected him so DON'T take offense by it. Know that you made an impact and move on. That is the sweetest revenge. He is SOOO afraid I'm going to tell everyone about what I know (his bisexual exploits, his cheating with other girls --> He wants everyone to think he's perfect). Anyway, Thank GOD we used condoms. I'll still be tested for everything but I'm walking away with satisfaction. N's are wimps and cowards. Once he knows you know about some weird stuff, they don't want anyone to know about it. I made copies of everything out of his email (with dates, names, etc) so I could prove it if anyone ever said anything. SO make sure you get proof of everything, put it in a safe place and when you tell him what you know, give DETAILS. Don't be vague. He WON'T validate you out right. He will validate by 1)leaving you the heck alone and 2) trying everything to say how crazy you are. He looks crazy when he talks to people about it, like a wide-eyed, deer in headlights from what people are telling me. Hilarious.

Anyway, yes, feels good. DOn't do it to a sociopathic or pathological N though. You'll know the difference by whether they hit you or not or threaten.

Best!

Answer

Yes, it is rewarding.