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I have observed this question on this page several times. There is really no such thing as "normal psychology." There are several forms of abnormal psychology and issues of mental illness however, this does not appear to fall into that category.

Apparently someone has been hurt rather badly by you and you have failed, for years, to 1) recognise the pain you caused and; 2) make every attempt possible to make the situation right for that person.

You cannot dictate to someone how they should feel and when they should feel it. Often times when people are deeply hurt, or perceive themselves to be deeply hurt, the only way to begin to heal and to forgive is to "feel" that the person who caused the pain truly understands how and why they caused the pain.

Also, what one person may interpret as abuse may or may not be interpreted by another to be abuse. If you cheat on a spouse, it could be viewed as abuse. If you call a spouse derogatory names, it could be viewed as abuse. If you break things in the presence of a spouse, it could be viewed as abuse. Therefore, just because you may believe that you did not abuse this person, perhaps it is simply a matter of perspective.

You should immediately advise this person that what you did was absolutely wrong. You should accept and verbalize to this person that it was not THEIR fault and you should provide a sincere, heartfelt apology. Then you should make yourself available to be comforting this person for as long as it takes and as many times as it takes for them to heal.

This is one way to begin to find forgiveness and common ground. You can either decide to be right or decide to be content (possibly happy).

Good Luck, I hope this helped. Please consider this situation as if the "incident" happened to you. Do you think you would have "gotten over it" in a speedy manner? Even if you do feel that you would have gotten over it already, others do not have the same emotions and/or capacities as you. Apparently, since I get the feeling you are still involved with this person after all these years, you must care about this person. I would do all I could to make this right for them. Merry Christmas.

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Q: Is it normal psychology for someone to perceive an incident as abusive Not talk to the alleged abuser about it Store it to memory and 10 to 15 years later it is told to others as abuse?
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