Is there an average time a Narcissist continues his deceptions and double lives or does he just keep it up until discovered?

Answer 1

I think the N will continue his lies as long as they work. I don't believe there is any set time for this. I finally got the courage to stand up to my N after a year. Things deteriorated rapidly after that until I finally kicked him out. I did get some satisfaction from knowing HE knows I was on to him, even though he probably doesn't care. Neither do I now. He is history. Good luck! They lie forever about everything even denying it while they have been discovered. One N I knew at work went through elaborate means to move his wife out of town to continue his charade as single after I confronted him with reliable proof of his marriage and where she lived. HE continued to the denial for three more years and i harped on him constantly about his wife he didn't want anyone to know about. He INSISTED he was married to her for only six years and then got a divorce in 2000. Finally one day his wife called at work on an emergency and there was no denying it. He was PISSED - but would not say anything one way or the other. I still referred to her as his WIFE and he gave up arguing with me but would tell others she was a lying psycho b***. The charade was starting to crumble. Wasn't long and he ditched his then girlfriend naive, half his age, etc., who figured he was married by then. Then one of his exes came back to work in our office. She had met his wife at the deli where she worked. Some other unrelated stuff happened and the N put in notice to quit. The last week he was flirting and chatting with me like everything was sunshine and roses. THEN (and oh this is good!)... a man called asking to speak to MR *or* MRS ______ Of course I announced it to him in front of everyone. He would not look at me for the rest of the week. Some month later cruising the web I came across court records. He was married in 1988 and then divorced in 2000 BUT remarried the same woman only five months later on what would have been their 13th wedding anniversary in 2001. No divorce records since. So that's a 19 year marriage - NOT six. But there is more. Before this wife he had married three times before each a year apart '82, 83 and 84. He only admitted to having only two wives. I suppose the two other extra ones were annulled. Their facade does crumble, but the thing is he would keep away from those that he KNEW were onto his lies and would continue the BS with others less familiar. If they can't handle it anymore or too many people find out they will make a fast exit but not without one last big confabulation to tell, some adventure or secret mission to undertake. So to answer your question, the narcissist does not ever discontinue his deceptions he just aims it somewhere else. It really does erode their egos for you to keep making vague reference to something you KNOW he is lying about. HE will still deny it of course but keep at it.