Is your boyfriend a narcissist

Answer 1

(Note: Narcissistic Personality Disorder is something that can only be identified by a mental health professional who has examined the person in question. Other than that, "narcissist" is a word meaning "loves oneself excessively" and is susceptible to varying interpretations.)

The following are testimonials that may give a person insight into making a layman's determination as to whether their boyfriend/girlfriend may be a narcissist.

Opinion 1:

I met my bf when he was married to another woman and I was also in a relationship. We fell in love and he told me, pretty much on the first date, that he wanted us to have children. The following months consisted of spending weekends together, going out drinking and partying. I fell pregnant after a few months and I decided to have an abortion, to which he said that he would leave his wife and take care of me and the baby. I ended up having the abortion.

We continued seeing each other and we moved in together. His wife found out a few months later (that he was living with me) and all hell broke loose. He called me and said that we could have no more contact, her screaming in the background. I was devestated. He moved back in with his wife and daugther. After 10 days we talked and he said that he was miserable, I was too. I forgave him for what he had done and we decided to give it another try and move back in together.

He started his divorce and we were quite happy, living together. We went on holidays, out and pretty much continued the way we had.

When i fell pregnant a year later I was very excited and happy. He then changed quite a lot. He would let me cry without providing any empathy or comfort (he would say that he would take into a hotel if I didnt stop crying), he would never ask how i was doing during my pregnancy, he would shout at me in the car if we were arguing, if I was ill he would compalin about the noise I made sneezing during the night.

When it came to the birth he told me (a week before) that he wouldn't be able to be there for the birth, he let me believe this for a couple of days before he switched and said that he would be there. When I went into labour he drank my applejuice that I had brought with me, and looked at me like I was asking him to climb Himalaya and was about to protest when I asked him to get me a chocolate bar from the vending machine in the hospital.

When I came home with the baby, he was disinterested, told the baby to shut the f... up when he made his baby sounds. He also said that I should take my baby and leave 5 days after the baby was born.

Since then it has been name calling and loads of stories of disrespect. Is this Narcissism?

Opinion 2:

Yes it is !As long you are the other woman and he is in the honeymoon fase with you,really trying to get you and he is in the delusion that you are great ,perfect and The One,his wife or steady girlfriend will be the one that is a bad person,don't treat him rightcan't cook does not want sex etc....When you become HIS woman you are takin her place,he has secured you then YOU wil be the bad one...It did happenned to me too...2 years i was with him ,in a long distance relationship,very close together i was THE BOMB.THE ONE ....when he left the mother of his children and i went to be with him from Europe to the USA he changed...in 10 hours time.....nothing i did was good,withdraw affection,push and pull games,treating me bad and 10 minutes later nicely,he wanted me to leave and when i would he asked me please ,stay...and so on....come home with lipstick on his sleeve...devastating....i left and he is no contact ,no friendship no nothing,not even a phone call asking me how i am doing....he knows i have health issues,they don't care about anybody,not even themselves....just go and don't look back....they don't change ;only for worst....

Answer 2

Walk away. Don't run. Don't draw suspicion. You may even need to concoct a backstory, like you have AIDS or something. But get out.

I just found out (at age 50) that I am a narcissist. I have never raised a hand to a woman in my life, but after three marriages I am hollow. As I used t say, "I wasn' burdened with a concience."

I have hurt my present wife immeasurably, horribly and permanently. I am ashamed and embarassed and humiliated. If I wasn't such a coward I would kill myself.

The realization that the last 50 years have been devoid of soul, hope, empathy, love, kindness, tenderness, heart...I can't take it. I am sure I will die alone and unloved.

My faith in God is gone. I know all the greater ills. But really...how could he wire some of us up to live our lives like we were walking through one long, long carnival mirror? Nothing is as it seems, nothing I say means what I say, nothing I feel is feelings.

Walk away. There are plenty of regular guys out there. Maybe not as charming or witty or funny or "on"at first, but they will win the marathon. The narcissist loses.....even the sprint.

Bye.

I want to reply to the question and also to the previous answer. I am starting to realise that my boyfriend is narcissistic. He has a massive sense of entitlement, and due to his thinking that we need special treatment as tennants, through his complaining we have just been served our notice on the house. I tried to get him to see the bigger picture and to think long term, but he coudnt bear the thought that he would have to be treated seccond best.

Having said this, he is a kind and lovely person who has been my friend and boyfriend for a long time. I don't think that he has any idea why he has problems, and I hope that we could work it out. I don't know what will happen but I think you have to find out what you can deal through love and what you cant.

To address the previous answer, I think you are being too hard on yourself. None of us are perfect, and speaking from someone who is with a narcissist and question mark is also related to one, they are still two of the most important people in my life and who are lovely people who cannot help how they are sometimes. If you have no awareness at the time what you are doing, how can you be a bad person?