0
What should an abuse victim do if they feel their abuser will just make their life even worse if they attempt to leave?
Wiki User
∙ 18y ago
Don't give up hon! There is help out there for you. I volunteer for a Women's Abuse Center, and when your abuser is at work, you leave with just a few things and go to the Abused Women's Center. They will ask you questions (don't be ashamed and don't be afraid to let it all hang out ... that's what the kleenex on the counselor's desk is for.) They will put you through a process right away and you will NOT go back to your abuser, but be put in a "Safe House" or "Transition House." There you will receive counseling, help in courts, and programs to take so you can better understand abuse and learn new tools to deal with leaving your abuser and not picking another abusive mate. Shoot for the stars girl! You're worth it! Good luck Marcy
Wiki User
∙ 18y ago
Add your answer:
Earn +20 pts
What makes people vulnerable to abuse and the power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
the abuser is called sadist & the victim is called masochist.
If your an emotional abuser what causes them to leave?
the victim or the abuser? emotional abuse cuts deeper than physical abuse. it has to do with manipulation. though emotional abuse and physical abuse ususally go hand in hand.
Should a victim who has been researching abuse demand to be treated with respect by their abuser in exchange for stopping their research?
No. And you can't bribe someone to treat you well. Either the person is going to respect you or they aren't. You can't say, "Tell you what, treat me well and I'll stop researching abuse." If you're the victim, you have no leverage. The abuser has all the control. The victim is usually not in the position to be making deals and demands. The only thing that will stop the abuse is getting away from the abuser. ~ T
Explain how God forgives a sexual abuser who stop but was once a victim?
if the abuser is genuinely sorry for what he has done, admitted his wrong to both the victim and to god and has taken genuine steps to repent.however, if the abuser was once a victim, in y opinion, it makes the situation worse, as the abuser should be fully aware of the dammge he/she has done.I was violently raped, but i have no desire to abuse another human being.
What happens if the victim does not show up to a domestic violence case in New York?
The court will record the fact the victim did not turn up for a domestic violence case and it will be up to the victim's lawyer to decide what is next. Sometimes the victim of abuse feels threatened by her abuser or has been threatened to drop the case against the abuser.
If you exposed your abusers abuse will he abuse his next victim?
No matter whether you expose it or not, he will probably abuse his next victim anyway. An abuser finds it difficult to imagine not abusing another, as their abuse reassures them of their control. Abusers feel a need to exert control in order to compensate for a childhood which they had no control over. In some ways, we should pity them; but they cannot all be helped. An abuser can only change if they have the desire to change, and are prepared to face some very harsh realizations. Counseling is good for this, but not all counselors are prepared. The abuser will have to find one that suits him.
Explain why both adults and children keep child abuse a secret?
There are many different reasons that children and adults remain silent about the "secret" of abuse, including: - scared that the abuser will hurt or fatally injure them - fear that the abuser will hurt or fatally injure a love one - embarrassment - the abuser convinced the victim that "no one will believe you" - the abuser convinced the victim that "you wanted it as much as I did" - the abuser uses bribes or any form of "currency" that the child needs or wants including attention, money, gifts, or special treats - the victim starts to believe he/she did "want it" simply because he/she wanted the items the abuser promised - just want to pretend it never happened - don't know it's abuse - the lack of words to define or describe what happed - the abuse occurred at night so that the incidents become clouded "as if a dream" - the victim dissociates so there is a wall between "now" and what occurred "before now", even during the abuse - the victim suffers from Stockholm's syndrom (start to have feeling for the abuser and will sympathised with the abuser) Parents who do nothing after being told by a child about abuse often do not tell anyone because: - the parent is the abuser in many cases OR.... - the parent/s do not understand the danger of abuse, even if they have another child in the home - the abuser is the mother's boyfriend so the mother chooses her boyfriend over the child - the abuser is the mother's boyfriend and the mother cannot get away from him - the abuser is the father who also commits domestic violence--the mother feels she cannot safely leave and take her children with her - the abuser is the spouse or boyfriend who has threatened the mother as well as the kids and the victim - the parent fears involvement of child welfare - the parent was also an abused child so he or she thinks "I got through it, so can you" - the parent feels powerless - the parent is in denial - the parent has a mental illness and is ineffective at protecting a child - the abuser is the parent's workplace boss and the parent needs the job so therefore chooses not to tell the authorities OR.... Both parents or the mother and a live-in boyfriend commit the abuse together against the child.
What role does fear play in abusive relationships?
The abuser of the victim will first alienate the victim from their family and friends and can even move to another town in some cases. An abuser is sly as a fox and at first often can win over not only the victim with kindness and generosity, but also win over family and friends. However, there are many cases where family and friends can often see right through the abuser even before he segregates his victim. Once the two are alone the changes can come quickly such as verbal abuse (the abuser is inwardly unhappy about their own failures in life and will transfer this onto the victim) and then the physical abuse often comes next. Sometimes the abuser will never apologize to his victim, but many do and continue to promise that they will never do it again, but they do. The abuser is aware they have total control over their victim and if the victim shows any sign of independence or that they are going to leave the relationship this is when the real fear starts because the abuser will instill the fear of either killing their victim; their family or, if there are children the abuser may threaten to harm the children or have the victim believe she will never get her children as she is an unfit mother. The victim is basically brainwashed; lost all confidence in themselves; has been alienated from her family and friends and has nowhere to turn. The fear is real and the threats from the abuser are often real as well.
Why do some abuse victims' love turn to hate after relationships end and is it possible they will love the abuser again?
The love turns to hate because the reality of what the abuser did sets in. Speaking as a victim of abuse, I don't think I could ever love my abuser again even if he said he's "changed" because of the reality of what he did to me, and the claims that he "changed" so many previous times during the abuse.
How people who harm and abuse conceal what is happening?
Individuals who are physical or verbal in nature have a set pattern. Many abusers can be charming; likable; win over family members of the person they are going out with. Little by little the abuser's pattern of control over their victim (and they are a victim of an abuser) can simply be as innocent as telling the prospective victim what to wear or not to wear or, telling the person what to order in a restaurant. The control at the beginning is so minor that the prospective victim is not even aware of it. The abuser will control with one hand and perhaps give gifts with the other leading the victim innocent to the fact they are starting to be controlled. It is a myth that poverty stricken individuals to uneducated people are abused and media noted individuals (and in all aspects of life) can be abused. Slowly the abuser segregates his victim from their family and friends and eventually, if they choose to live together or marry the abuser will be sure to live some distance away from the victim's family. As the months go on the abuser then psychologically works on his victim causing the victim to feel disorientated; guilty; demoralized and has a great lack of confidence. Sometimes the abuse is physical and 'the slap' at first, by the abuser, was a 'mistake' and the victim believes it will never happen again as the abuser has apologized, but it does happen over and over again and the beatings can become worse. If the couple should go out in public the abuser holds a tight rein and threatens the victim to act normal as if nothing were wrong. The victim always accepts what the abuser says because they do not want to be physically harmed. Some abusers can go so far as to threaten the person's life; that of any children they may have together or even the victim's immediate family. To the abuser the victim is chattel (their property) which they feel gives them the right to treat the victim as they wish. It is also a myth that only men abuse women, but the statistics are showing that women can also abuse men. Most men are brought up not to strike a woman and do not and it leaves the male victim in a difficult situation. Males are not the type that would tell friends that their girlfriend or wife are physically attacking them or verbally abusing them as men have basically been brought up as being the dominant one physically and only women are abused. So, the male victim is left to fend for himself and do the best he can. Like the female victim he will cover up any sign of abuse because of shame and the guilt of letting it happen. There are Abuse Centers for both women and men in many States and in Canada.
Why is it not OK to expose the very people that use abuse and control their victim until the victim sees what is happening and realizes shes been scammed by narcissistic ego maniac on the prowl again?
It is OK to expose the person that uses abuse to control their victim, but it is the victim that has to report their abuser. Like any abuser whether narcissistic or has a large ego others do see these flaws in the abuser, but in many cases the victim at the beginning (unaware) often refuses to believe what others have to say about their abuser until the victim finds out the hard way. Many victims can feel ashamed or angry that it took them so long to figure out that the person they loved is an abuser, but abusers are extremely sly when it comes to luring their victims into their web. There is not much you can do about the abuser if you have left him, but you should get help from an Abused Woman's Center or a psychologist to learn the signs of abusive behavior so you do not make the same mistake twice. There are often small signs from an abuser from the beginning such as perhaps telling you what to wear; order your meals at restaurants and then slowly they alienate you from your family and friends. Then the abuser has you under their complete control and that is when the victim sees the ugly side of their abuser. You can tell anyone you like what the abuser is like and some will believe you and others will not or you can move forward in your life and realize you have learned from the bad relationship and will not make the same mistake again. Generally abusers will be caught at their own game.
How can a victim leave an abuser with no money?
* Most victims of abuse just want to leave with the clothes on their back and are not worried about leaving their abuser penniless. The abuser has taken everything from their victim ... their dignity; peace of mind; brain washed them into believing no other man would want them and they are useless and will never make it out in the world on their own; alienated them from their family and friends and controlled all money issues in the relationship. If there are children involved then the best you can hope for is child support and that would have to go through the courts. Victims of abuse generally want no part of their abuser and will do anything to stay completely away. The victim should seek help from Women's Abuse Centers to find a 'safe place' until they can get on their feet. These centers give moral support; programs about victims of abuse; go to court with them; help with any children the victim may have and help them find a job. If you are smart you'll head out the door and never look back and not look for revenge because the abuser always loses in the end ... they hang themselves with their own rope.
