Why is it that many abuser programs stress education about abuse and confronting the abuser rather than holding the abuser accountable for his actions and forcing him to change?

Answer 1

I volunteer at an Abused Women's Center and there are good programs for the victim to learn what is abuse, why it's wrong, and how to get out of the relationship. It gives you the tools to be confident once again and gives the victim a chance to stand on their own two feet and actually have a life of their own (and their children if they have any.) Victims of abuse don't always realize that they have been brain-washed by having their confidence level taken down to zero (or they wouldn't be sticking around) and the feeling that they simply can't make it out in the real world (the abuser sees to that!) These programs teach you otherwise and that your abuser was brain-washing the victim to make her think she was good for nothing and needed him because she'd never make it out in that big scary world. Not true! I have never once heard in counseling of abused women in the Center I am in where they tell you to confront their abuser. That's simply too dangerous. We have counselors that help the victims make a plan to get away, then set things up where they are taken to a "safe house" or "Transition House" where they are safe from harm. I don't even know where these "safe houses" are and only the counselor in charge does. These "safe houses" give programs to help the woman regain their strength mentally and physically, and regain her power to keep herself safe and also, to learn not to get back into another abusive relationship and learn the signs of abusive behavior. The RCMP in British Columbia actually have programs to help women defend themselves. It is true that in the past there were few laws that protected the victim from the abuser. Things are changing every single day. There are laws in certain States now (Nancy Reagan is fighting for the Rights of Women) and also Theresa Saldana (a victim of abuse and a savage attack ... stabbed many times, but survived) have also managed to change laws. Abusers ARE now being made responsible for their actions. At least in British Columbia if the police are called to a "domestic abuse" situation they use to be held up legally by the victim being too afraid to press charges against her abuser, but now the police can actually arrest the abuser without her blessing. If you would like any further detailed information please just post me back. Marcy