Why was the medieval church so batty?

Answer 1

I used to go to a medieval church in England, and I think I know the answer to this. Most medieval churches worked the same way.

High up above the church's nave, above where people gathered to pray, was a little landing that could be only reached by a set of circular stairs. Choir boys sometimes went up there to play cards during the service, and the choir master never knew because he was very near sighted, and absent minded too. Anyway, during the summer, since hot air rises, the air up there got very hot, so the choir boys opened a window, and their rough handling broke a pane of glass that no one could see from below. And that was how the bats got in and out.

Now, the bats used to roost in the decorated stones above the sanctuary, above where the priest fixed up the bread and wine. Alter boys used to come in with incense, and the priest would wave it around, filling the air with smoke. It was so bad that sometimes someone in the front rows would feint or get sick. Just think of that, and imagine being a bat, hit with all that smoke rising up while you are trying to sleep on a hot summer morning. So the bats would all fly to the back of the church as soon as the smoke got up to them.

When they got to the back of the church, the bats flew up to the ceiling, because that is what bats do. It probably seemed to them it would be a better place than over the sanctuary. And they would settle down and try to go back to sleep. But the back of the church was also where the organ was, and wouldn't you know it? As soon as the bats started to land among the organ pipes, so they could get some rest, it was time for the offertory hymn, which was always played loudly and fast so people would feel good about making donations. Of course the bats didn't feel good about anything by this time, and they spent the rest of the service flying about, first to this part of the church and then to another, escaping noise or smoke, whichever was worse.

It took the longest time to find where the broken window was. But we knew what caused it because there was a pack of cards and a copy of Mad Magazine up there. It got fixed on a Saturday morning, just before the bats got back from their nightly run. But it didn't do any good. Those boys had found out about where the bats came from, and as quick as the windows were fixed, new holes appeared for the benefit of bats. It was a losing battle, and in the end, the sacristan quit and no one else was willing to go up the circular stairs anymore except the choirboys. In time, it was just accepted that a normal service always included bats.

And now you know why medieval churches were batty.

Hope that helps. :)