Can a mental abuser who is not a narcissist be capable of real love?

Answer 1

Abusers of all stripes are incapable of real love. They identify intimacy and love with violence and abuse.

I have zero tolerance for mental abusers. They take up air space! They are demeaning, miserable and plain bullies.

Abusers are unhappy people and there is simply no excuse in this world why they should infect others around them. All of us haven't batted 100% perfection in our lives and it's up to us as adults to decide what type of person we want to be. So, if you come from a home of alcohol abuse usually you would want to stay away from alcohol; if you come from an abusive family, why not try with all your might to become a better person and learn from this experience.

I don't buy "oh, that poor person was abused by his/her parents so they have known nothing else and that's why they are so mean." This is simply not true. We are around other family members, friends, in the workplace and we know what is right and wrong.

I had a bad temper when younger, so I went and got help for it. Now I know my limits and how to control my temper. My father was an alcoholic and Irish, and my mother Scottish (some combination. LOL) and I didn't use this as an excuse to use my anger on just anyone. I did something about it.

Mental abusers do feel love in a strange way and again an old saying, "You always hurt the ones you love" is so true with abusers. When they hurt someone they love they hate themselves for it and it's almost like a self punishment. Oddly enough, abusers loath themselves inwardly and privately and the more they abuse the more they hate themselves. It's a vicious cycle.

I wouldn't take a chance of receiving love from an abuser at all. I'd move on.

Marcy

Abusers are afraid of love because they have never known love so they are incapable of giving something they never received.

I agree with Marcy, using an "excuse" of I was treated poorly or I was abused as a child amounts to nothing.

I am absolutely sure that we all make choices in life and those choices not only affect ourself, but others around us. We all have made poor choices and most people learn from them.

I grew up with an alcoholic parent and knew since I was a little girl that I was not going to allow alcohol to run my life. Two of four children chose the path of the alcohol...their chose. So, one cannot say it was my background. I have two brothers that grew up in the same house that chose the path of alcohol.

It is the same with abuse. Although it is quite common that abuse perpetuates abuse, it is the choice one makes to contine on in the cycle.

I myself never growing up in an abusive environment and not having abuse in my life, I didn't even know there was a thing as emotional abuse...until I started dating an emotional abuser. I was stuck in the cycle of abuse and didn't know how to get out, feeling if I left this man he wouldn't get better. I was trying to "save" him. But it wasn't until I was completely removed from him and got help from a counselor that I was able to see what kind of cycle I was in. I knew that things were not right in the relationship, but I felt I needed to help him because he didn't have the kind of love he needed growing up. But it was pointed out to me that I wasn't helping him only hurting myself and others around me. It is the same with people who have addictions or in cults. They have a sense something is wrong, but fear keeps them from action. And there is no fear in real love...and abuse uses fear regularly to obtain control. God Bless