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Pathological Narcissism is very hard to "cure", but the narcissist's dysfunctional and abusive behaviors can be sufficiently modified so as not to bother his nearest and dearest any longer.
No. There is NO cure for NPD/BPD it requires ongoing lifelong professional psychological counseling. Most people with BPD are in denial and refuse ongoing treatemnt to manage their mental illness. Unless your willing to sell your soul to the devil which is about the same as staying with someone with NPD/BPD it is best to just get out!!!! Break all ties as a stalking stage will take place so take measures to protect yourself.
Get Out!!!
Stalkers and the Borderline Personality
The Borderline Personality
In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:
a shaky sense of identity
sudden, violent outbursts
oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
brief, turbulent love affairs
frequent periods of intense depression
eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies
an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone
Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.
The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.
The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.
The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
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Is there hope that an abuser can change and you can still have a good marriage?
You two should seek counseling. Good luck and God Bless:)
Your abuser ex husband can be change actitud when he remarried and be a good man?
yES; There is nothing you cannot cure yourself of when you ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. A man or woman CAN CHANGE with counseling, a lot of self discipline, and CONSTANT WORK. Yes, men AND women, with help and counseling, CAN remarry and correct themselves.
What can an abuser do to change her ways if she doesn't have enough money for various counseling programs?
There are free services offered at many churchs and I have heard being on whats called a sliding scale. In other words, on ones ability to pay. The main concern is the abuser get help and get it fast. Like NOW!!
How can an abuser change?
go to counciling
Can dealing with childhood abandonment issues through therapy help narcissists improve?
Absolutely. Of course, not all abusers will or can change. Be careful not to revel in what may be a false hope. Dealing with issues in childhood which may have made the abuser abusive will be very helpful, but could also be traumatic for the abuser. The abuser often has trouble dealing with emotions, and so could become aggressive and violent throughout this part of counseling.
Can a mental abuser really see the error of his ways and put things right?
Answer Sometimes they can and sometimes they can't. Unless they is some mental illness going on, people can change if they want to. Certainly a mental abuser who is not mentally ill will figure it out when he or she gets enough negative feedback/responses from others. Usually when someone is a mental abuser they need professional counseling to correct the problem. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. If the person thinks what he or she is doing is okay or they get some kind of sick enjoyment, power trip from it they may not WANT to change.
How do you stop a manipulator?
Well, it depends what you want to stop them from doing. If you want them to stop manipulating, than they have to be prepared to change and take lots of counseling. Of course, counseling is not enough on its own. The manipulator must be willing to take the class seriously, and not try to simply manipulate the counselor. It can be difficult to tell what the abuser is doing, and stopping them is sometimes impossible. Do not get your hopes up over the dream to save an abuser from himself. Too many people have already been hurt trying to do the same thing.
Should an abuser be dragged against his will to an abuse program if he is a threat to your emotional well being?
Yes, an abuser should, but the law, as it stands, often protects the abuser and not the victim. Legally, the police have to be called in at the time of physical abuse; see bodily damage and then at best, the abuser may serve a few months in jail, but is out yet once again. Legal documents such as "restraining orders" to protect the victim aren't even worth the paper they are written on. Abusers are mentally damaged, and the last to know. They seldom seek psychological counceling, and the law is placed so we can't make anyone seek such help. If the abuser tries to commit suicide or is caught in the act of actually beating a person, then the law has a right to force them to seek psychological help ... it's a little too late in most cases. Think of this ... you drag an unwilling "in denial" abuser into a psychological program and what do you think he/she is going to do? They are going to sit there sulking with an attitude of "as soon as this crap is over with and I've served this time, I'm off and running!" They will have learned nothing because they feel they are always right, want to be in control and NO ONE is going to change that in them. If I had my way, ALL abusers would be put on an island and they could beat the pulp out of each other, but since that isn't the case, there is nothing a victim can do, but get out of the circumstances by planning a get-away and heading for an "Abused Women's Center" for help. They provide good programs, psychological counseling, a "safe house", and help the abused get on their feet. Marcy
What behavior change is not common in drug abuser?
taking on more responsibility
Will abuser change in a new relationship?
Yes and no it all depends on the person
If you exposed your abusers abuse will he abuse his next victim?
No matter whether you expose it or not, he will probably abuse his next victim anyway. An abuser finds it difficult to imagine not abusing another, as their abuse reassures them of their control. Abusers feel a need to exert control in order to compensate for a childhood which they had no control over. In some ways, we should pity them; but they cannot all be helped. An abuser can only change if they have the desire to change, and are prepared to face some very harsh realizations. Counseling is good for this, but not all counselors are prepared. The abuser will have to find one that suits him.
Can another woman change a man who abused his first wife?
There is only a very small percentage of men who actually can achieve this. More women will seek out psychological counseling than men. Men feel weak if they do so, and also abusers feel it's everyone else's fault and never their own. Often it's the environment they themselves have been brought up in. If you are the abuser by coming on this board it was a big step for you and there is real hope that you can get over this. The next step is to seek psychological counseling. We all carry garbage tied to our butts through life and you must have some issues to deal with as well. If you are a woman, go to your Abused Women's Center in your town and seek out help. You will get plenty of it there. If you are a man that is abused, there are Abused Centers for Men and everything is highly confidential whether it be man or woman. Good luck Marcy
