Can abuse be a sign of a mental problem?

Answer 1

Abusers appear to be suffering from dissociation (multiple personality). At home, they are intimidating and suffocating monsters � outdoors, they are wonderful, caring, giving, and much-admired pillars of the community. Why this duplicity?

It is only partly premeditated and intended to disguise the abuser's acts. More importantly, it reflects his inner world, where the victims are nothing but two-dimensional representations, objects, devoid of emotions and needs, or mere extensions of his self. Thus, to the abuser's mind, his quarries do not merit humane treatment, nor do they evoke empathy.

Typically, the abuser succeeds to convert the abused into his worldview. The victim � and his victimizers � don't realize that something is wrong with the relationship. This denial is common and all-pervasive. It permeates other spheres of the abuser's life as well. Such people are often narcissists � steeped in grandiose fantasies, divorced from reality, besotted with their False Self, consumed by feelings of omnipotence, omniscience, entitlement, and paranoia.

Contrary to stereotypes, both the abuser and his prey usually suffer from disturbances in the regulation of their sense of self-worth. Low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence render the abuser � and his confabulated self � vulnerable to criticism, disagreement, exposure, and adversity � real or imagined.

Abuse is bred by fear � fear of being mocked or betrayed, emotional insecurity, anxiety, panic, and apprehension. It is a last ditch effort to exert control � for instance, over one's spouse � by "annexing" her, "possessing" her, and "punishing" her for being a separate entity, with her own boundaries, needs, feelings, preferences, and dreams.

You should be asking - "can abuse NOT be a sign of a mental problem?"

Also, it becomes a mental problem for both/all people involved. HIM - for being abusive, and YOU - for staying there. There's an old saying, "surely she derives something from it".

Ask yourself what you are getting out of it - depending on the answer, you'll know what to do. I am more than willing to take my losses to get out. It was a hard decision! As soon as I made the decision and ACCEPTED it myself - AND made it known - he realized that his way was OVER. Another old saying comes to mind, "my way or the highway".

The oddest part is - when he saw the look of realization on my face that I was through and ready to "bite the bullet" and take my losses NO MATTER THE COST - I saw it on his face!! He just turned the abuse OFF!

It has only been 3 months, but not a day goes by that I don't think about my alternatives and my decision (and reinforce my strength) and never let my guard down re being cursed at called names, yelled at and all the other nightmarish things. I believe he is appreciating the new peace; normal conversations, discussing plans, occasional displays of affection, being so close to a nice, maybe "normal" relationship. We'll see how long it last.

I think, U think? What the???? Crazy World. Was eating out the other day with my wife, and there was a couple behind us. They where talking of all the great things they might have accomplished if they have had good parents. I couldn't help but think of all the news on t.v. and nation wide about abusive parents. It occured to me that it's politily correct to hate your parents. Teachers reinforce this also, or atleast they did when i was in school. Abuse, everyone is abused at some level it seems. Like me I only feel not abused when someone one else is having a hard time with their abuse. But sooner or later a person might have to deal with it a fresh. What if a coworker tells you , that you have a mental problem, and you feel you can't say no. My self i just responded by saying, "from what I've seem from you people my mental problem is No worst than yours." But still you wonder if maybe theirs something showing that you don't see. I ask my wife if I have a mental problem. LoL, she says I don't. But after spending 20 years with a name calling dad who relentlessly never gave up. Year in year out, quit school, you're stupit, don't know attention to my kid cos he's a little slow.....you loose your confidence. Self help books don't help. Nothing helps but maybe time and getting away from the abuser. Though you or me may of been crippled in areas of our life that we might of done better we still have gifts i would like to think that were not affected. The trouble is that we might treat other people the way we where treated even though at the time of our abuse we thought it was terrible. You might catch yourself abusing someone in the middle of an outburst. It's then you might realize that you have a mental problem. But you might need to find out weather you anger was justified. Name calling is never justified. But it's natural to be anger sometimes if you can control it without abusing other people. But what is acceptable anger. You wonder later on in life weather your parents anger for instance was justified when you realize just how hard you head is. Maybe that was the only way to save you in a horrible world. Maybe? But theirs a price to pay for abuse verbal and physical. Why stay in an abusive relationship? I love my abuser but I couldn't live with them anylonger cause the abuse was getting worse. I was reaching new lows that I hadn't seem. I like to explorer but not be terrorized. I'm sure I'm weak, but strong enough to admitt it, but i left and now i have a greater measure of peace, and my nite mares of dark corriders and something chaseing me have finnally faded. But just recently I got angre at an coworker for hideing out and confronted him and wouldn't you know it the first thing he says is you have a mental problem. I'm frozen and thinking?? Whats the answer?? Whats justifiable anger? Did he really see that i have a mental problem? Does it show? I wonder? or is it a line he uses on everyone because I'm from the country and now I'm in a city like and i know that people always are yelling, "you have a problem." I ask him what, " What do you mean I have a mental problem." and he says, "You don't even know who your boss is." I ask him well who do you think my boss is? He doesn't speak. I say my bosses name. Why did he say that? Who knows? Did i miss something? Me even worrying about it does that mean i have a mental problem?

broken tooth

No, it's a spiritual problem. Have you ever heard the saying "spiritually bankrupt"? Ever notice the look in their eyes? That look is rage. That's what happens when you allow Satan into your life. All the anger is based on their own guilt. They have rejected Him by doing so and it is written in The Bible what happens to those who do this. It is a person's free will to bring this upon himself. Some choose to use Atheism to excuse behaviors thinking they can escape the wrath. Sigmund Frued was an athiest and he started psychoanalysis. Notice none of these excuses work and in some cases have cause irreversable damage to families.

In most cases "abusers" are "honouring" a father's and/or very close male relative's abusive behavior(rage)and they see it in many forms. They also deny they are mimicking. However, that behavior is not that of the Lord it is of Satan.

Abuse may include symptoms of a mental problem. Having lived with a manic-depressive person for seven years prior to divorcing him, I also asked myself this question. I was able to get him to attend two sessions with a psychotherapist prior to my divorce. He terminated the sessions admitting he had this issue before we were married and couldn't change. I had read that he was verbally and physically abusive on his divorce decree from his 1st wife, but didn't believe it, and of course he denied it. I should have recognized the red flags, but had never dealt with anyone being abusive before. I found it valuable to read in my medical and health encyclopedia during my crisis, to try and find matching symptoms to the different types of mental disorders. Life is better when you get out and too short to waste time. Love of course is blind at the onset of a relationship, and these illnesses may be well masked until after the marriage has occured. If the abuser is not willing to change, you will not be able to fix it alone.

I agree with an above poster: Can abuse NOT be a sign of a mental problem?

People aren't born with the inclination to abuse others and develop it from serious psychological/mental issues. Abusers are, by definition, people with mental problems and thus need help with their problems. Have no doubt in your mind that the abuser has a serious mental problem.

If you look at it LOGICALLY (i.e. using YOUR mind), you'll see the abuser has serious problems with them, probably based on their own upbringing and not as the result of being manipulated by some imagined and non-existent being to which millions of people avoid responsibility daily by blaming their problems on it.

If you scroll up to the first answer on this post - the clinical one - you will find a very impressive explanation of the abuser.

Some of the posts make the abuser out to be the victim's worst nightmare. I want to remind you guys, though, that abusers can be someone's dad, husband, or boss. We may HAVE to co exist with these people until we can find a way out, see them through change, or learn to overcome the conditions. It's easy to forget that the abusers are real people with real problems of their own and being afraid of our abusers is just going to compound the effects of the abuse, and perhaps fuel "the abuser's" sense of power. Therefore, we are forced to reckon with the reality of the situation.

If you have the luxury of taking the time to figure out what you're going to do to fix this problem or get away, then during this time, try not to become an abuser yourself. Try not to let them kill your compassion and ability to accept people on an individual basis.