What do you give at a wake?

Answer 1

Should A Person Give Money At A Family Wake:

• No. Although some wakes have the option to make donations to a certain cause (if the cause of death being heart problems there may be the option to give donations to the organization/institute or a place such as the retirement home).

• No. The reason for a wake is so friends and acquaintances of the family can offer condolences. In most religions/cultures it is viewed as a sign of respect.

• Usually, some will give money at a wake. But I am Vietnamese and in Vietnamese culture the family does not accept the money no matter what.

• There is no specific etiquette governing this courtesy and offering of assistance and respect due too varying customs, religions and traditions. However, it does present the best opportunity to extend assistance to the family to help defer the cost and show respect in their time of need for numerous reasons and comfortably remove any embarrassment for the family.

• It is important that one respect the culture of the family and if you are unsure then contact the family or research that particular culture as to how they had a funeral or wake.
• I come from an Italian family and it seems to be something that the older generation does but it has been fased out for my generation. For example, when my grandmother died two years ago, all the little old ladies brought my dad a check. Noone under 80 did. My dad explained to me that this was way before insurance policies and things like that, so everyone would bring the family money to help with funeral costs and to help the family get by in the coming weeks.

• People need to realize how expensive funerals can be. The wake (flowers, venue, limo), casket, burial land, burial cost, grave stone... all cost money. When my grandma died, it cost almost 20k, not including extra money the family is spending in their grief. We tried to be thrifty, but some things you HAVE to spend more on like gravestones and land. Most families do not have spare money to cover these costs. I suggest you give $25-$200 per person in your family or as much as you can. Do not ASSUME it's not proper to give money or condolences and food are enough for the family. If you were in the same situation, you would be grateful for having friends and family help you honor your loved one. If the family won't accept it, respect them and donate it or bring flowers.

New Answer

Only if they really need it. If the father for example dies without life insurance and he was the family's breadwinner, you should give them a little cash discreetly in a card. Otherwise just make a donation to charity in their name or send flowers.

End New Answer

In areas of the country it is not normal to give money to the family. Where i grew up in the Bronx it was the custom to help the familt out. One person is chosen to be the receiver( for lack of a better word) who would accept every ones regrets. When my father-in-law passed i was chosen to be the receiver, in the 2 nights of the wake grieving friends and relatives expressed their regrets to the tune of close to $25,000, which was duly noted in the family book of who gave how much for what and future donations we would reciprocate in due time . but other people give food for the after funeral meal and family reunion

Donations

In some cultures it is customary indeed to donate food and money to the family of the deceased. I believe Muslim Africa is one of these regions. In some parts in India it is customary for the family (other than the immediate next of kins) to cook food for those who come and attend the funeral.

Well in some countries like in the Philippines, people who goes to the funeral usually gives donation to help the bereave family. :)

Answer 2

Money or gifts are not exchanged at funeral parlors! It is just out of tone for such a morbid occasion. there used to be a prayer request for a ( Happy Death) but this was a theological concept. It was quite popular. I even filled one in once- there were about twenty-odd prayer requests including Peace in War Zones ( tactfully which ones not mentioned) Conversion of Russia, and so on. These were on envelopes for prayer offerings in St. Francis of Assisi church, Not a funeral parlor.