How can a guy just disappear for good?

Answer 1

Other than being a criminal there is nothing so bad that should make you want to disappear.

It would be far more enlightening if you would repost and let us know why you want to disappear. Sometimes the problems you think you can't resolve without basically "getting lost" is something we can help you with. Sometimes one can't see the forest for the trees.

Before you decide to such a thing, think of people that love you. Not hearing from you would alarm more people in your life than you ever could imagine. Even angry words from parents, a sibling, spouse, etc., doesn't mean they don't love you. To disappear without a trace (short of being a criminal or hiding from someone that will do you harm) is cruel and selfish.

There is one way to disappear. Move to Another Country. I really hope you do take me up on the offer to repost. Do you have the courage to tell us why you want to disappear?

Marcy

AnswerIve been labeled or looked at as a stalker now by almost all the girls in my school AnswerI admire you for answering my question on the board and being so candid and I for one would like to help you so I'll explain what a stalker is, and also how a guy can be misconstrued as being a stalker.

I am not putting you down when I say, "are you being dramatic over this" and is it just a few girls accusing you of this? Young girls can often be dramatic and gossip. If a handful of girls sees a guy that is shy, awkward and trying to make friends they will sometimes think the guy is strange or odd in some way. Kids can be cruel.

The question is .... do you stalk girls? Stalking girls is following them around; phoning them and bothering them; emailing them constantly when they don't want to hear from you. That's stalking!

Are you just shy and how do you act around girls? Do you think you deserve the label of "stalker?"

It helps to express yourself to us on this board. We don't know you, will not trace you or bother you, so please, just spit it out and let me know what type of person you are. If you are shy, feel awkward around girls don't get too upset. Many guys are shy and you need to pick out another shy type of guy to hang around with and get out and have some fun. Get away from the computer and live a little life. I also want to remind you that although going to school is stressful for some and there is a great deal of peer pressure, school isn't forever, and if you have been unduly labeled as a stalker, once you change grades or get out of school you don't have to take this.

If you are truly innocent of this I wish you would talk to your parents. If these girls are labeling you unfairly your parents can go to the police and bring this out into the open. Creating misery in someones life by lies is called "harassment" and these girls can be stopped as long as there is no validation to their claim.

I sure hope I hear from you and I would like to help you. Please tell me a little more about yourself.

ThanksMarcy

Answerim a guy who likes to do as he says as in when he says hes going to do somthing he does it. I also am a likeable guy who wouldn't cause any harm to anyone who didnt deserve it.

This whole incident happened with this girl l really liked in school. i have liked her for a really long time and was always too scared to speak to her as have heard her comment something about me. So i just used to try to catch a glimpse of her whenever i could. when i was really lucky she would walk on the opposite of me when i was going somewhere. what puzzled me though is that she always used to look behind her.

This carried on for a long time until the idiocy of someome at school i thought she found out so i asked a friend of hers and mine what to do and he told me somthing that really shocked me. from there the infatuation with her went way but whenever i saw her i managed to say hello and she smiled. i was so happy.

then a period of confusion came as the same guy told me to quit on her so i wrote her a letter just because i would scare her if i told her imperson and it would be less embarressing.

anyway things all went downhill from there and have absolutley no idea what to do

AnswerThank you so much for letting me into your private life. Now I am getting a better gauge of the situation you are in.

I am a little perlexed that you said you just ended up smiling and saying hello to her, yet in a next sentence you said you wrote her a letter so as not to scare her as much as if you told her in person. May I ask what you said in that letter? Young women of today don't really feel getting a letter is that cool, and often, young women are so immature and overly dramatic they would show their girlfriends and have giggle over it (quite pleased with herself I would say.)

To say the least some women of all ages can be fickle as hell! I am female, and I'll admit it, but would never hurt anyone's feelings. This is a younger woman, so she is just learning by making her own mistakes in life just like anyone in your age group.

Here's a little secret about single women. Many young women really enjoy a mysterious guy called the "bad boy" that is a "hard catch" and it's called "the excitement of the chase." What I am telling you is ... don't try pleasing this young woman so much and, in fact, ignore her! The more you ignore her and the more of a mystery you are to some women the more they are interested. This young woman is immature, fickle, a drama queen, and as the old saying goes "One does protest too much" she is quite tickled to get the letter, but letting on to her friends that she doesn't really think it's cool and doesn't feel the same about you. It's time to walk away from this girl and get on with your life.

There are many more women in this world than men, and you have just begun to experience women and have a long ways to go. While you may feel you are deeply in love with this young woman, chances are you will meet someone much better that will treat you with the respect you deserve.

What has ever happened to you is not reason enough to lose yourself somewhere out in this vast world. NO WOMAN OR ANYONE is worth that! You should be treated decently, with the respect you give others, and sometimes, none of us get what we give and that's just the way of the world. If we didn't meet the odd ego-maniac out there or someone that tromps on another's feelings, we wouldn't know when the real thing came along.

I am so sorry you were put down by this girl and I would appreciate it if you could give me a run-down on what you said in the letter. As I said before, no one on this board knows you, so you are safe with what you say.

There are many wonderful young men out there that wear their heart on their sleeves, and you seem to be one of them, but unfortunately, young women can be silly (every so often ... when the moon and stars are right) you might bump into a very mature young woman. There is nothing wrong with a young man having deep feelings of love for a woman and later, when most women mature and know more of what they want in a man you'd be on their "A list."

Hope to hear from you soon.

Hang in thereMarcy

Answeri just said how i felt although i didnt say i loved her just that i had stromg feelings for her for a long time which is true. ive liked her for almost 3 years and in my defense i really thought she knew. i commented n what i liked about her and apologised for making this so sudden but i wanted to tell her while i had the chance. a quote saying "a coward faces death many times but a couragous man tastes death only once" inspiried me to do it. i also wanted to prove to myself that i have courage and that i can do something if i really wanted/needed to. apparently i am being judged by her 'crew' and by her and word must have gotten round about what i did because people are acting funny. Its ok however because i have already changed what i do and where i go. thank you marcy its people like you that give people that sigh of relief that they need and helps them sleep at night. I notice you are one of the most frequent posters on here and you throw in quotes so i leave you with a quote of my own:"even though im no better than a beast, don't i have the right to live?" AnswerI am very glad to hear from you again and thanks for telling me basically what was in your letter. Also thank you for the compliments you gave me. It means a lot to me. I do take others pain very personally, because I have gone through a lot in my own life.

I think I know what is wrong with this whole situation. You are simply "ahead of your time." Don't get me wrong, when I tell you that you don't fit in with the people your own age. They are still immature, learning, and afraid of being "uncool" by expressing their feelings such as you do. This DOES NOT make you an outcast. You need to find friends (perhaps a little older) that think along the lines that you do. There are a lot of deep thinkers out there and the word "wise" has no age preference. In other words, it's not just reserved for the older generations.

What you said in your letter was a lovely thing to say. However, when asked on this board by a young man/woman if they should write a letter to one they are attracted too, I will always tell them not to do it. Love letters or expressions of ones love amd should be retained until the two people are going together. Young women are often fickle and "need to tell" others to make themselves look important and the most beautiful or handsome person on the face of the earth. Usually these are not the true inner feelings of that individual, but they feel they need to act the part of being "cool" and unruffled. So, instead of being flattered, or, in your case a little confused about your letter and approaching you about it, she ridiculed you to get attention (she's just young and foolish and really means no harm.) Young women can often be drama queens and young men can often be egotistical and sometimes be the type that drink beer, belch and crush beer cans on their foreheads. LOL

I want to be honest with you and if you put the quote "a coward faces death many times but a courageous man tastes death only once" in her letter (wasn't sure if you had) it is one quote I do understand and you put it well. However, in the age group this young woman is in, she would not appreciate such a quote and she probably misunderstood it. Perhaps from that quote she and her friends think you may kill yourself over her. Have you ever thought of that? I know what you meant by it, but they sure didn't.

I am glad that you have moved on from her. As I said, you are a young man ahead of your time and I call people such as you "old souls." This means the person's body is young, but they have a soul of a wise old person. Someone special! Don't ever change, and all you need to do is let your body mature enough to fit your brain! LOL The words that you have used aren't words that usually come out of a young person. Most people that love poetry, quotes, etc., keep it to themselves. I have been on poetry sites and found some beautiful poems by the young, but many don't have the courage to talk about them to their friends.

It's bothers me that you would use that particular quote, "even though I'm no better than a beast, don't I have the right to live." I know it's not an odd choice you made, but how you feel inside. Why would you feel this way?

I have to laugh at many of the youth today (just like the 60's) when I grew up. They don't want to be part of the establishment because they hate what they see so they go too far over to the left. I look at them (even back then) and have a little chuckle and think to myself, "you are no different than the establishment. The rules have changed, but you're just carbon copies of each other." Yup, they all dressed the same, gave the same peace sign, and ran around off and on buck naked with flowers in their hair. The strive to be different, but they really aren't. They remain followers and only a certain few become leaders in this outbreak of "being oneself."

I am 64 years old, and I've learned that if you are a kind individual and care about things, there is a time when you can spread those words of wisdom on society, but the timing has to be right. I still make mistakes over that one! I have also learned that one should be true to themselves and NEVER change who they are for any group or individual.

I hope you will answer me yet once again as I am concerned about that last quote you made. I don't want you to go away thinking you are the Hunchback of Notre Dame! You aren't. You're an "old soul." I would advice you to loosen up a little, have some fun, and don't take life too, too seriously at your age. You have many years ahead for this.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Be strong!Marcy

Answerhi there

just to clarify i didnt write the coward quote in the letter i was just using it for inspiration when deciding what to to do in the situation. you see i could never speak to her but then when i did i was real nervous and when i went to do it.... i froze, so i thought im tired of this and i want my sanity back. I wrote the letter to just tell her how i feel and just get it overwith as i didnt like just doing nothing. remember that shocking truth i found out? shes bi! so i just thought its getting ridiculious and put an end to it. don't call me silly for this but i also wrote the letter for another reason because 5 days after i found out this truth my beloved cat of 7 years died of poisioning so i took it as a sign of god saying i shouldn't love so by the time i wrote the letter i just didnt care i was partially dead inside. once the letter was passed on the guy who was helping me just said she mentioned that i gave her a letter. i didnt know what to think and just waited for a reply. what im about to tell you is really hard for me and you may judge me and the other people on the board may as well. where her crew sits and hangs out is opposite a drinking fountain so whenever i went over for a drink of water i would take a look over at her. i would do this quite a few times until one day one of her lackeys told me to stop because im scaring her (this was after the letter) i know youre probably thinking "well its your own fault for doing that" but theres nothing wrong in looking and its not like i was going to harm her. but then what i was doing isn't wrong but it is frowned upon and she did have a right to say you are putting me off. however SHE should have been the one to tell me and they could have been alot nicer about it. i went over to her one day and apologised and here i am today. because of all these transgretions i have stayed hidden and have watched who i speak to as they may be another one of her friends. someone did say though if you don't here it directly from her then youre ok and girls get catty when you take intrest in their friends and not them but i have just 'disappeared' to be on the safe side. i hope at least deep down i made her happy when i gave her the letter but as a result im branded a bunny boiler by her friends and her. she'll be the one to tell her kids about me 'the stalker'.

I meant by the beast quote is that since i am just an average guy with a leg prob and after what i did (the beast) don't i have the right to do as i wish?

the thing is that after all that has happened i feel like a real piece garbage and i feel ashamed as im getting judged for my actions.

how can people be so cruel?

AnswerI think you may have come across as a pit pushy but not too pushy. Big deal if you went to a fountain to have a drink of water just to catch a glimpse of her. Men do that at all ages and it does not mean they are stalkers. You havent harassed her, you have acted like a young man with a crush! I hope you wont be so hard on yourself over this. I know alot of people when they like someone they go a little silly and these people are in their thirties!! Take care and this will all pass. AnswerI am so sorry you didn't get an answer from me right away. I actually did write you a long post and for some reason it didn't appear on the board (have no idea why) and I didn't notice it until tonight, so here goes:

I didn't think you put that quote in the letter, but had to check.

Because this girl is bi she is really out of your league and I don't mean anything against you by that. Most heterosexuals don't want to get mixed up in this. You seem shy, not too experience with women and you sure don't want to slip into her world. I believe "bi" is a choice one makes consciously and they are not gay. Some people like to experiment in sexuality and each to their own as long as they don't hurt the innocent.

God IS LOVE and he was giving you no such sign that you shouldn't keep loving. Right now it just appears that everything you love is either running away from you or dying on you. You are just grieving right now, but the pain will cease. Think of it this way, God is giving you signs to stay clear of this girl as he has better things in store for you. Life is about being born, living and experiencing things, then getting old and hopefully wiser and then we die. If we have great faith we know that's not the end of things.

I certainly don't think you are silly for being upset over your dear pet cat dying. Losing a best friend such as you had in your cat is devastating. I own two dogs and a cat. One dog is a 20 lb. Bichon Frize by the name of Tootsie and my male dog is a Cockapoo cross, named Booker T. and my sweet cat Molly (nicknamed "The Incredible Molly Brown" are like children to us. My husband I have had to put other dear pets to sleep and it leaves a big hole in ones home and heart and both of us have a good cry over it. I suggest you go to your ASPCA if you are in the States, or the SPCA if you are in Canada, and get another cat. There are many cats out there (adults) and they have such beautiful personalities. These cats could sure use a good home and are grateful for it. That would help you a bit. I know you can't replace a pet, but you have love to give and I suggest, when you are ready to get another cat.

I know it seems between this girl and losing you beautiful pet you feel your life is at an end and you'd like to disappear off the end of the earth, but please, believe in an old broad like me, when I tell you, that if you did such a thing you would be missing out on a wonderful part of your life. High School is not forever and these people that are giving you problems will be a faint memory (if anything) when you get older. There is a wonderful life for you out there if you'll just be patient and when that special girl comes along then seize the moment. One day you will meet that special someone, get engaged, get married and have a family of your own. You have much to give, so don't waste it on the likes of these malcontents poking fun and bullying you.

No one is judging you on this board, and the other poster said it in a nut shell ... you have every right to look at anyone you wish. You didn't harm her. Please believe me when I tell you, this girl is a piece of work, and by getting her lackey to come over and threaten you, it makes her feel important in the eyes of her peers. She's nothing more than immature, confused (lordy, she doesn't even know what sex she prefers) and is playing head games with her own peers. You'd think they'd catch on. As I said before you are out of your league with this girl and her gang of malcontents. Move on! You deserve better!

After receiving your letter anyone who was mature would have kept what was in that letter private and a mature person would have confronted you about it and either told you they liked you or that no, they didn't like you. She is nothing more than a drama queen trying to look important in the eyes of her peers. She wants to send the message, "See, I'm so cool, that this guy is sending me a love letter and I can't shake him." She may not even mean all this, but she's got to say something to look important and get those peers of her sucked into her mind games and unfortunately, you are the target of her little game. Don't allow it! You are in total control of your own destiny.

Writing letters re your feelings should always be reserved for a girlfriend that you truly love and not to someone you are just attracted too. Writing your feelings down on paper is proof it was you, and so many young girls are so immature and would show the letter around. A girl that loves you may let a favorite friend see it only because she's proud and thrilled by it or she may well just keep it private.

I am glad you are staying away from this bunch because if you don't, you could get into some very serious trouble. Gangs (and even gangs of girls) can be brutal and you just never know how far they will carry out a threat against you. You friend gave you poor advice, and yes, girls can be catty, but this isn't the game this chick is playing. She's playing a very dangerous game at your expense and I don't think she realizes that perhaps a couple of her peers may just decide to take things into their own hands and deal with you. Again, I cannot stress the importance of staying away from this group.

What is a "bunny boiler?" I'm a little behind on the terms the young kids use these days.

You are an intelligent and gentle young man, and I'm shocked that you would ever believe she is ever going to tell her kids that you stalked her. As I said before, we leave high school, then we get out in life, land a job and all the garbage that went on in high school is soon forgotten. People change, and hopefully she will mature as most of the kids will in school.

Your leg problem is no excuse to hide-out in your own little world. I have a sneaking suspicion that you are a loner (whether it's because of your leg problem or you're just shy) but you certainly are an intellect and far too mature for these silly games in high school. Bide your time! Don't use that leg problem as holding you back. We have a new Mayor of Vancouver, British Columbia who is in a wheel chair and he's a darn good Mayor! There are many famous people with afflictions. In some ways, we all limp through life from time-to-time. It's time to get away from the computer, get out in life, look around high school and see other students that you may have more in common with. All the students can't dislike you. You just find this girl exciting because she's different. Stick with what you know for now.

Quit feeling embarrassed and ashamed! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! You put your heart on your sleeve, but it was just the wrong place at the wrong time. As I mentioned in a previous post you are an "old soul" so you react differently than many of your peers, but this doesn't mean you are strange in any way. NEVER let anyone take away your dignity or change who you are!!!!! You are in charge of your own destiny, so come on boyo .... get that steam going again and be as strong as I know you are!

Get use to some people being cruel, because it won't be the last time you will see this whether it happens to you, someone you know or a total stranger. The upside is, there are whole lot of wonderful people out there if you are willing too look, listen and digest what they are saying. Good people give off good vibes, just as cruel people give off negative vibes.

I sure hope to hear from you. It does you good to talk on this board and get our opinions. Many of us have been hurt in school, and I'm one of them, but, I never faltered once. I could have joined the "in crowd" at high school, but found them useless, sometimes cruel, full of themselves and actually pretty damned dumb. I decided not to join the group and I was ridiculed, never made cheerleader because of it, but I knew in my heart I was my own person, and that one day I'd be out in the world and these people would be but a shadow of a memory and I wasn't about to let them ruin my life. How right I was!

Hang in there and be strong!Marcy

Answerhi againi really want to thank you for your post and it makes me feel better and also proves my point that i did nothing wrong.

the term bunny boiler is from the film 'fatal attraction' where a married man hooks up with a woman for the weekend for a one night stand, only problem is that the woman becomes obsessed with him and follows him home and writes i love you in menstual blood on his wall, he also boils his pet rabbit andd leaves it to simmer on the table.

don't think me sad for this but i still care about her. i wont be doing anything to encourage this. ie hanging around to look at her or saying hi or even seeing her if i can help it. i just cant seem to let go but then that's the case with most people. i don't love her anymore but i care if you know what i mean.

i really appreciate when you call me intelligent because i don't think i have made alot of wise desicions as of late but i know what youre gonna say 'that's why we make mistakes so we can learn from them' but ive made too many mistakes and may cost me a great deal of my lifetime.

by the way i don't spend all the time on the computer i spend a majority of time but i just have alot of questions that my friends/parents cant answer.

the loner comment you made sort of rung a bell cause when i was in primary school my leg problem was really bad (its spastic triplegia, a result of ceberal palsy) i was made fun of so i spent most of my time on my own which leads me to where i am today. i consider myself fairly well known and generally well liked but im not exactly a socialite but that's only because i don't want to be (too tiring!). im pretty wary of trusting people (especially now) as im self concious of my problem. my dad says to me the other day 'if you want a little female attention then you should cast your net far and wide' i said after what happened ill probably get a fishing ban. my sis prattles on and on about her 'suitors' are players and how fit they are. i just say hello and she said your a nice guy and you'll be a nice guy when youre older. i thought great im really stuffed now. women don't want nice guys! you know the guys that think they have alot of girlfriends cause they tell him their probs? they only tell him cause they think hes gay!

i still want to disappear as i lack a purpose amd feel depressed most of the time

AnswerHi there boyo (have to call you something. It's just an Irish term. LOL)

I missed talking to you and was getting worried about you. You see, when I answer some serious posts on here and there is a big lull in between my imagination plays a little on me, and although I can't save the world I often feel I have let that person down in some ways. Not everything I say is 100% right, but I do think deep and hard and say things from my heart, yet I can be blunt so I give the best I've got to the person in trouble. Also another poster can improve on my answer.

Well, I must say you certainly do have one heck of a good sense of humor (made me giggle here and there in your post) even though you are feeling very depressed right now, so I'd sure like to know how wild your sense of humor gets when you are not feeling depressed!

I remember that movie "Fatal Attraction" and it was a good one, but I felt badly about that poor bunny. Hey, I learned something new "bunny boiler" and now I can drive my friends whacky with that one because they won't know what it means either. LOL

You have to ask yourself why you are so attracted to this particular girl. It's time you stopped thinking about caring about her so much and be brutally honest about why you can't seem to get her out of your mind especially after the way she has treated you. I think somewhere in your heart you feel if you try hard enough to can win her over to your side, but why? She has made a choice of who she is in her life (at least for the time being.)

I truly do feel you are highly intelligent. Now using that great intelligence you have you tell me of one person that hasn't made a score of mistakes through their lives? Have you ever studied "Martin Luther King?" I admire this man a great deal and so I studied up on him. I was amazed after he gained a large following that he was on the road at long periods of time on racial/freedom/peace speeches. Little did he know that the blacks in Chicago were running against him and angry that they felt Martin Luther was full of himself and had left them in the dust. Of course this wasn't true and Martin Luther King had just made a mistake. He couldn't be all things to all people, and he was exhausted. So, what did he do? As exhausted as he was he did go to Chicago and made a great effort to give his support, but unfortunately it was a little too late and the blacks in particular didn't accept him as well as blacks in other cities and towns. It was at this point in time that Martin Luther King slipped into a great depression. He felt he had let his black comrades in Chicago down and he was questioning himself as to whether he was doing any good at all and was all his work for not. The depression lasted for some time and he actually became ill over it. He wasn't a quitter! That's what frightened some people about him. These people needed to be frightened, and think of this ... Martin Luther King wanted peace in this world (something I personally feel we can't attain because of the way some human beings are) but he tried and I respected him highly for this. He made more ground on trying to get people of all races and getting people out there to try peace for a change instead of violence than he will ever know. The fact he was assassinated was a sure sign he was getting somewhere. I told you this story about Martin Luther King, so you could see what a difference some people can make and you are one of those people that can make a vast change in the world and the world is limping along and not doing so well. We can all make small changes for the better. So, to be depressed is simply a part of life, but then we have to get up, dust ourselves off and get going again. Yup, we'll make more mistakes, but we learn from them!

So, you think you are the only one who has made some major mistakes in your life? Well boyo, this gal can sure tell you a story of two. I never hurt another person intentionally (but did hurt my parents by my idiotic actions when younger many times) but I learned my lessons well and moved on and strengthened my inner self and once older became not just the daughter of my parents but a friend. We laughed together and those very mistakes I made and caused them to worry were the height of teasing me endlessly about them and we would break up laughing. There were friends I let down, classes I failed because I was a smart-ass and skipped classes. I married a man that my family and friends begged me not to marry simply because I thought I could change him and I realized later what a waste of life I'd done to myself later. The man was abusive, mentally/physically and a cheater. Still, I trudged on and learned from this and now I have met and been married to a wonderful man for 34 years. There are actually times in my life now when I look back on some of my mistakes and it's enough to make a hooker blush! LOL For a short time, but only for a short time I am embarrassed all over again. I am still making mistakes, but learning from them. Now, if I hurt a friend without realizing it I own up to my mistake and make a genuine effort to apologize, and if I screw up in any other aspect of my life I try to rectify that as best I can too. That's all one should expect from themselves or others.

If you have a lot of questions that your family or friends can't answer why don't you run them by us. There are a lot of intelligent people on this board from all over the world.

We all limp through life boyo (in one way or the other.) I know how cruel kids can be in school when someone has an affliction. These kids don't even remember it anymore, so why should you? I have one girlfriend that is married to a paraplegic, another to a man that is blind, and they love each other more than a lot of people that can walk and see. So what is your excuse????? There are things you can do to help your leg and you know what it is ... therapy! Work out! You may always limp to a degree, but so what! Truthfully, (I do remember when I was younger. LOL) I wouldn't hesitate to date a guy with a limp, one arm, or no hand, etc. If I liked him a lot it just wouldn't matter. As my husband and I grow older together we know we are running out of luck with our health (no matter how well one looks after themselves) but we enjoy each other, laugh and hug life to us so we don't let it slip through our fingers. Each minute, hour, day, week and the years to pass are so, so important (mistakes and all.) He's balding, has false teeth, but he looks hot to me! I am getting older, a little gray in my hair, and a few wrinkles and a little heavier than when I was younger, but he still sees me at 28 years old (when he met me.) As we mature, most people see the genuine personality of that person and not the limp or that they are blind or in a wheel chair. You won't be super young forever.

Your dad is so right ... spread that net! There are so many more women in this world than men. I laughed so hard at your "fishing ban" comment to your dad. Good one! That's how my husband and I joke with each other. We 3 have the same sense of humor.

You're sister is impulsive and immature right now, but loves you and is trying to help you whether you realize it or not. I have a sneaking suspicion she wants you to work out just like I do. You can strengthen body parts very well if you put your mind to it. No one is asking you to be a "jock", but just strengthen those muscles in your leg. So you go through life with one bulging leg, and a good leg that's skinny! LOL

I still have male friends and I go over a few problems with them and I don't think they're gay and I had male friends growing up. We were more like brother and sister, but certainly not gay. However, I do see what you mean and as the old quote says when you're looking for love in all the wrong places, "I have enough friends, I don't need more!" You are at the age where you want a girlfriend of your very own. You see your sister dating and some of you friends and you ponder as to why you don't have one. Many guys and girls, fall in love with people that are playing hard to get or they are mysterious and sort of out of reach for them. It's the name of the game and most of us have been through it.

Now, I gave you the story of Martin Luther King for a reason! I think there is much more to you (inside) than even you realize at this point in your life. I am asking you if you would consider volunteering? I want you to choose something like working in programs with the Vietnam Vets (they'll set you straight and if what you see there ... broken limbs, no limbs, broken minds and hearts) doesn't do it for ya, then try volunteering in the children's ward of a hospital and see little ones fighting for their lives and some dying of cancer! I want you to volunteer just like I have and many of my friends (it keeps us centered! No pity parties for us!) You need to see what real suffering is all about and most of those vets would give everything they have if they are missing a leg to have your one crippled leg. Most children dying of cancer or fighting cancer would rather have a leg like yours than be where they are. Sometimes we need a rude awakening and that's why I volunteered at the Abused Women's Center in my area. It keeps me balanced.

I know there is something else bothering you, so why don't you just let it all hang out. I for one care!

I hope to hear from you and I hope you will listen to me about volunteering. You will be surprised how much better you feel within yourself and how many wonderful people give their time to help others that are less fortunate and there are lots and lots of young girls there I might add. Right now you go to school, don't work, and feel you aren't in the stream of life (that's normal) so get out and get in the stream and I'm sure they'll be no fishing ban going on. That only happens in British Columbia, Canada! LOL

Hope to hear from you soon.

Stay strongMarcy

Answerhi again

for all those who don't know me although marcy has answered a question of mine before. my names john

im glad i could make you laugh as i try to make most people laugh.

the thing with the girl is i just cant forget about her as she is the first girl that i have actually liked and just cant let go. dispite what she did or maybe did not do. her friend who told me to get lost is the jealous type and has been acting very funny around me (meaning having a really guilty look on her face, hell she can't look me in the face). just because she isn't getting any male attention shes being a cow! ive still 'disappeared' in school and have no intention of reappearing. guess what? im being pittied because of what happened so im definitly gone for good! all i want to do is get to know the girl not hook up with her. im too inexperienced to go 'fishing' and after what happened i can never trust a girl or anyone for that matter again.

I really don't believe there is anyone out there for me because im different and most girls only want 'jocks' (players where i come from) (im English btw) who get drunk on 'wife beater' (Stella artois) and treat them like complete rubbish. most girls are shallow, immature and vain anyway so they deserve it. they havent got time for guys like me.

AnswerHi John

Well a Brit, EH!!!! (how can you tell I'm Canadian. LOL) It's nice getting to know you.

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

You sure do have a good sense of humor and intelligent to boot. So, I find it hard that you are feeling so depressed. Instead of being "the good old chap" around your friends and making them laugh or being a good listener, it's time you took care of yourself and saved some of those good qualities for a special girl that I KNOW will come into your life.

It appears that this girl you are so interested in (being bi) is mixed up with what we call "butches" (females trying to be males) but to be polite we just say "gay." There is nothing bitchier than a butch and so now you are dealing with this girl's friend. I've been to gay clubs that one of my male friends took me too and I almost got into a lot of trouble. I wasn't use to this sort of scene, so when a man finally did ask me to dance I was relieved. Unfortunately, this tall, strong looking man happened to be gay (I was young at the time) and his "lady" came over and was furious he was dancing with me. When she asked ME what I was doing with her man, I turned around and stood looking up to a 5' 10" tall, burly looking guy that could have ripped the posts out of the dance floor. Thank heavens my friend came to save the day, but I was angry at him for not preparing me for this sort of night life. I just didn't know the rules at the time. Now when I look back I have a good chuckle over it.

John, I think you are bored in your own skin and you have picked this girl out for safetys sake because you know you can't have her and from the way she's treating you why bother? This girl is nothing but cruel because she is well aware of what she says and does and what is going on with the actions towards her. Sometimes it's just nature and we may want something in life we can't have, but dream a little dream about it.

Now why would you want to be pitied? I think it's a bad choice of words, and others that see what has become of this situation simply feel badly that it happened to you and that it's this so-called girl you care about that is the root of the cause. If you can't see this, then the care from others will vanish quickly. I can't help but feel you are on a road of destruction by your own hand.

I don't know if you've had other bad experiences with girls and now a bad experience with this girl, but did you ever ask yourself the question that you are walking on the wild side? You seem to be choosing the "bad girl" or "untouchable girls" in your life and you know it even before you get started. You have to ask yourself why! What's wrong with a pretty girl that is kind and considerate and how do you know someone in that school that has those qualities isn't interested in you?

Sorry, not buying "all girls want jocks" because it's simply not true! I dare you to go into shops where you live and look around. There are plain girls, plain guys, some thin, some fat, some nice girls that are good looking with plain guys and they are together. Searching for someone that you care about and that cares about you isn't easy and we all have to go through it. These types of people just don't drop out of thin air and if we aren't out there circulating and giving ourselves a chance to know different people then we won't get that chance.

Of course in your age group girls are immature, shallow and vain. Many are just silly and immature while others are vain, but not all. It's part of growing up. When I met my second husband he was 4 years younger than me. I didn't know it at the time since he was 23 and I was almost 28. We knew we loved each other and he was so shy I had to not just go out with him, but his 2 friends (great guys) and it was exhausting for me because I had to dance with all three of them! LOL Finally, he had the nerve to just go out on a one-to-one date with me and nature took it's course from there. I was patient and kind and didn't push and just let him be who he was. I was very extroverted and so I didn't really have a shy problem at this stage of my life (but was extremely shy in my teens.)

Sometimes we misinterpret what others are feeling towards us. We may think they hardly like us never mind expecting them to go out with us, but sometimes it's because they are too shy or perhaps they've been hurt in love before as well.

John, I just don't see you as a quitter! That's what you are trying to convince yourself to be!!!! You would rather have the students at school pity you, than stand up with a determined chin out and your head held high no matter what anyone does to you. That's dignity! You would rather give up on girls, then search elsewhere to find someone worthy of your attention?

You never mentioned if you would consider volunteering somewhere and I think it would do you the world of good. Not only are you helping others, but you meet some great people and that includes girls!

I need not tell you that you are going to have to find a girl on the same intellectual level as yourself or the relationship will grow stale. You aren't any different than a lot of people John. You are just making yourself different.

Did you ever see the movie "A Beautiful Mind?" Well, that's what I see in you and you're wasting yours. Of course you are going to have some difficulties at your age (we all did) but, before you know it you'll be old enough and independent enough to make your own destiny come true if you work at it. You just have to have patience.

So, what are these terrible things you feel you've screwed up in, and why don't you trust SOME girls?

I'm still here!

Marcy