It's his fault for having a mistress in the first place.
Women by nature are jealous of the other woman so they have a tendency to blame the mistress in the affair and even when the mistress harasses the wife, but it is the husband in this case that should stop the harassment because he started it all. Get tough with the husband and ignore the mistress; the ball is in his court.
You should be able to blame your spouse fully, since he/she allgedly cheated on you, whether the person they had the affair with realized it or not.
No, no one could really blame a wife for walking away if the spouse never kept his words to not cheat again.
It depends on the law in your jurisdiction. Some states still have "alienation of affection" laws but they are very difficult to prosecute. However, although its easier to blame the spouse's lover, it should be understood that it is your spouse who owes you fidelity. A third party should not take the blame.
No, you took vows. Hiding any information from spouse is deceitful
If this was the first time the spouse cheated and they are remorseful and want to stay in the marriage then yes, it is worth trying to save the marriage by seeing a marriage counselor who is not there to blame either spouse, but to give them the tools to strengthen their marriage. If the spouse continually cheats then it is best to get a divorce.
No, your friend will blame you for telling her. I know you are trying to be a friend, but she won't listen and you will ruin your friendship. She will need you when it does come out.
The word mistress, for example, has no male-equivalent. There's no opposite to “the other woman.” And that influences behavior. People are more likely to blame “the other woman” when their husbands cheat. But when a wife cheats, there's no collective blaming of “the other man.”
If the spouse is not a multiple cheater and has only cheated once then 'to err is human' and if the two of you need to sit down and communicate what the other is feeling without yelling and screaming or placing blame on each other. Seeking marriage counseling is a good idea and it is important that the spouse knows that the counselor is not there to place blame on one person, but to give the couple tools to work through their marriage problems. Many marriages have survived one affair, but not multiple affairs.
The entire world blamed Germany and the Nazis for all the deaths and genocide of the Jews. They blamed the Germans for not killing Hitler at the begginning. They blamed the criminals at the Nuremburg Trials for not stopping all the atrocities and for not stopping Hitler.
Such forms of secrecy are not healthy for a marriage. Not only does it lead a spouse to question the intentions of the other, but it also damages trust and communication.
Most mistresses take pride in thinking that they have succeeded in stealing another woman's husband which makes the mistress feel special and that she is the one and only in the life of the married man. Men who cheat have no backbone or commitment and they are looking for extra sex on the side. They use the mistress to possibly gain their youth back and to prove to himself that he can still attract other women. It's all about him and not about the wife or mistress. Most men just want a mistress to 'be there' for sex even though he may take her out to clubs or restaurants or even buy her gifts. In other words she is no more than a paid escort that will deliver sex when he whistles. Now that this married man has been caught he's trying to put the blame on you. The wife should not blame the mistress, but her husband. Be smart and stick to single men.