How can you stop having feelings for an old flame especially if you're married and have been in contact?

Answer 1

You can't just stop the feelings. Two things are important here. One is how you act on those feelings. The other is what you can do to change them - if you want to. If you pursue and old flame from your current (marital) relationship, you might be headed for a train wreck. No thinking person would say anything different. You already know that you will have to make some difficult decisions about whether to stay in contact, and, if so, under what conditions. You will also have to figure out what to tell your spouse. If you don't say anything and something comes up later because you simply remained in contact with the "other woman" even though it might be innocent, you're gonna be in a jam. It could get ugly in nothing flat. But you probably sense that saying anything to your partner might set something off now. It is doubtful that anyone would envy your position. Look to your heart and at what you feel and what you want. Consider who you are and how you see yourself now and in the future. As to your feelings, those things don't just disappear. They can only be displaced. They are like old computer files. They have to be written over with other data (or random bits if "wiping" the file) to get rid of them. You sense that if you continue anything but only occasional contact, the old feelings that have come back will only deepen. And they will bleed into your marriage. And displace feelings you have for your spouse. (Did you see that one coming?) You wouldn't need to appear on Springer or Dr. Phil to hear this. And you didn't need to hear it here. You already knew what your question would bring in terms of a reply. It's crunch time, compadre. The clock is ticking. The best players are on the field. You have control of the ball. What's the call? Be well, and may inspiration touch you as you search for answers.