Human Behavior

How can you stop yourself from trying to call someone who dumped you?

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February 08, 2007 1:38AM

i think the best way is just to keep yourself occupied, and keep yourself around friends. i know that there will be times where you will be sitting looking at your phone, but it will take time and just have the self discipline to say no. also delete their number, and any ways that you can contact them. (email address etc) ==I need closure though!== It is very hard because of the circumstance and i feel I need answers. Were together 9yrs were each others first and everything, he did sometime in prison a while back and I waited for him because I believed we were meant to be. He never wanted for nothing and I loved unconditionally. Moved in previously and after a couple of months things started to change. He didn't do much around the house and made me feel I was nagging when I asked for help he started to find me annoying. His wages didn't add up to much and quiet often I found myself paying for the rent and sorting things out for the house. I was very strict with him and always made him pay back as I believed everything should be 50/50 he didn't like this at the best of times. All he cared about was buying himself a new car because he had passed his exams and although our lease was nearly out he didn't care about a new home he wanted a car. The arguments started and I was always in the wrong I felt like for most of the time I was tip toeing around him, because he lost his rag over anything and everything and it was always my fault. He started being horrible - he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me, his feelings were changing and when he had calmed down and I had confronted him, he only said it out of anger and didn't mean it! But he kept saying such things - one day he was so horrid I asked him why he didn't just go - his response was that he had no where to go, again later he didn't mean it, he loved me didn't know how to be without me. Then one day he said he was sick of being unhappy and that he wanted to get as far away from me as possible - this time I told him to go and he was shocked said but he loved me - he was so confused he was starting to confuse me - bearing in mind we were meant to move into our new home that day. He left for a walk and before I knew it his uncle was at the door to collect his stuff unbelievable he had spoken to them in the morning and it was arranged! So I was in the toilet before he left he came in and asked me to tell him what to do and he will do it, that he didn't mean to hurt me. Without knowing where I was going to live he left me with my bags and was gone. I was homeless my old lease had run out and the new landlord will not accept me on my own because we thought it was couple. I had lost the deposit and haven't heard from him since. This is why I feel I need to closure - Even till that morning I was his world - even though he had said so many horrid things, then a couple of hours later he was out of the door............. It will be better in the long run for your self esteem. In my experience it will make you feel worse if you call as it will probably create further distance. If they want to call you they have your number. The truth of the matter hon is this young man was trouble long before you met him and ended up in prison. Prison can be a brutal place and anything could have happened to him in there. I don't think I have to paint you a picture of prison life. It appears he has been wandering aimlessly without resolution to his problems, but part of the cure is in himself. He has to admit to having problems (mostly anger problems from the sounds of it) and he hasn't taken the responsibility for seeking out therapy. It's wonderful to be kind to your mate, but another thing to spoil them rotten which you did! You took over all the responsibilities when you should have included him in paying bills, letting him know how much things cost and that you can't have everything. The other problem is once you have a prison record it is sometimes difficult to get a good paying job. The Parole Officer (if he has one) will often help with a job, but they usually are low paying jobs. This does little for your boyfriend's self esteem. It is also very apparent that he has had his own way for too long and doesn't like to be controlled, but was controlled in prison. Once out he was bound and determined to live like a gypsy and stomp on anyone that got in his way. Instead of using his energy to make a better person of himself he has decided to go back down that black alley yet once again. Don't follow him! In his eyes you were controlling him by doing all the right things and he didn't like it. He's spoiled and out of control. It is true HE HAD NOWHERE TO GO! His family has probably had enough of him and so should you feel the same way. He was using you as a place to flop! His middle name is "denial" and he hasn't learned one thing from being in prison. He blames you for all his problems and you should have asked him "Well, you weren't so great before and I wasn't in the picture at the time so what was your excuse then?" He's had a life of doing what he feels like and I have no doubt this guy wants bigger things in his life even if it means doing a criminal act to get it. He wants to have money, cars, freedom and be someone. He has a distorted view of reality. I hope one of our Supers Mackey comes along and adds onto this in a legal sense (I'm Canadian) but it sounds as if your landlord took both of you at your word and has already rented out your place and that's why you can't stay where you are. Otherwise it's pure discrimination. You said you had talked to him this morning. I think YOU are confused and fear being left out on the streets and this is forcing you to put up with his crap to put it quite frankly. This is NOT love! You are wishful thinking. Thank your lucky stars this guy will hopefully be out of your life because he doesn't offer you much of a future. This has nothing to do with his prison term, but he learns his lessons the hard way, wants to make it big and have his toys and then he thinks he'll be happy, but he won't unless he gets that therapy he has needed for many years. You didn't mention if you had family in the area. If you do phone them and see if you can live with them until you get your feet under you. If you have no family then ask a friend if they can put you up. This will give you a chance to get your feet under you, perhaps get a better paying job. By the way, DON'T leave a forwarding address for this jerk to follow you. You don't need an explanation hon, we've given you reason enough to kick this guy to the bricks. You did nothing wrong with the exception of not kicking his hide out the door earlier. If you don't accept the true nature of this man then you are stunting your own personal growth and the chance of meeting a wonderful young man that will put you first which you deserve. It's your choice! Good luck The best thing I found was to go and hang out with the opposite sex, preferrably your closer friends. They know you and you will value their opinion more than a friend from the same sex. It sounds weird but It helped me. The main thing to do is not call them! Whatever you are thinking doesn't matter, just DO NOT CALL. It looks desperate and needy. Show some respect for yourself you obviosly deserve better than them. Someone that appreciates you. Stay positive and learn from the breakup. A better love will come or he/she will realizes what they lost and want things to workout and become better, but let them have space to think. And yes you are capable of having a better relationship than the last one.