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Both or at least you should attend counceling. You will need a 3rd party with professional training to help you strive.
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Do an internet search for Sam Vaknin's blurb on Inverted Narcissists Survival Guide. If it doesn't help you, it will likely at least make you giggle. It did me and I just broke free from narcissistic abuse.

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Q: How can you thrive and stay strong if your husband is a highly cerebral Narcissist with religious convictions and has kept keep you in a 22-year marriage?
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