How do you get a husband to work on a marriage just as much as the wife does?

Answer 1

One of the key elements in improving a marriage is that you can't make someone want it, meaning if your husband is not working on things it may mean a couple of things.. he may feel as if he is being smothered, or you are not giving him the space to do "his thing" that doesn't mean that "his thing" is a bad thing. Guys sometimes need space. When they feel that they aren't getting that they sometimes shy away from a relationship. It could be that you are trying too hard. In my case I didn't realize just how hard I was trying to be the ideal mate. I was over doing it. I had been with my partner for several years, but that didn't matter. When things started going wrong I started trying to hard to make them right again. Things have a natural way of working themselves out, however there is the course of work it does take to maintain a relationship. I would approach him without making him feel attacked. Making "I" statements. When you approach someone with "you" and statements like with the words "never" and "you always" it tends to make a person feel as though they already have to have their dukes up. Communication is the key, but when things are not in a good place people tend to want to over talk the situation, that can also make a tense situation get so unbearably tense it's not humanly understandable anymore. I have just went thru this situation with my partner the key for us was actually not over talking the situation, being more considerate and giving each other space to be who we fell in love with. Remembering that being in love and loving each other is two different things and nobody is in love with someone all the time. Falling out of love is sooooo common it's natural, it's not bad, and if you talk to people that have been married 60 years they tell you it's supposed to happen. It's natural to want space, and if you want your marriage to work, you should take it. I suggest that you just let some things run their course, but on the things you want him to work on with you, don't push too hard, learn to pick your battles, and not ask him to do anything your not willing to do yourself, and do it first. I'm in no way suggesting that your not a good wife, I'm just letting you know the things that have worked for me. I learned that men have natural reactions to things, reactions that are totally different then women, learn that those differences are ok, celebrate them.. don't resent them, hope things work out. Whit