How do you tell your wife you want a divorce and you want custody of the children because she is abusive to you and the children?

Answer 1

This is something that you cannot do alone. Before you do this, consider going to a marriage counselor. If your wife will not accompany you, go by yourself. You will get much better advice from a professional, and you may find that your wife will recognize her behavior and reform if she is faced with the truth.

A bit more:

I disagree with the first answer that "this is something you cannot do alone". You can, and you should let your wife know how you feel and what you want. But I do agree with the first answer that you both need counseling - you need it so you can learn how to deal with her abusiveness, and she needs it so she can learn to stop being abusive.

But depending on the type and severity of abuse, you may need to leave with the the children first - their safety, and yours, is the top priority here.

If you still love your wife and only want the divorce because of her abusiveness, then counseling may even save your marriage. But if you know without a doubt that you don't love her any longer, then you should probably file for divorce, as well as custody of the children. It is much better for children to have divorced parents than to live in the middle of a bad marriage, especially when the mother is abusive.