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As you know abusers are all about control. Many abusers will snag usually very shy and "nice girls" because they appear to be more vulnerable (this doesn't mean the woman should EVER change who she is.) He will usually lavish her with gifts and pay a great deal of attention to her when they first meet, but this is a form of control because of two things ... he is buying her attention and he can keep an eye on what she is doing by being around her as often as possible. Slowly, he will take up all her time and will "put up" with her family or certain friends, but, before long he will usually want to live with the woman and often will move miles away or even live in another town away from the woman's family and friends and thus, he completely isolates her and "retrains" her to follow his wishes and let her know in no uncertain terms how the two of them should be living (by his rules.) Once he has completely isolated her (in some cases may even take the car away so she can't get out so readily, or, he has time limits on everything she does.) Example: If she is going to do grocery shopping he may give a time limit, then check the grocery list and if the victim is late even because of traffic, he is instantly suspicious as to what she has been up too. Abusers are extremely insecure and usually come from an environment of abusive behavior, but they can also learn this abuse from losing a position in a company (they don't think it's fair and they have no control over it) even to his peers being "one up" on him (in his mind.) Abusers are truly the victims because they see their whole life in a different slant. He may not be able to control his peers or society as a whole, but he can control the privacy of his home and that includes his victim ... his girlfriend or wife.

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2006-07-24 08:16:42
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Q: How does an abuser try to isolate you from family and friends in a subtle way?
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