If you have a partner that was in a past relationship with a narcissist do you find that the partner is either extremely dominant or extremely passive during lovemaking?

Answer 1

Yes and you're very observant. Anyone who has been through a psychological "mind bending" relationship with a narcissist or a mental/physical abuser can not possibly come out the other side of that relationship without having some psychological effects. We are all just human. People who have had a narcissistic partner have either been under-mined or brain-washed for months to years. Some partners fight back and of course never win because narcissists have an extremely high ego, are controllers and feel those around them (even at the workplace) are not as brilliant as they are (and this is in their own minds.) Narcissists are clever at masking what they truly are and can take "pot shots" at their partner in front of a room full of guests without any of the guests cluing in. The narcissist is about control and power and there is little their partner can do to control this aspect in them. Narcissists "give orders" and it always has to be his/her way or the highway. Thus, the partner will either become passive and not fight back (energy wasting) and come out the other side of this relationship with a very passive attitude in not only their sexual relationships, but every aspect of their life. There are some partners that will try fighting for an even-keel control of the relationship (of course they can't win) but they do stand up for themselves. They soon come to realize they can't change this person and can either stay in the relationship or leave and when they leave that narcissist they unconsciously tell themselves that NEVER again will anyone try to tell them what to do in their lives and thus, they take control. In a strange turn of events they have actually picked up some of the habits of the very narcissist they have learned to detest. Sit down with your partner and communicate. Let them know if it bothers you that they are too aggressive while making love. Don't be afraid to speak to your partner about anything. Don't argue, stay calm and ALWAYS ask them why they feel they need to be in control. Then all you have to do is LISTEN! You both can work this out together, but it will take time. Good luck