Is dating a much older man of your dreams healthy after just ending an abusive relationship?

Answer 1

Yes, in your case I would say this isn't healthy for you at all. You just aren't abused and then skip off and find another man. Sounds to me like you are picking them older because you feel safer with them and feel because they are older they can't hurt you. You are so wrong! All of us could use a little tune-up on the old therapists couch every so often because we all have garbage tied to our butts. You have not dealt with your abuse and instead of concentrating on ANY relationship with a man, I hope you will seek therapy. The Abused Women's Center Programs are a good place to start. You are more physically and mentally abused than you realize and you need help to express your anger over this and get your independence back. Once you feel you are independent, don't need a man in your life then that's the time when you can get into a serious relationship. Good luck (good for you getting out of that abusive relationship!) Marcy Thanks. I gues you have helped me more than you know. I guess i am hurting still and looking to fill the void but i have faith in the healing proces. After i read your post i called a womans shelter and am going to go to a group session. thanks so much. Marcy, yes i do somehow think it will be safer with older men. My dream as corny as it sounds is to meet an intelligent older man who likes to read and keep active. One who has a curious mind. Instead I find older, but they are often lousy in bed, boring, mean and controlling. I still keep trying though, but since they are odler they think your not there for the long haul. They enver get it that I would stick around if they were kind. Anyhow, now Im not going to just go for a certain type. I am going to be more open and let life take me where it needs to. I called that cousellling group from a womens shelter,, that should help me more get away from being a victim. You made my day and I am so glad that you have called for help. You sound like a strong young woman and I know you are going to make it. Age really isn't a factor if you love each other, but I hear you when you mentioned you wanted a cozy time with a person of intellect. Well, you can have both! How about trying out college? Perhaps just one course, but at least you can find someone on the same intellectual level as yourself. That's not snobby at all. If you love reading you could join book clubs, etc. There is a way to meet the opposite sex that is interested in what you are. I have been told I am bright, I love to read, I'm interested in what people have to say and I've even learned a great deal off this board. You stay strong, and I know you are going to be just great! If you still meet an older man that's fine, but don't narrow your chances down and give a 35-40 year old guy a chance. I met my husband who is 4 years younger than me. I was surprised at his intelligence and we had so much to talk about. I was bored and frustrated with the men my age and they were lazy, didn't find any interests in life. So, there you go .... some young guys are smart! Good luck hon Marcy