Is it common for an abuser to tell you that showing emotion like hugging a best friend is inappropriate even though your friend would speak up if it makes him uncomfortable?

Answer 1

Different people have different perceptions of what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. If "the abuser" is a boyfriend or girlfriend, then jealousy and insecurity may be a factor. Jealousy and insecurity do not make a person an abuser, but if they can not find a way to control their emotions, they can lead to abuse. A new relationship is all about establishing boundaries and spoken and unspoken "relationship rules." If you can not find a boundary that will result in a compromise, then there will be difficulty about this issue later in the relationship. If this person has already shown violent tendencies over this situation, then it would be best to leave the relationship. If the jealousy has manifested in emotional upset only, then try to talk to the person and let him/her know how you feel about him/her. Try to convince him/her that he/she is important to you. Do not try to change him/her completely and do not make light of how he/she feels. At the same time, do not tolerate him/her making light of how you feel or attempting to change you completely. Compromise is the name of the game. Good Luck.