Is it common for someone who mistreated you to flip out when you confront them and accuse you of pushing them too far and making it seem that you caused it all?

Answer 1

I've had that happen to me many times in my previous abusive relationship.Every single time they made me feel as if i was the one to blame to the point that i was beginning to think that i was going crazy! After some time i realized that it wasnt me.Also the isolation required from my partner contributed and aided this abusive behavior.

That is the exact MO of an abuser. I too was in an abusive relationship and heard those exact words your questioned. Like the person who also answered this question...I too thought I was the one to blame and was being to think I was crazy. That, however, is part of the ploy.

Red flag!!!! Leave and don't look back.

My husband is verbally abusive and physically abusive. We are separated because of a protective order. In his opinion, I provoked him to call me a "f*cking bi*ch", and other vile names. He says that I just can't let it go and stop talking. He says that my mouth gets me in trouble. He says if I just shut up everything will be fine. So yes to answer your question, verbal abusers project everything on to you when you confront them, tell you that you pushed them too far and that you are the cause of their behavior. They never take responsibility for their behavior, it is always everybody else's fault. In my case it is the courts, the DA and police, and finally his crazy, irrational wife. Although it is really hard to hear the things that a husband or significant other, who supposedly loved you said to you, you also have to realize that he won't change. And you need to take control of your own life. It only makes us stronger. If you have a chance please read: Verbally Abusive Relationships, and Controlling People by Patricia Evans. Also see her web site: http://www.verbalabuse.com/2.shtml

Yes. That's part of their "trap" that they set to bait you in. I dated someone that did this all the time. Most abusers, like my ex, fear confrontation because they know they will lose. To better arm themselves when they are forced to confront, they revise things and blame you for everything so they can railroad the discussion and avoid the blame being all on them, even they know they deserve it. If they'd only channel their energies to something more positive in life..........