Is it ok to marry a girl who you like but not love because she is pregnant and will you eventually grow to love her?

Answer 1

No, absolutely not. If you don't love her, you are doing her a big disservice by marrying her. How do you think she will feel about being married to someone that doesn't love her but has done so only out of obligation? How do you think she will feel later on when you DON'T learn to love her and you end up leaving her for someone you do (once her kid is 10-years-old and she's wasted ten years of her life on you)? She will feel used and much more hurt than she will if you don't marry her now. She is entitled to be with someone that loves her, and if you marry her, you will be taking away her opportunity to find someone that does. (Later, she will resent you tremendously for that.)

Plus, you can never predict whether you'll "learn to love her" or not. It's impossible to force yourself to love anybody, and if you don't love her now, what's there to make you change?

Why not hold off on the marriage part and date for another year or so? See how you feel about it then.

ANSWER

Ok, No one, and i mean no one should marry because there is a child involved. I'm sorry this is a difficult situation but you should marry someone because you love them and not just even because you love them but there are very many other things to take into consideration when getting into marriage. so be careful. If you think it will work out to marry them, i sure damn hope you're right 1,2,3, 4 years down the road. Important thing is be there for your kid Be the good father. thank you!

AnswerYes. In fact, there was a time when marraiges were arrainged and the couple only met when they were first married. They grew in love or were miserable. The fact that you know this girl and like her means you will eventually grow to love her and respect her. She deserves a husband to father the child and this child deserves a family. Get married for the child and stay married. AnswerI don't think you should marry this girl right away. Get to love her first, then ask her to marry you. It also depend on age. If you are mature enough to know for sure you will grow ot lvoe her, this would be a great time. Remember, there's no harm in waiting! AnswerIn my personal opinion it's not. Marriage is something that should be saved for people that LOVE each other. Not because you made a choice to not use protection ( not that it's what you did) or that you "might" eventually grow to love her. That's not what marriage is about. You can raise a child without marriage. It's a choice to make a commitment with the mother of the child. Make a commitment with yourself to be in the child's life. But your choice to marry someone to eventually grow to love someone would be much worse then having a child out of wedlock. That is a disservice to you, her, and the child. That is a marriage that is set up to fail.

Make a commitment, see what happens. If you are going to grow to love her... then it will happen even if you just make a personal commitment to work on you, and this relationship and raising a child. So waiting to get married isn't going to hurt anything, it will help you NOT be a statistic ( in the marriage department anyway) Yes love grows, but marriage isn't going to make that happen any faster, better, longer, lasting, any of the delusions that some people think that marriage is about. It's harder then most think. It's work, it's daily. It's not what makes love. It's what you have before that matter. Marriage is not a tool. What did you have before you got married? What did your relationship consist of before you got married? What would marriage do for your relationship? Marriage is not easy.. a lot of people have this grand illusion that you will be IN LOVE forever. That simply isn't true. If you talk to those people that have been married for 65 years. They tell you, you fall out of love. That doesn't mean you don't love your partner. It just means that IN LOVE honeymoon, shiney, glimmer in your eyes, all romance, floating in the clouds, pack your lunch with notes and kisses, scatter rose petals everywhere for you feelings aren't always reality. Of course love is always there... but reality sets in... and life grips you and it's not all romance. It is the good the bad and the ugly that make it. When the honeymoon is over, the chrome is wore off, you have some hurt feelings, you don't feel so lovey dovey anymore.. yeah. I do believe you should have already grown that love before you commit to death do you part for a thought of eventually growing that love... That true love.. that love that when you think of living your life without, makes you sick to your stomach. That love that inspires you, makes you mad, yeah sometimes hurts your feelings. Even misses the important things to you. The love that would go to ends of earth for you.. the love that stands with you. It's something that you can't find a word for. It's integrity. You don't eventually grow that, when you got it, you know it. Don't marry it for the possibility... wait and see.

AnswerIt is sad is that most of the people who answered this question are not thinking about the child. It is selfish to think only of your own happiness when you've made the decision to bring another life into this world. I take Dr. Laura's stand on this issue. I don't agree with everything she says, but when it comes to children she has the right view. Since birth, EVERYTHING you do should be for the child. If you are not thinking of that child, then you do not deserve him/her. If you don't love the mother and cannot marry her, then at least you should live close by and be a VERY active father. You might even consider a marraige of convenience where you simply get married and live in the same house, but separate rooms. You don't have to sleep together and you should not date (stay faithful like any other marraige because it would mess that child up to bring others into his/her life). This way you can be parents for the child. Just a thought.

Answer

As a single mom, I would advise you not to marry her. The best thing for the child is love and support, and he or she can get that from his or her mother. I agree that everything you do should be for the child. That is why you find a good pediatrician, take pre-natal classes and vitamins and learn how to burp properly. Sometimes, the best thing for a child is having two parents who are not married, but are happy. If you fall in love with the child's mother, get married. Have more kids even! The most important thing for the child is for him or her to know that they are loved. They will understand the family dynamic and one day everything will be explained to them. Love your child, care about his or her mother, be there, be a good father, an active father. A sham marriage on top of all of the stress of parenthood would make matters worse, in my opinion. At the very least, wait. I've been through the single parenthood thing...my son is 9 months old. Be true to yourselves and don't get married.