Is mental abuse in children when a parent puts the child and the divorced parent down like they put them down by saying bad things about them?

Answer 1

If one parent is saying bad things about the other parent it's hurtful, but not abuse. You could say to your mom/dad, "I know you hate _____. But I just can't hear it anymore. It's not because I'm sticking up for _____. It's because it reminds me that we're all unhappy. I don't care whose fault it is anymore, I just don't want to hear the bad stuff."

If your parent is saying terrible things to YOU about YOU -- that you're dumb, or awful, or worthless ... yes, that's emotional abuse. You may not get them to stop that.

Could be, too, that your parent is very insecure that you're going to love the other parent more. They are pushing you away with mean words because they already fear they've lost your love or approval. Sounds pretty childish, huh? It is. Men and women do it to each other all the time and yes, parents even do it with their kids.

One thing you need to know: you have to build up armor against ugly words. Don't take it to heart. Your parent loves you. Deeply. But they are in pain, and they are feeling horrible, and they're striking out against you. Sometimes it just bubbles out, and they say the worst things. They feel ugly inside. So they say ugly words out loud. It's true, they should be nicer to you than anyone on earth. But you'll find out we often hurt the ones we love the most. When you grow up, make a commitment to yourself that you are not ever going to do that. In the meantime, know that you are a good person, and you don't deserve any of the awful words being thrown your way. Grown-ups carry a lot of pain, and they don't often manage it well. If one parent is saying bad things about the other parent it's hurtful, but not abuse. You could say to your mom/dad, "I know you hate _____. But I just can't hear it anymore. It's not because I'm sticking up for _____. It's because it reminds me that we're all unhappy. I don't care whose fault it is anymore, I just don't want to hear the bad stuff."

If your parent is saying terrible things to YOU about YOU -- that you're dumb, or awful, or worthless ... yes, that's emotional abuse. You may not get them to stop that.

Could be, too, that your parent is very insecure that you're going to love the other parent more. They are pushing you away with mean words because they already fear they've lost your love or approval. Sounds pretty childish, huh? It is. Men and women do it to each other all the time and yes, parents even do it with their kids.

One thing you need to know: you have to build up armor against ugly words. Don't take it to heart. Your parent loves you. Deeply. But they are in pain, and they are feeling horrible, and they're striking out against you. Sometimes it just bubbles out, and they say the worst things. They feel ugly inside. So they say ugly words out loud. It's true, they should be nicer to you than anyone on earth. But you'll find out we often hurt the ones we love the most. When you grow up, make a commitment to yourself that you are not ever going to do that. In the meantime, know that you are a good person, and you don't deserve any of the awful words being thrown your way. Grown-ups carry a lot of pain, and they don't often manage it well.