Is the severity in which a narcissist devalues his past victim proportionate to the level of narcissistic supply obtained from that victim?

Answer 1

Yes, I would say yes. I would say that the N would devalue his victim more severely if he has more of an attachment to her. I broke up with my N in the first place and he devalued me hardcore. I think it made him feel better for the "reject" in his eyes.

Depends on the narcissist and the person ennabling him. Many narcissists tend to (at least to himself/herself) to value people on their ability to give them what they feel they need. People are devalued by a narcissist when they provide no supply to him, when they cut off the supply, or when they find someone who seems to be a better or improved source of supply (to the n.'s point of view.) In some cases, upon being confronted or rejected by someone for their behavior, the narcissist may initially become more violent or abusive than usual--making false allegations, pursuing legal means to punish the victim, blacken their reputation. I have thought about this a lot since the answer was posted. It's an interesting question. At first, I thought 'yes' - but now I'm not sure. There might be different qualities of supply. In other words, certain values an N holds that one person may provide more than another. For example, I know my N was HUGE into appearances (they all are actually) - things 'looking right' even when they weren't. I fit his ideal picture to a tee - physically, manners, social graces, conversationally, etc.. When I left him, it was a huge hit to his ego, especially because he 'wanted' whatever it is that I reflected onto him positively (how it appeared that I chose to be with him). He HAD to devalue me because of that. He could 'not' accept it was his abusive behavior that drove me away so he created a story - for himself and others about me being unforgiving, falling away from the "will of God", in fear, scared, selfish, etc. even though everyone around us encouraged me to get out. Perhaps, it's similar to landing a great job at a prestigious company. An N will take that as a pure reflection of how superior he is. Should he fail to meet his responsibilities and be laid-off or fired, I am sure the N would bash/blame the company - never taking responsibility, but boasting about them before they let him go. We are all susceptible to this to some degree when we are hurt or rejected. However, with an N, it's all about the extremes - treated perfectly - like you are 'everything' to the N - then abruptly disregarded and treated harshly/cruelly - Jekyl and Hyde. This is not normal. I have SO many examples of how my N did this. I absolutely could not trust this man. In the end, he still says he loves me, is "in love" with me (email contact) yet I know he simply cannot love. He destroys that which he says he "loves". There were times I felt pure hate from him. It's like a spoiled child who is given a beautiful gift and when they tire of it, smashing it to smitherines. I'm sorry, I don't think I really answered the question. It's a tough one and likely varies from N to N. At least we do know this - the swing is wide between idealization and devaluation with an N, with all victims. It is these extremes that are so devastating, unsettling and disturbing and is the mark that we have encountered an N we should leave. Best wishes, AlwaysLearning.