Is there any use in calling a Narcissist on his lies or does he just get more determined to hide the truth?

Answer 1

==He's bigger than your version of the truth!== Based on my personal experience, three things are very likely:
-He will view this confrontation as a major threat.
-He will immediately try to re-assert control over the situation, and over you, using whatever tactic has proved most effective in the past.
-If the old controlling tactics don't work, he'll try something new: he will escalate. Again, based on my personal experience, another thing is unlikely: the prospect of any lasting positive change as an outcome of your confronting him with his lies. The N that I know would be completely enraged that I presume to know anything more than he does about the truth! He would fly into a rage and vindictively explain--at length--all the reasons why I am too ignorant, messed up and unspiritual to know what the truth really is! He's religious, and his version of the Almighty always agrees with him! So if the N and his deity both agree that I'm wrong, where could I be getting these strange ideas? Maybe I should get some help for my condition? Pretty soon everyone would know about my problems. Not every N would use the same tactics. Maybe your N would try a "charm offensive" instead and expect it all to blow over (while he continues to do exactly what he does). Or maybe another N would get physically violent or threaten you. Some factors to consider:
-How dependent is he upon you for his narcissistic supply?
-How has he been able to control you in the past?
-How confident is he that he can control you now?
-Does he talk about you with your mutual friends or family? Does he ever discuss your problems with them? What would he say to them about your accusations?
-Have you confronted him about anything before? Have you seen anyone else confront him? What happened?
-Has he shown any tendency toward verbal or physical abuse?
-Have you ever left him or tried to leave him? What happened?
-Are you ready to leave now? Do you have an exit strategy and a place to go? The only use I've found is that I've come to understand that the person I had children with, and trusted to protect us, is going to do what he's going to do, regardless of what danger he puts us in and regardless of the consequences. He doesn't have any choice, it seems, or he'd do better. Calling him on his lies doesn't make him more determined. He was committed fully and completely before I called him out. He'll hold the course, not because that's what N's do.... but because it's what they're made of. Tremusan