Should you decorate for a funeral repast to feed family?

Answer 1

I believe the word you're thinking of is 'Repast' - the act of taking food or refreshment.

Cultural and Religious etiquette varies on this thought. In Western traditions, the only 'decorating' might be to distribute throughout the room/rooms some nice framed photos of the deceased. Alternatively, if the deceased has any particular documented moments for which they are known, e.g., newspaper articles, photos of events, etc., those would do nicely placed on tables or other places where they're not prone to being damaged through social accidents such as spilled tea, food, etc.

In Judaism, the term 'Sitting Shiva' is essentially having the repast just following the funeral. The word shiva is Hebrew for the number '7' and follows the Book of Genesis in the Old Testament, in which Joseph mourns his father, Jacob, for a week.. As a Jew, it was a process Jesus was familiar with.

Accordingly, many Christians adopt numerous elements of this practice; the wake itself being an evolution of that custom.

You might consider having a pitcher of water and a bowl at the entrance to your home or facility, for people returning from the cemetery. Also provide a number of hand-towels. Believing that water is the source of all life (think of Baptism), when someone has come in contact with death, it is appropriate to pour water over your hands to re-focus on life. And from a practical sense, it allows for anyone who has either strewn earth into the grave, or shaken many dozens of sweaty hands, to cleanse themselves before touching food.

If you believe your mourners may not understand the customs you're presenting, it is always polite etiquette to place a small hand-typed card, explaining the verse and what the water and bowl are for. Or even considering having someone to assist by welcoming everyone and inviting them to participate.

Consider arranging a table that holds all the framed photos and any memories you feel people would enjoy, around a lit candle. This reminds us that everyone born brings light into the world. And in symbolism, it represents that just as one flame can create other flames without diminishing the original flame, so too can we touch many lives without ever being diminished ourselves.

If there are any mirrors in the room, consider covering them with cloth. The tradition suggests that mourners need not be concerned about their own appearance at a time such as this; priorities have changed, and personal vanity is not important at such a time.

In Judaism, family mourners sit on seats, boxes, cushions, anything, that's low to the ground, and even on the floor. This represents that they're brought closer to the earth in which they've just buried their loved one. It's symbolic that they're struck down with grief. Visitors outside of the family generally, but not always, sit on normal chairs and sofas.

The food served is often referred to as 'the meal of healing.' This is where the Western custom of people bringing food to a home after a death began. In tradition, it is the responsibility of the community and visitors to ensure that there is enough food for the mourning family and well-wishers.

It's quite a practical consideration Mourners in their grief are often forgetful, or reluctant to take care of their own personal needs. When food is offered by others, mourners are encouraged to eat, which reinforces the affirmation that life must go on. And it also serves as a nourishment of healing.

It is certainly appropriate either before or after the meal (most often after), to have a brief selective prayer for the deceased and the family. If people trickle in and begin enjoying the food, it can become awkward to interrupt for prayer. If everyone is gathered in and doesn't fully understand that they should wait before touching the food, it can not only be awkward, but can take an extremely long time because some people may have lingered grave side for a moment, or needed to tend to private matters between leaving the cemetery and arriving at the venue. So customs have shifted where the prayer is offered at the end of the gathering. It also helps mourners to understand that it's acceptable for them to now leave - something that can leave many feeling uncomfortable because they're not certain what the protocol is.

A final thought. Whilst it does vary by some social customs, it is highly inappropriate, if not revolting or distressing, to display photos of either the deceased in a coffin, or however they've been presented, nor images that mark how the deceased lost their life - such as photos of a car wreck, etc.

Allow the mourners to remember the deceased as they best remember them - not with an image of sorrow.