What's the best way to tell a man that you do not want to buy a house or save money to buy a house together without getting married first without sounding like you're blackmailing him?

Answer 1

Whatever happened to "dating, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house and having children?" I wonder where those old fashion traits went because since relationships have become more free with great abandon in the 60s relationships have gone down the tubes and divorce has more than tripled. It appears some people do things backasswards in this day and age with little commitment attached. Call me old fashioned, but getting married first, then saving and buying a house makes more sense than the other way around. At least you love each other and there is a commitment before buying such a big purchase. I think you've got it girl! Women really have to protect themselves financially and if you invest in this house (and I'm sure you work as hard as he does) and something goes wrong with your relationship and you split-up then he can demand to either buy out your half of the house or force you to sell and you'll have to split the cost. This happened to one of my girlfriends. She lost a lot of money, but managed to pay her ex off and kept the house. Sometimes it's the woman that completely loses out in court and ends up with nothing. You shouldn't feel fear in the fact that he'd think you are blackmailing him. Sit down one night and quietly tell him this, "You know, I really like to do things the right way and I prefer to get married and then start snooping around for a house, but you can both still save towards the house (BUT BE SURE YOU KEEP YOUR MONEY IN YOUR OWN ACCOUNT!") If he persists and can't see your side of things, then this guy isn't for you. Never be afraid of being an independent woman and looking after your own rights. Even though I am married to a wonderful guy and have been for 33 years, I save my money in my OWN ACCOUNT! It's my nest egg and there for a purpose. I am not being dishonest, told my husband about it and I'm just playing it safe. When we get our pay checks we pay the bills, put some away in a joint account, and we each get a type of allowance to do as we want. I put my mine in my own personal account. Take a deep breath and have that talk with him. If he's so easily hurt over something like this, then you sure don't want to marry this guy. Good luck Marcy