What can you do if your boyfriend has sole custody of his kids and his ex is bi-polar and has been causing problems in your relationship and he left your house to discuss the children with her?

Answer 1

When children are involved there isn't much you can do. It is not uncommon for her to dislike "the other woman" and if it weren't you it would be anyone else her ex is seeing. After all the "other woman" in her eyes is coming between what she feels is a saveable relationship. She is probably trying to get to see her children and either she really misses them or she is using the children to try and win over her ex or at least see him. Only you know if he is seeing her and having a sexual relationship with her. If you and your boyfriend have had no major problems in the past other then arguing over the fact she is bothering him to see the children when the courts have given him sole custody (for good reason) then I wouldn't worry too much. Instead of fighting over it and being afraid he will go back to her (I doubt it) you should try to remain calm, sit down and communicate with him and just let him explain what is going on and try to help where you can. This is extremely hard on him because whether you like it or not this young woman is the mother of his children. Sometimes just listening will help. It is also important that in a calm manner you explain to him that he has to make the decision to follow the court ruling for the benefit of the children and that he is going to have to learn to say "NO" to her. Tell your boyfriend that he needs to stay away from her and when and if she decides to get help, stay on her medications and proves she can handle being around her children then and only then should there be any discussion about joint custody. When two people have a child or children together there is a bond one cannot explain even if they are separated. It may not be love, but there is that bond. This guy (although he isn't treating you very well) is caught between a woman he had children with and you. He is extremely confused and wants to do the right thing for his children, but obviously making many mistakes (i.e: thinking he's not a good dad.) You need to sit down with him and tell him he needs some head space and so do you (I know this is a risk for you) and when he can get things straightened out to give you a call. He can't possibly figure this one out in a few weeks or even a couple of months so be prepared to start life again on your own and either meet a really nice guy you deserve or perhaps your b/f will come back and have hopefully resolved his problems. You are really being hurt by this and it simply isn't right. Back off and don't be "so there" for him. You did nothing wrong, but love him and hopefully by you leaving him to decide where he is going with his life he'll see what he's missing .. you! Talk to him and or ask one of his friends to talk to him without knowing the you asked them. If there's something going on between him and his ex, leave him as soon as you can.