What if you don't like your name?

Answer 1

Dads and Moms usually give a lot of thought to what they will name their new baby. Often, the baby is named after someone in the family. This usually has one of three main purposes:

1. to honor the person the baby is named after; the relative of the same name may be older or deceased
2. to show love or respect toward a living relative of the same name
3. or to carry on a family tradition (example: Daniel Xxxx, I (the first), Daniel Xxxx, II (the second), Daniel Xxxx, III (the third).

Other times, parents decide to find an "original" name. For example, a recently popular name has been "Nevaeh" which is "heaven" spelled backward.

Whatever name the parents choose, you can be assured that in all cases, the parents were excited by the name they picked!

However, as a child grows up, an interesting phenomenon occurs: Many kids decide that they simply hate their given names! Sometimes the hatred started after other kids starting teasing a child. Other times, the child doesn't feel the same way about the same-name-relative as the parents felt/feel. As well, sometimes well-meaning parents pick old names that invite teasing, such as "Wilbur" or "Edmond".

A child who hates their own name may wish he could change it. But parents often resist this idea because whether "Edmund" or "Josephine", the parent was in as much love with the name they chose as they were with the baby they named. Even if "Josephine" demanded to be called "Julia" or "Judy", the parents would still be invested in keeping their girl as "Josephine."

Interestingly, even kids who absolutely "hate" their names during grade school or high school begin to have a change of heart. When "Wilbur" looks in the mirror, his name is just as much a part of his identity as his interests, likes and dislikes, preferences, etc. As part of identity, a name "grows on" the person who has "worn" it for so many years.

But until that time, kids may try on new names they wish they had. There's no harm in imagining how it would be to be called a different name. But most parents resist or refuse to allow a child to legally change his or new name because it does require legal actions. A court must change the birth certificate; schools will reject any other name. A legal name change may be expensive, and most parents don't want to go that route.

If you still feel you dislike your name, try a couple things. Write down your name at the top of a paper, then write all the things that name means to you. Write at least 5 to 10 things. Next, ask your parents what your name means to them; if they had to describe anyone with that name, how would they say it? Then, ask your friends to write 3 things that describe *you*--not your name. Now, use the internet to look up your name on a "Baby names, meaning" website. Think about the descriptions that you, your parents, and your friends wrote. I bet you will have a new perspective about how other people view you and how they think of your name.

My best advice is, let yourself grow with your given birth name. Growing with is different than growing into. Growing with implies a process in which you and your name grow in unison, together, and alongside each other. Growing into sounds more like trying on hand-me-down clothes until you "grow into" someone else's clothes! But your name, even if it is a common name, isn't someone else's old, used clothing!! Your name is uniquely your own, filled with your personality and dreams. As you grow with your name, each year you will discover more and more of your Self and Being in your name. When someone calls out your name, it holds a very personal and special connection -- to YOU, and only to you. Even though there are millions of girls named Jane, and millions of boys named Charles, each person's name represents a completely different and special person. So, I challenge you to discover what is special about you, with the name you now have.