What if your wife and you are separating she wants to kick you out of your apartment you both are on the lease can she do this?

Answer 1

There is no legal reason why the wife would automatically have precedence over the husband in keeping an apartment when the marriage is in trouble, if both are on the lease. You do not have to move out. If she can't stand living with you, let her move out. If she refuses to move out, then you have the option of simply not separating. Incidentally, there are cases of people who are separated or even divorced, but who still share housing, when it is not convenient for either person to move out. You don't have to be married to share housing, after all. Lots of people have roommates. Answer #2: I agree that absolutely everything stated above is TECHNICALLY correct. However, life has many unwritten rules, and I'd like to refresh your memory on some of them, if I may be permitted to do so. As a general rule, it is wise to remember that people can DO anything that they want to do. Whether or not they have any legal grounds for this is almost irrelevant, given the time and financial cost of "winning" a legal battle in court, so some stranger in funny robes can decide the fate of your life for you, and tell you who was "fair" and who wasn't according to some rules that weren't written by either YOU or YOUR wife. If they are willing to pay the price for the consequences of their actions, people can make anybody's life quite miserable, even up to and including murder, as you are apparently just now discovering. You DID state that you and your wife are separating, right? You have several rational choices, a few of which I will list below. Which one(s) you pick, if any, are entirely up to you. 1. Since you have decided to separate, one of you will have to leave the apartment. The other will have to take over the lease, which means filling out paperwork all over again, and put in clauses that removes the other marriage partner from the legal obligation to pay the lease if the other doesn't make the payments. Yes, both of you are currently obligated to make the payments, but if your wife chooses NOT to, and is willing to push it to the limit, including ruining her credit rating over it, YOU will wind up having to pay for the apartment anyway, whether or not you live there. 2. Since one of you has to leave the apartment in order to be "separated", and since your wife wants YOU to go, why don't you accommodate her wishes? You will, at the very least, demonstrate that you aren't nearly as bad of a guy as she is probably insisting right now to anybody who will listen. Besides, guys can live in any hole in the wall and not be all that much put out by it, so what difference REALLY, does it make to you? Separating is a lot of work to begin with, what is a little bit more? If you decide to follow this course of action, it won't hurt to snag some extra brownie points for your "sacrifice". Saying something along the lines of "Honey, I realize that we haven't seen eye to eye on everything so far, and I truly regret that we have decided to get a separation. However, I loved you once and I believe that we can learn to get along well enough to feel that love once again, and I'd be thrilled if you'd agree to stay here to keep the possibility open of the home fires burning brightly once again for us!" If you MUST gag over telling whopper lies, then do it out of her presence and hearing. This approach cuts out almost all of a woman's ready objections and paints a completely different picture of what her actions really mean. You might be shocked over the effect that this can have on a hardened woman's heart, especially if you can manage to look somewhat sincere while you are saying it. At the very least, you are setting the stage for the possibilities below to take place. 3. It is unclear who is making the decision to separate and what the motivation for that decision might be. You don't indicate any desire to stay WITH your wife, as you seem to be primarily concerned with, and outraged by, the fact that she is acting "unfairly". If it is simply because it is inconvenient to live with each other's irritating behavior, then there really is no problem that can't be solved given sufficient motivation. If infidelity is involved, either on the part of you or on the part of your wife, then things will be considerably more tricky, but not impossible. Having to pay for two places might or might not be sufficient motivation for you to consider investing in some skillful negotiating tactics and attending some "suddenly affordable" domestic training sessions. Consider the inevitable outcome of the following nasty scenario: Your loving wife, faced with your arms crossed refusal to vacate the apartment, picks up the phone and dials 911. She suddenly becomes a consummate actress to the person on the other end of the phone, which you recognize from the LAST time she faked strong emotional responses in your presence, and when the police arrive, you will be escorted to the door WITHOUT any of your belongings. While blatantly unfair, the police are NOT in charge of assessing who is "right" and who is "wrong" on the spot in most municipalities. They have too many pressing calls to attend to. You are two adults, who are acting like little children who can't even solve their own little domestic spat, and so you BOTH must be spanked. If you think that this is unfair, listen to this: I was the one who called the police in a roommate dispute once. It was MY finger that nearly got bitten in half during a Wrestling match that spiralled out of control. When the police arrived, it was ME that had to hit the road! Given the undeniable preponderance of women getting beaten, hit and slapped around by the men in their lives, police MUST act as if you are a genuine threat to your "desperate" wife. Lacking any REAL proof that YOU are any LESS of a liar than she is, you will be told by the officers present, what day and time you may come back to pick up your stuff, provided that you have remembered to make an appointment for a police escort to be present to "keep the peace" and then you had better hit the road, if you know what's good for you. This little game played out with the wife and the cooperation of the police does seem to turn on the dim, little lightbulb in SOME men's heads, and they begin to see the picture more clearly. Women are definitely fun to screw, but if they aren't catered to sufficiently to meet their minimum needs, then they can screw you back quite as easily as they can dry their nails, only it isn't quite as much FUN when they do it this way. BOTH of you are unhappy about SOMETHING, and it is quite skillful to attempt to understand MOST CLEARLY what the other person's point of view is, even if you happen to violently disagree with it. THAT in fact doesn't matter so much, however, it is CRUCIAL that you can at least repeat to each other, what it IS that the other person thinks about your current problem. Note, I did not say "problems". Tackle only ONE issue at a time, and quit when you make some decent progress. Leave each session a "winner" and eventually, you will train yourselves to "expect" a positive outcome to your disputes and your discussions about your disputes. Now, given the unpleasant realities that hundreds of thousands of men have experienced before you, you might wish to consider this next strategy. "Nancy, (insert your wife's name here, you'll be killed if you fail to follow this simple instruction), I've looked up the statistics on couples getting back together after they separate, and I am horrified by what I see! There is almost NO chance that we will reconcile permanently, based on the experiences of many, many other couples if we go through with this separation right now. I care VERY much about our happiness together, and I agree that I have not always been as skillful as I might have needed to be, but if there is any way we can temporarily sleep in separate rooms for a week or so, while we look for ways to get along better and to get both of our needs met on a regular basis, then we will have improved our chances of making our marriage last by over 200%! You know I married you for better or worse, and while we aren't getting along all that well right now, it would be wonderful if we could restore some of the loving feelings and harmony that we had while we were dating!" To keep things real, remind yourself while you are saying all of this, that in fact the main reason you were able to be "loving and harmonious" while you were dating her was because you wanted to get into your wife's pants. Well, pretend that you have to work for that privilege all over again, because APPARENTLY, you DO! It wouldn't hurt to rehearse your lines somewhere off the premises. You want it to come out pretty natural, as though it is occurring to you on the spot. You don't have to have perfect tone of voice, or control of your emotions, but you DO have to get the words right without any hesitating. Shoot for an "in-home" separation, which has several advantages. It does not increase the cost to your pocketbook by whatever hundreds of dollars it will cost you to rent another pad. It could save you thousands more in legal fees for a divorce if you can wind up preventing one. Proximity increases your chances of working things out dramatically. "Out of sight, out of mind", and she might get to LIKE not having you around for a while. You might actually get some, if you bring home a bottle of wine and some flowers tomorrow night (tonight would be even better yet) and your sudden change in behavior would likely show your wife in a way that nothing else possibly could, JUST HOW MUCH it matters to you that SHE is happy! Yes, I know, you really just want to be happy yourself, but it doesn't take a boy genius to see that if your WIFE is happy, then YOUR happiness will soon follow, now does it? Swallow your pride in the same way that you probably want her to swallow your "love juices", and get with the program! Ask her what it would take for her to continue living with you. As husband and wife. Make no promises. Not even one. But stick with your line that "you will do everything humanly possible to work this out so that everyone is happy with the results". When she says an item that she "has to have", say something completely neutral, such as, "I see", or "So, this is REALLY important to you?" and never yawn until she is out of the room. Make a list of her "demands". Do it right in front of her using a pen and a pad of paper. Repeat each of them back to her right after she says it, and ask her if you got it right. Don't proceed until you get an agreement from her that you have it right. DON'T protest if she changes the wording over and over. It just means that she is thinking in a logical fashion about her desires, possibly for the very first time. It also indicates that you are VERY serious about what she has to say. It doesn't SAY that you will change anything, which, after due consideration, you might or might not decide to do, given time to cool off and all that. Don't add any of your own requests until another day. This is HER chance to see you in a new light. Don't screw it up by being the pigheaded idiot that got you both to this point in the first place. If you DON'T take the bull by the horns right now, and make the first move to reconciliation, you might as well start selling off your 401k and planning on making a huge gift of the proceeds to your divorce lawyer. The creep. Remember, you'll have to pay taxes AND penalties on that for "early withdrawal". Kinda ironic, isn't it? 4. If you can read, I suggest you look up Michelle Weiner-Davis and get her "Divorce Busting" book or one of her other ones. The one that talks about how to run "experiments" in finding out what your partner likes is especially helpful. The stuff works better than anybody ever imagined. It only takes ONE person to change the marriage relationship, but if you start now, your wife will join in with your efforts soon enough. Keep in mind that your GOAL is to keep your wife happy. She will keep YOU happy once THAT goal is met. If you insist that she make YOU happy first, because of some misguided notions of "fairness", then you will just wind up shooting yourself in the foot. Look at how much effort, time and expense you went through to get THIS far in your marriage to your wife! Are you really going to throw it all away just over some stupid attitude adjustment you'd rather not have to make? God made you to be a man, the leader of the household, not some whiney brat who can't see how good he has it, if he would just learn to take the time to figure out how to keep the "troops" happy and well fed. Write me back and tell me how things work out for you. I'd love to know the parts that worked and the parts that you had more trouble with. Don't go down and be a another divorce statistic without a good fight! OK, I'm back. I think it is fascinating that you have given such a lengthy and detailed addition to my original answer, and I think that your advice is quite sound. The only objection I have is to the beginning of point #4 where you say "If you can read..." when obviously, the person who posted this question can read. Illiterate people are not able to use this web-site (at least, not unless they have the assistance of either another person or, for the visually impaired, a program that translates written words into spoken words, but in either case, a person who has the means to use this site would necessarily be able to use those same means to read the book that you recommend). Admittedly, I have seen lots of questions posted on this site which suggest that although the people posting them can sort of read, they don't read very well. But not in this case. I have received a message from the person who wrote that question, and he gives me some additional information about his situation, which includes the fact that he is disabled (although he did not state specifically what disability he has). This would certainly have some affect on the way the police would treat the situation if his wife were to phone them and claim that she was being abused. Nonetheless, it is a valid point that there is a risk that an unscrupulous wife can accuse her unwanted spouse of crimes that he did not commit. I will add that police will investigate such claims. If a person claims to have been assaulted but has no visible injuries, the claim will not hold up. So this strategy doesn't always work. But as you say, sometimes it is better to find other options rather than getting into an all-out war with your spouse. I am sure that you have given this person something to think about.

Answer 2

Of course she can. Do you think you can get the police in to watch you both at night?

Answer 3

As your wife has only her name on the lease of the house she has a strong case of vacating you out of the flat.