Why are women abused by men?

Answer 1

== == * First off not all men are abusive. Those that are have had the problem for a very long while. They are chameleons and when you meet them you would never guess that they have an abusive nature until you fall in love and start seeing more of them and then the signs gradually creep up in a sneaky way. Even chameleons have to change their colors every so often and can't constantly fake it. Women are considered the weaker sex, but really aren't. Yes, men are stronger, but women can stand up to most men if she is independent in herself and not afraid to walk out that door or refuse to take any sort of abuse. There are more self defence classes for women out there than gyms. However, this does not make the abused women in our society weak or frail. In fact, they are heroes in their own right simply because they survive the best they can. Women are romantics, while some men can take full advantage of this and use the woman, or abusive men can catch these types of women in their web of insecurities and violence. None of us know when we first meet someone and if they are abusive until we are totally involved. Many women will leave their abusive mate, but some stay out of fear, sometimes because of the brain-washing the abuser has accomplished with her, or the fear of losing any children she may have with her abuser (they will often use the children against the woman to gain more control.) The bottom line is, men and women have total control of their own lives and we can all form the words "no" and move on.

=== === * The cycle of violence. An abuser in the beginning of the courtship appears nice, fun and like he really "gets you". You feel good around him. He makes you feel "chosen" and "special". Little does the victim know is that the abuser has to work pretty hard at this stage to hide his true colors. If he was too show the woman his true colors this early on, most women would dump him as there is little emotional connection. Then the abuser feels comfortable. He feels you are hooked in enough to begin his destruction. It will start off small. Such as comments meant to confuse, destabilize or insult. He may do this in a way that keeps her guessing such as "did he really mean what he said to be rude?". As time goes on, you will notice one day he gets very mad and/or very withdrawn. When you ask him about it, you are blamed. He may take some blame but he may also slip into the conversation that you are also At Fault. He may become jealous and paranoid you are going to leave. He may follow you without you knowing it. He may argue with you on the phone and begin the silent treatment. He may start to make you feel like yo are nothing. Insulting your friends, clothes, religion, employment, recreational activities. He then will go from lashing out to being very nice. He is afraid you may finally say to hell with this and leave. Therefore hes gotta provide that hook. He turns nice again. Often like the man you first met. You get hope back. You think maybe he realises what he has and will change. He doesn't. Before long he returns to his former behaviour. He cannot change as his thought processes are still the same THROUGHOUT the entire cycle. Eventually the victim may start to pull away. She may consider leaving him. he can sense this. The abuser can detect a victim in this stage. He may become needy like a lost puppy. He knows deep down she has the strength to leave him and it terrifies him. He will be very nice then mean. He doesn't know how to handle her threatening departure and independence. He feels he better act quickly to put her in her place. He may cheat and rub her face in it to let her know other women want him. He may aim to tear her down emotionally. He may beat her. The victim often goes through rage, sorrow, and fear until she finally reaches the lost hope stage. Once she has reached lost hope, she realises that no matter what she does she cannot change him. Often this is a light bulb moment. The pain of staying is worse than leaving although the longing and sorrow may still be there. Finally comes the day when the victim leaves. They may better themselves and work on their inner and outer self after being systematically worn down. Often they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Victims are strong and can heal quicker than they see possible. It is when they are no longer in grief and their self esteem begins to rise that the abuser loses his control. In fact the abuser rapidly loses control once the victim leaves.

Answer 2

Power over them! the men believe that they need to be the most powerful in the relationship. Even if it means hurting the one that he loves! Some were in abusive homes as children (maybe father beat mother) and the man grew up believing that that was what happened in a normal family!