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Why do abuse books suggest that the victim get counseling to deal with the abuse when it is obvious that the victim will never be truly happy until the abuser is out of their life?
Wiki User
∙ 17y ago
Most books tell you to leave the abuser and then get the counseling. That's what Abused Women's Centers are for. They not only give the victim a safe place to stay, but help them get on their feet by going to court (if need be re their abuser) fight for custody of their children, and help them find a job. In payment for this they expect the victim to do their part by learning about the Cycle of Abuse and also taking their programs so the victim will not go back to her abuser or, will not choose another abusive mate. These groups are wonderful because it puts the victim in a group of other abused women and they don't feel so alone in their plight. One can read all the books they want, but I call it "arm chair psychiatry" and the victim has to be serious enough to really want to get out of the relationship and thus, "The Abused Women's Centers." Marcy Sometimes abuse has left the victim's self-esteem in such a bad state that the victim has no courage or energy left anymore to leave or to make any other important decisions. As abuse is all about control, it's important that the victim starts to feel in control and empowered. Leaving the abuser must be her decision, no-one else's. For many victims, leaving also means financial hardship, divorce and custody proceedings etc. It is not easy to leave, and the victim will certainly need all her courage to end the cycle.
Wiki User
∙ 17y ago
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Why do so many Abuse websites and talk shows that deal with abuse suggest that the victim get counseling when it is plain that this will just be another thing for the abuser to use against her?
If the victim hasn't left on her own, it's obvious that just telling her to leave won't make much sense. Most responsible advice tells the abuser and victim to go to counseling so that the problem can be accurately diagnosed and both parties will be able to slowly acknowledge the eventual outcome. Using that method results in far fewer problems in the long run. It may appear to be a clear problem to some people with an obvious answer, but other people need a little time to live with the problem and learn to deal with it and yes, even to have a chance to change their behavior. Because, while the abuser is in definite need of counseling, so is the victim of abuse. There are personality traits, learned behaviors and traumatic instances that an abuse victim may be able to alter given the right therapy. Juts the fact that your're worried that therapy is something that can be used against the victim rather than a tool to free her indicates a need for counseling.
The power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
The victim has no power or they would not be abused. The abuser always has the control. Children and the elderly are victimized often in society as well as men and women. The abuser will start out by abusing psychologically and 'put down' their victim until they leave their victim confused with no self confidence. The abuser may threaten to leave their victim (this is terrifying to the elderly); leave the wife and take the children; talk of killing the victim or anyone that is close to them. The abuser often isolates their victim so their victim has no family or friends to turn too and they have to suffer in silence and depend on their abuser.
What makes people vulnerable to abuse and the power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
the abuser is called sadist & the victim is called masochist.
Could sibling abuse lead to sibling madness?
* Unfortunately yes, sibling abuse can lead to such anger the abuser could beat the person to death or, sometimes it can lead to murder. The victim of the abuser will not likely go mad, but will certainly need psychological counseling to get over the trauma.
Does the abuser have the right to be at the victim's deposition?
No, not at deposition if the victim opposes. But the accused abuser may request to watch the recorded deposition or monitor through video at real time.
What mental and physical signs are related to Stockholm Syndrome?
Positive feelings by the victim toward the abuser/controller Negative feelings by the victim toward family, friends, or authorities trying to rescue/support them or win their release Support of the abuser’s reasons and behaviors Positive feelings by the abuser toward the victim Supportive behaviors by the victim, at times helping the abuser Inability to engage in behaviors that may assist in their release or detachment
Explain how God forgives a sexual abuser who stop but was once a victim?
if the abuser is genuinely sorry for what he has done, admitted his wrong to both the victim and to god and has taken genuine steps to repent.however, if the abuser was once a victim, in y opinion, it makes the situation worse, as the abuser should be fully aware of the dammge he/she has done.I was violently raped, but i have no desire to abuse another human being.
What role does fear play in abusive relationships?
The abuser of the victim will first alienate the victim from their family and friends and can even move to another town in some cases. An abuser is sly as a fox and at first often can win over not only the victim with kindness and generosity, but also win over family and friends. However, there are many cases where family and friends can often see right through the abuser even before he segregates his victim. Once the two are alone the changes can come quickly such as verbal abuse (the abuser is inwardly unhappy about their own failures in life and will transfer this onto the victim) and then the physical abuse often comes next. Sometimes the abuser will never apologize to his victim, but many do and continue to promise that they will never do it again, but they do. The abuser is aware they have total control over their victim and if the victim shows any sign of independence or that they are going to leave the relationship this is when the real fear starts because the abuser will instill the fear of either killing their victim; their family or, if there are children the abuser may threaten to harm the children or have the victim believe she will never get her children as she is an unfit mother. The victim is basically brainwashed; lost all confidence in themselves; has been alienated from her family and friends and has nowhere to turn. The fear is real and the threats from the abuser are often real as well.
Is it normal for a victim who has figured out her abuser to want to scream 'You are an abuser and you need serious help' during an argument?
Not to scream it, but definitely let them know
What happens if the victim does not show up to a domestic violence case in New York?
The court will record the fact the victim did not turn up for a domestic violence case and it will be up to the victim's lawyer to decide what is next. Sometimes the victim of abuse feels threatened by her abuser or has been threatened to drop the case against the abuser.
How exactly can a victim get counseling if she is still living with her abuser and is afraid that he will sabotage her healing process by using her therapy against her?
I'm a qualified counsellor. Your therapist can NOT use your private information and give it to your abuser. Everything you say to your counsellor is 100 percent private and confidential. Counselling may be of some help to you but you will not be happy and settled untilyour abuser is out of your life. If your abuser is still living with you then counselling wont make much of a difference. See your doctor and speak to him about the abuse you're suffering and your doctor will arrange something for you.
Why do people suggest leaving an abuser as a means of solving the problem when the reality is that in an abusive relationship the abuser will rage at the victim no matter where she lives?
First off, by leaving, you are removed from immediate danger of being physically hurt, or even killed, by your abuser. You may feel you know the person who abuses you well, you may feel that he would never take a weapon to you or attempt to kill you. Unfortunately, you cannot always predict an escalation in abuse. It is true that there are cases requiring a restraining order or order or protection to keep yourself legally safe from an individual, even if you have moved. However, while the abuser may be intitially more threatening or manipulative (begging for forgiveness, promises to stop the abuse, go to counseling, etc.), he may tire or resent trying to get control over you and decide to move on to another victim, especially if there is some amount of physical distance between you and him.
