Why does it take a victim some 30 years of a bad marriage before they realize they have been emotionaly abused?

Answer 1

First off we have to consider what emotional abuse is. A marriage that lasts many years will most certainly have had arguements or misunderstandings with their mates. The trick is how to handle these situations.

Unforuntately, most of us were never warned that both men/women go through menopause (men to a lesser degree) and both can be grouchy. Emotions rule our lives as you know, so often it can be caused by the above or simply an illness can cause this.

After many years of marriage we are use to each other like a good old pair of slippers and, especially when the husband retires and he has not planned to make good use of his time the husband can get either depressed or verbally abusive. It all depends on the person's personality.

Growing old is a hard one. Many of us will look back and "what ifs" or "I should have done that when I was young" but the bottom line is, most of us were too busy with life to fit all that in and we must make peace with ourselves over these "what ifs." Even though we are aging there is so much life out there and still so many things to do and we can make a difference.

One must look back on their marriage to see if there were more good years than bad ones. If you feel your mate has been verbally abusive to you all those years then you are going to have to decide what you want from life. You are never too old to change. Good luck Marcy

Marcy, you hit the nail on the head. After years with the same partner..it is just like an old pair of slippers. You don't know anything else. I have been in a verbally/emtionally abusive relationship for 17 years. You have your past in common. You build a life together. You ignore the abusive behavior or make excuses for it, which I have done since day 1. We have a business together. No children together, but each of us have children and now grandchildren from previous marriages. It is a strange tie that binds. People in these types of relationship have to decide for themselves when the time is right to stay or continue. There will be a "light bulb" moment to decide that. I am close to leaving, hopefully safely. You just have to plan.