Why won't your husband discuss an affair he had with you if you need to talk about it in order to accept what happened?

Answer 1

Why would you ask, don't do that to yourself? TRUST me, let it go... Your husband needs to be honest about how long the affair went on, when/how it started, and who the individual is he was cheating with. These are reasonable questions. If he refuses to answer them, he seems to be hoping that all of this will just "go away" and you both can keep going on with your lives. It's not that easy. If he wants to earn your trust, he needs to be honest with you about the affair and make it clear that it is over. However, if you are asking questions about gritty details (i.e. sexual) it's no suprise that your husband is umcomfortable with this. I don't think finding out all about the dirty deeds will make you feel better. If he wants to save the marriage, he needs to acknowledge the affair and what happened overall. He needs to have no contact with this other person. I would also suggest martial counseling for your both. Because he doesn't want you to know. Get a new guy, this ones broken, at least as far as your concerned. I must humbly diasagree with the above post. The reason a man does not want to explain the sexual details is because this will hurt you even more. The fact of the matter is this; he cheated on you, and you two are obviously trying to save your marriage. Do not ask the little details about sexual contact, because this will add fuel to the fire.. Believe me, these are questions that are irrelavent to the saving of your marriage. What he did is over. There is absolutely NOTHING you two can do to change it. Let it go...

Answer 2

Tell you if she was better at everything than you are, Because the answer is No not really, she was good at somethings and not the same at others, and I don't just mean SEX, but of course this was a nonsesual affair. Why wont he tell you that he just needed a break from you, what did you do that was so wrong to make him want to get a break, The answer is you did nothing wrong, he is a coward and instead of telling you that he is trapped in a crises he ran to someone else. I have been there and done that...And yes I am still angry after 10 years Divorced. But at least he gave me answers to my questions after the Divorce. And Guys that means alot to us...it is better to tell us the truth if you want to be around longer. If you are asking why he won't give you all the details of what happened, the reason he did what he did, or things of that nature. Maybe it's not really what you want to hear, maybe he doesn't want to hurt you further, maybe it's a combination of things. People tend to shut down from talking when they feel boxed in. I would give it some time and maybe it's something that can be better dealt with through therapy one on one or marriage counseling.