Why would a man who has never fantasized about gay sex or looked at a man with desire place an internet ad for gay sex?

Answer 1

You place an ad for gay sex if you want gay sex, or are playing some really weird prank- A desire for gay sex could simply be 'experimental' (No romantic attraction, but physical interest/curiosity) or known interest with romantic attraction. Obviously, if there was repulsion on your part to something the guy said he wanted to do, doesn't mean there wasn't interest in the first place, (you placed the ad) even if the interest was brought forward while perusing different online sex sites. In addition to repulsion to a particular sex act, could be a feeling that the interst redifines you in some way, even if it's mild, or seldom actively experienced. Individual acts seem to be less repulsive to you after experimenting with your wife, but considering the same acts with a man are likely to feel weird, since these don't fit your self image. The most important parts of any relationship are love and trust. Your wife is clearly concerned about whether or not she can trust you, and if you are in a monogamous relationship, cultivating that trust is important. Understanding yourself, and interests is also important. People (and animals) fall many places on the sexual continuum, but this doesn't always mean a strong romantic attraction to both genders. Of course, you might also want to know what something feels like... It sounds to me like you're fishing for a way to paint this that would be more acceptable to your wife, and perhaps to you. This would be hard, since you only have certain facts to work with: You placed two ads for gay sex. Emails were exchanged with two respondents, and then you called one of them, and discussed sex. -Now you want to know why a man with no sexual interst in men would do this. :-) Talk to your wife, and make sure she knows your real feelings about her. Let her know you will never cheat on her, and do what it takes to make this the truth. Relationship counseling, conversations, letters, and exchanging gratitudes help some. Should your wife and you ever go separate ways, or enter an 'open' relationship with each other would be the time to experiment with another. In the mean time, you have one very important choice to make: Honor your wife, or cheat on her. Right now, it might not seem like a hard choice, but know that things going on beneath the surface could catch you radically off guard given the right circumstances, and if it's beneath the surface, you're likely to say"Nah!" Talking with a friend, or counselor could really help, even if it's "not a big deal." Blessings, and Best of Luck! I am the one who asked the question...I would like to elaborate...what marcy said is true you never know what's inside another person's head...but I have never had gay or bisexual fantasies...but at the age of 41 did place a couple of ads...my wife found out and we nearly split of course. I had maybe 2 emails with one guy-but nothing else....about 2-3 months later I got another email(different guy)-I had honestly forgot about the ads and was suprised...I called the guy and we talked...I told him I was straight and wasn't sure why I had placed it...he started talking about what he wanted to do to me-I was on cell and driving-I had to pull over to puke(I never told my wife this I didn't figure she would believe me). A few days later I deleted one ad but family came in room and I didnt get the other...wife found it due to me forgetting to close my email account...then she found the sent file on the earlier email after I had told her the one was all-lying to try and keep from looking worse knowing that a history of a few months would make it look like I had actually been fooling around...I still don't have a good explanation for this...read some psychology books and found 2 general theories for self-destructing a marriage....1.I have resentment for my wife and did this to hurt her....2.I had a happy marriage which I had to sabotage to revert to unhappy atmosphere at home to feel "normal" i.e. as in my childhood........neither fits to me.......I'm struggling to win back my wife...we are together and she loves me but there is a shell around her I may never break back thru....I have been struggling for almost a year when I realized the other day I was not giving it my all for fear of ridicule for my trying to do romantic things for her....My new philosophy is all or nothing...I will be her best friend and she will fall in love with me all over or she will get sick of me and tell me to leave. The strange thing is since I've done this I've fallen even deeper in love with her...I'm doing things for her now that I never enjoyed before-and now I'm loving them! I know she is one in a million and could do much better than me. I will spend the rest of my live making this up to her if possible. It sounds to me like you are trying to justify your actions with psychological reasoning that does not make sense. How could you have tried to ruin your marriage if you were attempting to keep this from her. You did not show her the websites, nor purposefully keep them on the computer. It was all accidental. Psychology does not explain that...You obviously intended on one of two things. 1.) You are having feelings for men but are disgusted with yourself of 2.) You wanted to feel WANTED by someone, and felt good when you got the responses from the men. My personal theory is that "men are basically sexual pigs" (I say this being a man) and will look for sex whereever they can find it. For most heterosexual men this is with women, but all one need do is look at prison life to see how men will easily alter this dynamic when it suits their purposes or situation.