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Beyond the mundane necessity of finding just the right location for the perfect sports bar, other issues will soon come into play that will threaten to bring the dream crashing down. The aspiring owner will quickly discover that venture capitalist and loan shark mean the same thing. If having working kneecaps is vital to the success of the bar, hopefully grandad’s passing down on the farm can have some meaning. By whatever means financing is secured, the owner will soon find out that riding a tiger is not as easy as it sounds.
-People with expertise need to be hired to run the place. The first rule of thumb in the sports bar business is that cousin is not the same as expert. Paroled arsonists and embezzlers would also be poor choices, though the embezzler would possess a certain amount of expertise. The second rule of thumb is if you have to choose between your cousin or the arsonist, always pick the torch. A certain skill set may make the arsonist a valuable asset down the road. Get employee recommendations from the loan shark. Whoever is hired to manage the Bounty, make sure they have people skills. You will need a Mr. Christian to your Captain Bligh.
-Televisions need to be placed everywhere. The place should look like a scene from the Matrix. A stunning fact often lost on sports bar owners is that people can watch television while in the restroom. You can find phones and somebody’s uncle handing out towels in the restroom, but no tv. That rumor you heard as a teenager about going blind in the bathroom is a myth, if you get my drift. While the really big screens should be placed strategically around the lounge, smaller televisions should be placed in the corners. People exist that want to watch minor sports or cheer for teams that amount to nothing more than overpaid roadkill.
-Chicken wings are the entree of choice by which all sports bars are judged. Really drunk customers (your regulars) will sing the praises of your secret sauce even if the wings are drenched in ketchup. Pleasing the more discerning patrons will be more difficult. Some sort of signature sauce that you discovered after a six-pack while barbecuing will usually suffice. The more secret the recipe the more people like it. Now, belly up to the bar and burn the place down!
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