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The first alternative "... hold on to ..." is better for several reasons:

1. The verb is basically "to hold on" - even though it's usually "to" something

2. The word "onto" usually refers to a destination for movement (no movement in this sentence)

3. We could also say, "Why do you hold on, despite her kindness, to that bitterness?"

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Q: Which sentence is right why do you hold on to that bitterness or why do you hold onto that bitterness?
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