How can you have your 75-year-old in a nursing home if the doctor says she can never live alone again and you have 4 kids and cannot take care of her?

Answer 1

I can certainly understand how you feel. My husband and I are in our early 60s and no children. My mother was very hard to handle and it turned out she had Dementia. You would need your family doctor (or a doctor at the clinic) to try two ways of evaluating this elderly person: #1 You could go to her home with a psychiatrist (your doctor has provided) and they can evaluate her and she will just think she has visitors or #2 try and "pink slip" her. I live in Canada, but, the doctor will know what you mean when you mention "pink slip." This means if they can get that elderly person into hospital due to illness or a fall then they will "pink slip" her and detain her until a Nursing Home can be provided and she will be accessed by a psychiatrist as to whether she is able to live alone or not. If this person is mentally capable of living alone there isn't much you can do, but become Power of Attorney (granted to you by this elderly person) and spend this person's money for the care they may need in their own home. There can be someone come in to check her vitals, make sure she is eating well, do her grocery shopping, make sure she takes her medications and makes doctor's appointments. There can be a housecleaner that comes in once to twice a week. This way it would take the stress of you. Be careful what doctors say and ALWAYS GET A SECOND OPINION! I am 64 years old and have all my faculties and very active, and I'm not that far off of 75. The years go much faster as you grow older. If this person has hurt themselves and is wheel chair bound, they can still live a healthy life at home. Most of the elderly just want to live with dignity and be as independent as they can be. If this person is bed-ridden then of course you would need that Power of Attorney in order to use her money to help her. If you do this be sure you keep a ledger of all monies spent and all receipts. You are going to need them when this person passes away. If this person is your mother and you are willing to take over "Power of Attorney" (with her blessing) then here are some things you must do: Have all her accounts put into joint accounts where your name is on them I live in Canada and we call them RIFs, and what they are is a tax Dodge for your money for retirement. I am sure you call them 401Ks? Your name could be on these too, but there is one drawback ... when this person passes away and the Will is read and it goes to Probate, then things like Cdn., RIFs are treated separately and because your name would be on it, the taxes would be added on to your personal taxes. I hope you don't put your mother in a nursing home if she is just wheel chair bound or even bed ridden and hopefully she has enough money where you can provide her with the care at home. If not, then a nursing home is the best for her. When I dealt with my own mother, I always asked myself "what if it was me where this person is now, what would I feel like?" That question helped me make good choices even though some of those choices hurt my heart, but it also helped me treat my mother not as a nuisance, but as a person I loved and I wanted to maintain her dignity and thank God, I managed that. This sort of thing in life where the ones we love grow old is a painful journey not just for them, but for us as well. If this elderly person is your husband's mother, then get him off his butt to do some of this. You can help him, but it's not 100% your responsibility. Good luck God Bless Marcy