What is a good Mormon joke?

Answer 1

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly called the "Mormon" church) are usually pretty good about laughing at their unusual lifestyle. Here are some jokes told by members of the Church in a discussion board:

Utah Residency Test

You must be able to answer yes to 10 or more of the following questions to qualify for permanent residency in the state of Utah. Failure to do so qualifies you as a temporary resident only.

Do you have a bumper sticker that says "Families can be Forever"?

Was the mother of the bride pregnant at your wedding?

Did a member of your family write in Lavelle Edwards for President in the last election?

If you shop on Sunday, do you post date the check?

Does your mother have purple or amber plastic grapes in the attic?

Were you an aunt or uncle before you attended kindergarten?

Do you have 2 gallons of ice cream in the freezer at all times?

Do you consider peanut butter on the seat of your car an accessory?

When you take a family to a restaurant, do you ask for extra plates?

Do you consider "dam" a swear word?

Does your family consider a trip to McDonald's a night out?

Do you believe you have to be 18 to order coffee in a cafe?

Are at least two of your salad bowls at neighbor's houses?

Do you think Jack Daniels is a country western singer?

Do you consider your temple recommend a credit reference?

When your ward basketball team plays, is it similar to the L.A. riots?

Do you have an uncontrollable urge to arrive at meetings 5 minutes late?

Did you meet your spouse at BYU or on "Your Mission."

Can you make a Jell-O with fruit salad without a recipe?

Do you bring cola home from the store in a brown paper bag?

Do your children believe that deer hunting is a national holiday?

Do you negotiate prices at a garage sale?

Do you feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football?

Do you think red punch and green Jell-O are the main ingredients for a successful party?

Do your kids think Jell-O is a major food group?

When you pick someone up at the airport, do you bring at least 1/3 of your relatives and have a family reunion at the gate?

Do you have a "Quiet Book" as part of your library?

Are you embarrassed if any of your children are more than two years apart in age?

Do you say "Gawl", "Heck", or "Fetch" more than once a day?

Do you travel on Morris Air Service at least once a year?

Do you think "Ignernt" means rude?

Does it take more than one car to get all your kids over to Grandma's house?

Do you have any relatives named LaDell, LaVelle, LaDawn, or LaVerle (how about LaDurl)?

Does your 2 year supply of food include more than 40 pounds of candy?

Do you keep a supply of butcher paper on hand to make large "Welcome Home" banners?

Do you refuse coffee but accept all offers of Excedrin?

Do you think it is more prestigious to go to BYU than Harvard?

Do you have relatives in California doing everything they can to "Move Back"?

Do you shop for wedding gifts at D.I?

Does your family take Mormon Tequila to family reunions? (Ingredients of Mormon Tequila: Kool-aid with gummi worm in the bottom.)

Has anybody in your family ever taken Cheerios in a sandwich bag or Tupperware dish to church?

Have you ever made a major purchase at D.I (Couches, appliances, electronics)?

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A man was being shown around heaven by St. Peter. He noticed a far off cliff and asked St. Peter, "What is over there?" St. Peter told him that it was hell and that he shouldn't look down because it was too horrible. The man, rather curious, looked over the edge anyway. He saw neat little farms sitting in a beautiful green valley surrounded by groves of fruit trees. The man said to St. Peter, "Hey, that doesn't look so bad!" Concerned, St. Peter also looked over the edge and exclaimed, "Darn it! Those Mormons are irrigating again!"

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My son's a CTR ... I go to PEC.

I work for CES....I study the TG.

I read the B of M .... I probe the D&C.

I search the KJV ... I ponder the JST.

Today in BYC ... we planned for EFY.

I stayed a little after ... and had a PPI.

The YM and YW ... are putting on a play.

It's one that I remember ...we did in MIA.

Before our oldest son ...went in the MTC,

He helped the BSA .... complete their SME.

Soon our oldest daughter ... is heading for the Y.

Soon our oldest clothing ... is going to DI.

Now, if you've understood ... this alphabetic mess,

The chances are quite good ... that you are LDS

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YOU MIGHT BE A MORMON IF...

If you've ever used the phrase "bless those who aren't here this time that they can be here next time."

If you've ever used the above phrase while offering a prayer at a state prison, youth detention facility or other place of confinement.

If you think "ignorant" means rude.

If you think the word ignorant is pronounced "ignernt"

If you think BYU's holiday bowl victory over SMU in 1980 is proof of the true church.

If you still talk about the holiday bowl victory of 1980.

If you refuse to accept the fact that the two BYU players on either end of that "miracle pass" were Catholic.

Even though he was born and raised in Connecticut, you consider Steve Young a Utah native.

If you couldn't raise your children in Utah, Connecticut would be your second choice.

If you've ever used the words: fetch, flip, scrud, or oh-my-heck.

If you ever apologized for using such language.

If you've ever used your temple recommend as a check protection card.

If you hide your recommend in the back of your wallet when you shop on Sunday.

If you believe Jell-O is one the basic food groups.

If you've ever mixed Jell-O with any kind of meat.

If you like Jell-O mixed with any kind of meat.

If you have your order in for volume 25 of "The Work and The Glory"

If you use the dust jacket from "The Work and The Glory" so you can read romance novels in public.

If you've ever quoted "The Work and The Glory" in a talk or a lesson.

If you feel that "The Work and The Glory" would be better if it took place in Connecticut and the hero's name was Steve.

If you were shocked to find out that the cast and crew of "Touched By An Angel" were not Mormon.

If you feel that "Touched By An Angel" would be better if it took place in Connecticut and the hero's name was Steve.

If you can come up with at least 10 good excuses as to why Steve Young isn't married.

If you believe any of those excuses.

If you've ever passed a rumor about a major celebrity appearing on a major talk show wearing a CTR ring and announcing that he has joined the Mormon church. (Steve Martin in 1996, Harrison Ford in 1993, Jack Klugman in 1988, Woody Allen in 1982)

If you've ever believed that rumor.

If you still believe that rumor.

If you're planning to read this list during Family Home Evening.

If, while giving a presentation in a public place such as a board meeting, you have ever inadvertently ended with, "in the name of . . ."

If you've ever ended your presentation with those words deliberately.

If, during the NBA finals in 1997, you felt guilty when the TV announcer said that Larry Miller was not watching the game because of religious beliefs.

If you shut the TV off.

If you felt better when Larry Miller showed up after all.

If all your children are named after Old Testament Prophets.

Even your daughter Zerubbabel.

If you ran out of Old Testament names before you ran out of children.

If you were shocked to find out that the 24th of July was not a national holiday.

If you refer to the days of '47 royalty as "The queen and her two counselors."

If at least one member of your family has a pseudo-French name such as LaVell, LaDell, or Bidet.

If your mother-in-law was pregnant at your wedding.

If at least one of your salad bowls is at your neighbor's house.

If you're father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.

If, while teaching a lesson in Relief Society meeting, you've ever apologized for not preparing a center piece.

If, while teaching a lesson in Priesthood meeting, you've ever apologized for not preparing a lesson.

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A Mormon guy in line to get lunch leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Mormon joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an anti-Mormon. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's an anti-Mormon. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's an anti-Mormon. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."

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If you're not Mormon, you belong to a non-prophet organization.