How do you know if you are an abuser like your wife says you are?

Answer 1

You could be a mental or physical abuser to your wife. If you call her names constantly, always remind her of how stupid she is; she can't cook well; is ugly; put her down constantly in front of your friends, etc., or you shove, push, hit or beat her (causing injuries to her body) you are an abuser. Even if you try to control her by threats of violence you are an abuser. An abuser is all about control. It's usually learned behavior within their own family or they have been excessively spoiled. An abuser wants control simply because he or she does not have control and the odd thing is .... even if you beat your victim (yes, that's right ... the abused is a victim) you will never totally own that person. You can beat them, terrify them, but you will never own their soul! Abusers need to control the environment around them and have everyone do their bidding. Since most of society would tell the abuser to "hit the road" the only one that the abuser has under their control is his girlfriend/wife and perhaps children. Abusers are actually weak of character and they know it. Within an abuser there is rage. It could be they were beaten themselves and had no control over the situation, they could have been bullied at school or didn't fit in. There are many reasons. There is psychiatric help to get to the bottom of the rage the abuser feels if they so decide to seek it out. If you feel you are abusive or you have problems that you can't resolve please seek out a good psychologist (does not prescribe medications) or a psychiatrist (they can prescribe medications.) There are also groups you can join so you don't feel so alienated. Please get the help! If you don't it will eventually all catch up to you and you can actually go to prison for physically abusing a partner (that includes women abusing men.) If you drink try and stop. If you do drugs the same applies. These two social beings do nothing to help your situation. I am proud you have come to this board to figure out if you are an abuser. It takes guts! Now that your post has been answered you have to decide if you are an abuser (be honest with yourself) and if you are please use that courage to seek out help. Good luck Marcy The answer about abuse is incorrect,,each person in a relationship has a role, its necessary to follow those responsibilities or the relationship will fail.