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How do you respond when your abusive partner calls you an abuser after threatening to leave?
Wiki User
∙ 8y ago
I confronted my abuser and said that I need a healthy relationship and I won't continue to be in an abusive one. I said that I would leave if abuse continued. She admitted to verbal abuse and being controlling, but she also said that "it is not as bad as I say it is." She also says that I am an emotional abuser because I threatened to leave, and says that I am controlling her because I want her to change.
Now she is the "victim" and I am the "abuser" she says. What do I do?
abusers often assume the mantle of victimhood and martyrhood. Acting the eternal victim allows them to garner symapthy and support, abuse their victims by proxy, and still feel morally superior.
There are two ways to cope with an abuser - to submit to him or to confront him.
What prompted you to threaten him/her to leave the relationship? Abuse. You are a victim twice. One, the abuse you have self-destructively and willingly tolerated. Two, the guilt that your partner is trying to inflict upon you for protecting yourself from any further deterioration.
Your partner is just trying to manipulate you further into staying. You wanted to leave because she abused you- so she decided to play the role of the victim to lay the guilt on you and get you to stay. Abusers love to play the role of the victim, and try to make you feel bad for trying to make yourself feel good.
Wiki User
∙ 8y ago
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Can a man from non-abusive upbringing become an abuser if abused by a partner who grew up in an abusive home with no therapy at all?
it is possible
Can a man from non-abusive upbringing become an abuser if with a partner who grew up in an abusive home with no therapy at all?
It is highly unlikely that man who does not have an abusive personality will become an abuser if their partner grew up in an abusive home and refuses help. Good men know they should never hit a woman which in some cases can lead to male abuse by a woman. The stress of being around an abusive person be it verbally or physical abuse is bound to have effects on the non abusive partner, but most men will only take so much and have the opportunity of leaving the relationship.
Should at least 1 appointment be made with an abuser program against an abuser's will if that's what's best for the family?
Yes, clearly the abusive family member wouldn't willingly attend something intended to correct his/her abusive behavior I they are indeed abusive.
Is your boyfriend abusive?
Many BFs, or boyfriends, are not abusive. If a boyfriend is abusive, the girl should leave the relationship and file charges. Do not keep going back to an abuser.
How long does the abusive partner stay away?
Many abusive partners are controlling and use either verbal abuse (calling the victim names; taking away their self confidence and alienating them from family and friends) to physical violence (hitting; kicking; giving the victim any wound on their body; split lip; missing teeth; black eyes or broken bones.) Often the abuse goes unreported and some abusive partners will actually take their victim into the hospital for treatment, but the victim can be fearful or brain-washed into thinking they can't get along without their abuser and will lie to protect the very person who abused them. If the abusive person is forced to leave their victim alone by a court of law or imprisoned there is still a high risk that the abuser feels their partner (victim) is still their property and may well go after the victim once again. Unfortunately, some abuser will feel 'if I can't have them then no one else is' and murder is involved. In a few cases the abusive partner will just walk away and not enter the victim's life again.
If you unintentionally make your spouse afraid one time during an argument Should you be labelled an abuser considering it was not intended and an Abuser knowingly repeats his Abusive ways?
Well if its UNintended, then no it doesn't make you a abuser. The abuser continues his abusive ways even after it's been brought up to him or her. Just be sure to talk to your spouse about this problem. Let them know that you are sorry for what you did and you did not mean to do it.
If an emotionally abused woman stands up to her abusive partner is she in turn being abusive as her partner says she is?
Only if the woman started the abusive in the first place. If not she's just sicking up for herself. If abusive partner is hit, yell ect. first then the woman is being abusive, but if the partner is being abusive first, the woman has every right to do it back. You are not at all being abusive back defending yourself! However, it seems that people who are in abusive relationships tend to mimic the behavior of the abuser--therefore in defending yourself you may find yourself doing the same behavior as the abuser. If you know this to be the case, than it is possible you yourself are being abusive. Abusers seldom change. The best thing for the spouse of an abuser is to sit down alone and make a decision as to whether they are going to stay or leave. In most cases the healthiest choice is to leave. Abuse is about control and the abuser will fight with everything he/she has to keep that control. It is often misunderstood that the abuser is a bully, in fact, the abuser is the weak one as they feel out of control in their own environment. In order to survive (in their own minds) they need to control what is around them. Unless the abuser is willing to seek out professional help (and most don't unless our judicial system forces this issue) then the spouse should leave this situation or they will lose all identity of who they are themselves. So, my answer to you is not to fight the abuser. You won't win! As the other poster pointed out you will usually get sucked into a void where you may become absusive yourself (verbally) because of the frustrating circumstances with which you are dealing with. When I say "leave" I know this is a very hard decision to make. Sometimes the fear factor comes into it for the victim and they often wonder how they will manage on their own. If children are involved this is difficult as well, but by staying in an abusive relationship you are teaching your children to become abusive as they start to grow and are soon set out in society. There are many groups out there today that are more than willing to accommodate your needs and to help you set a structure in your new life's endeavors. Good luck Marcy You realize this is a typical self-defence tactic of abusers? "I'm not the one with the problem, YOU ARE!" Typical..... Please read up on abusers and their tactics that they use to keep your under control. And remember, it's a losing battle with these people, pick up your stuff and leave. They never ever change. NEVER. A friend who knows how you feel
What happens to an abuser after the partner leave?
Who cares. They sure don't.
Is being reported to Law authorities as an Abuser ABUSE if you are not threatening her and have never physically touched your spouse?
There are other types of abuse other than physical abuse. If the alleged abuse falls into a recognized category of of known and documented abusive stereotypes, you could be prosecuted.
What is the primary motive of the abuser in an abusive relationship?
For the most part, those that show abusive behavior are reflectant of how they were treated during their childhood. Thus abusive behavior as adults is not only satisfactory because the abuser in a twisted way can identify with the abused, but also is a show of dominance and superiority for someone who, for the majority of their life as a child, were inferior to their caregivers.
Is a verbal abuser considered a sociopath?
sometimes a verbal abuser can be consider a sociopath they get involve and like the dirty talk and begin to make them feel and enjoy group talk that is abusive.
When does a court give an abuser custody of children?
When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determined to be abusive.When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determinedto be abusive.When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determinedto be abusive.When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determinedto be abusive.
