My best friend and I fell out. She treated me bad so I poured my heart out in a letter and she forwarded it like it was a joke and said I made everything up. She is selfish but I miss her. What to do?

Answer 1

The only thing that I can think of to answer this question is a personal story, and it's as much my rant as anything else, but maybe others can get some good over it and it wasn't a complete waste. Katrina and I were best friends for two years. We were both serious students, and there was a lot of competition between us for senior dux of our primary school. Everybody expected me to get it (I skipped a year, which is almost unheard of in Australia, and spent most of that year cleaning up academic award after award) but Katrina won by two marks. I swear to god I wasn't bitter, resentful, insincere or any of the rest of it. She was my best friend and I was happy for her. But that's when she decided that she was better than me. When we went into high school, she decided that the 'nerdy' things I sometimes did might 'damage her image'. She ditched me. Of course, she couldn't leave it at that. Every embarrassing thing I had ever done, everything that ever went wrong was inflated and spread around the school (with a few blatant lies mixed in) in a series of hurful whispered rumours and notes. She destroyed my reputation and laughed as my standing crumbled beneath me. I attempted to extract myself from the rubble with some semblance of dignity. Katrina attempted to get the screaming catfight that she obviously desired, but I stayed cool and retired battered, bruised and deflated but intact. I came through. I have new friends now. They mean as much to me as Katrina ever did.

Following the background, this bit will make sense:

Katrina always had a little streak that I wasn't sure I liked. I didn't want to admit it because she seemed so perfect to me. I have never been a follower, and Katrina was the only person who stuck up for me when everybody else chewed me out. But occasionally, I saw her bullying other girls. I tried to ignore it and I pretended that I hadn't seen it, convinced myself that it wasn't what it seemed and she was probably being dissed and was sticking up for herself. I was too insecure to end the friendship because I saw so much to like and I chose not to make much of what I saw as a minor character flaw. I wanted to be with her so badly, and I admired her too much. I have never done this again. The best advice that I can give you is to look back and be honest with yourself. How nasty is she being now, and why? Why did you fall out? Could it have been your fault? If she's that important to you, you should go and APOLOGISE. If it's not your fault, go back and be honest. Have you had niggling doubts for a while? Has something seemed a little wrong? I quote this directly but I forget where I got it from. It may actually have been this very website: "A friendship should be ended when you begin to suspect it never really began."