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What are your rights when the lender is verbally abusive?

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You may have other rights. Call a local attorney for state specific advice.ftc.gov§ 806. Harassment or abuse [15 USC 1692d]
A debt collector may not engage in any conduct the natural consequence of which is to harass, oppress, or abuse any person in connection with the collection of a debt. Without limiting the general application of the foregoing, the following conduct is a violation of this section:
(1) The use or threat of use of violence or other criminal means to harm the physical person, reputation, or property of any person.
(2) The use of obscene or profane language or language the natural consequence of which is to abuse the hearer or reader.
(3) The publication of a list of consumers who allegedly refuse to pay debts, except to a consumer reporting agency or to persons meeting the requirements of section 603(f) or 604(3)1 of this Act.
(4) The advertisement for sale of any debt to coerce payment of the debt.
(5) Causing a telephone to ring or engaging any person in telephone conversation repeatedly or continuously with intent to annoy, abuse, or harass any person at the called number.
(6) Except as provided in section 804, the placement of telephone calls without meaningful disclosure of the caller's identity.  
First of all if a collector is not a third party collector then FDCPA does not apply. Most lenders do however follow FDCPA and will disipline a collector up to termination. Most lenders also record conversations for quaility checks. I would suggest contacting the lender and requesting to speak to a manager or VP above the collectors manager. In most cases if you speak to the collectors manager the compliant will stay at that level. Check your state laws but you might want to record the next phone call yourself. You can get a mic cable for your receiver for under ten bucks.  
Try here
There is a sample letter to stop a collection agency from contacting you and your family. All in All demand that they not contact you and your family and tell them that if they do you will pursue violation of the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act in Fed. Court. You have to send the letter by certified mail, return receipt otherwise they can state they they never received anything.
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