What do you do if your boyfriend still loves his ex?

Answer 1

AnswerYou break up with him. If that makes him realize that he does in fact love you but has had a hard time accepting it or whatever, great. But you can't go on being with someone who loves another. It is bad for the psyche. AnswerI totally agree with the last answer. 4 years?! come on, you gave it a damn good try, but at the end of the day, you cant make someone love you, and lets hope he regrets taking you for granted and realises its you he wanted all along. Let him work for it though! Dont let him back so easy! AnswerI am in a similar situation so I tend to be a little more understanding than the other two answers. My boyfriend started dating me only five days after his ex of ten years. We have been together three years now and there is still unresolved issues between them because they never had the time to go through a normal break up. You need to look at the situation as a human with real human feelings. What would you do in his situation and how do you think you would feel? Does he really still love her or does he just care for her? Don't you care about your exs? And how do you know he is not in love with you? I accussed my boyfriend of the same thing. how could he love me if he continued inappropriate behavior/conversations with his ex? I almost kicked him out but I have a very good thing with him. He just needs time to work out his issues with her and I need to give him that time. I don't know if your problem is similar, if it is, don't be too hasty in your decision. You also don't want to be with someone if they really aren't in love with you. Remeber everyone loves someone differently. How you love your boyfriend is much different than you loved your ex. AnswerI am in a situation sort of like this. But before i tell my story i would like to ask that the few of you that read this, could you please send me some answers back to my email. I am not a member of this site. Me and my boyfriend have been together about nine months now. When we first started dating, I remember how his ex called while we were at a College Football game saying that she was at the same game and wanted to see him. She didn't know we were together so he told her and that was the end of that...Or so i thought. A few weeks later I find out that she had been trying to IM him on an instant messenger. And that he told her that he knew the true meaning of love when he met me and that he really saw a future with me. But the thing is, she still wants them to be friends. They dated for TWO years and to me that is a very long time. He claims that they were more of "friends" than anything and she says the same. He tells me that he doesn't care about her and she says that they are "Just friends". I know he wouldn't cheat on me but do you think he could still have feelings for her? He called her the other day when we got into a fight to wish her luck on a test she had to become a teacher...Maybe I'm being paranoid...PLEASE HELP!!! AnswerI am not sure if I understand exactly what you mean when you say "loves you deepy but is not in love with you." I have a similar situation and I understand what the 3rd commenter has said about how we love people differently.

I am sympathetic but you do want to carefully evaluate the situation and decide whether it is is something you can be comfortable with. That is the final answer, can you be ok with whatever this situation is? One question to ask yourself is why is he with you and not her? If it is totally her decision, you probably don't want to be with him. If she decided to take him back, would he leave you? That is not a situation you deserve to be in now or in such an event. Another question is how much do you love him, and what do you both want out of your relationship? If you are both looking for committment or security, and are both willing to provide it for each other, then you may not find a need to be the greatest love of each others lives. Just the one you each can live with.

My very serious boyfriend is actually an ex-college roomate's ex-boyfriend. She and I never got a long particularly well, and never tried to contact each other after moving out and she moved to the otherside of the continent. They broke up six months before we moved out, and had essessentially broken about 3-4 months before that. They, however, remained very close friends. We did not start dating until a year after that. I was somewhat uncomfortable because I had known them when they were dating and had always thought they would someday marry, but he and I had always have a positive friendship and I trusted his commitment to take things to the next level. I was often uncomfortable because he refused to have phone conversations with her around me. He mentioned that it was because it upset me (and her because she saw our dating as a betrayal on both our parts).

Then it happened. He inadvertantly left his laptop open one day, signed into his e-mail. There was an e-mail to her that was old but open, it was signed I love you, and I couldn't keep my nosy self away from the rest of his e-mail. I found only a few e-mails to her, but enough over the year and four months in which we had been dating that I was ready to dump him on the spot. We had just had an argument about whether he would go visit her during my birthday (which I won), and he had apparently professing love to her about 4 different times during our relationship. He had visited her once while we had been dating, and I had convinced him to cancel plans three other times.

When I discovered I had been duped I was about as furious as I could be. I had been living with the man for 9 months.

But I confronted him, and allowed him to explain/apologize. I did not believe his explanation (that saying I love you was just a habit that never died out) but I believed his apology. I offered to accept that he may always love her in some way (as I can understand that if people stay friends a certain amount of emotion can remain). He refused to take the out I offered and inisted that he didn't love her. I explained to him that I could handle having found about a situation like this once, and if he didn't use the word love or anything like it with her again that we would be ok. But I let him know that if anything like this happened in the future I likely could and would not deal with it. I let him know that it hurt me, to the core, and that I would not willingly be in a relationship where I was hurt that much even if it was unintentional on his part.

Just decide what your level of willingness is, and make sure you are both comfortable and not getting used.

AnswerThat probably means he loves you, but is infatuated with her. He should do his best to overcome his infatuation by not thinking about her, and not spending time around her. AnswerWow! I am in the exact same situation :( Exact. I had a long deep conversation with my boyfriend of four years last night as i wanted to know where we stand (women's intuition thing going on recently) and we got talking about love....i havent been feeling the sparks for a long time now and i knew something was up and i asked him directly... do you really truly love me? and i couldn't believ he said I DONT KNOW, I CARE FOR YOU A LOT, BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ANYMORE.... and he carried on to confessing he couldn't really ever get over the love he had for his ex (who is married now) and he doesnt think he can ever love again WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOUR YEARS! I feel wasted, hurt and broken. So what if he's been in love before, this was my first time, and yes i gave 100% to it? Dont my feelings deserve to be responded to? Why doesnt he love me back? AnswerMake a decision. If this is OK with you then stay with him. If it is unacceptable then you need to move on. I would lean towards moving on. Surely this has to bother you or you wouldn't be asking this question. I think he's full of you know what. Answeri really don't know what to do in your situation actually i just got word that my bf for 6 months is still hanging out with his ex and still might be in love with her. i think that's the one reason why i read your story cause I'm trying to figure out an answer too. Me and my bf met 6 months ago in a club and since then we have been going out. I've met his parents and everything and they love me to death. His mom has always told me about his ex but i just always thought that he was just friends with her and like some have said you will always have feeling for your ex. Today his mom called me saying taht he went out with his exs best friend and that is ex is back in town for a couple days and that she is staying with her friends. My bf didn't say anthing about his ex being there just made up a story saying he was going out with his friends for coffee. Its gotten me really worried cause i thought things were going great between us but i don't know anymore theres just so much doubt. I want to trust him so much and i don't know who to believe anymore. hes talked a little bit about his ex and made it seem like he didn't care about her anymore but actions speak more then words. I'm hoping they are just friends and theres nothing going on between them but how do you know and will i ever know. I've been told that i need to talk to him about this but what if my intuition is wrong will it scare him away for good will he think i don't trust him. or will it clear up some things. the one thing is i don't want to let him go cause hes the best thing that's happen to me but i know if the time came where he tells me he wants her insteadof me i would let him go cause i want him to be happy. AnswerPlease sit back and read this question you posed. He's supposed to be your boyfriend, in love with his ex, after all this time, loves you deeply but is not in love with you. What part of confusion don't you get. He is either playing you and still seeing his ex or other woman, and using you for a crutch or financial means. You deserve much better than this crap. You HAVE to give him an ultimatum and tell him to go to counseling for relationship issues or move on with your lives. After four years of eating, sleeping and whatever else constitutes your so called relationship how cant he be in love with you. The whole idea of being a couple is to cultivate a relationship and all its facets into something meaningful. Like a beautiful orchid that only blooms once every hundred years. The time, devotion, care , love and tenderness it needs to achieve its ultimate goal depends on more than one thing or person just like a relationship and you my dear are basically the compost right now. Dont waste anymore of your time and get to the bottom of this and live your life not for someone else. AnswerIf he's not in love with you, he can't "love you deeply." As long as he hasn't given up on his ex, you will always be second, and a nice sexual diversion. He's really mixed up, and you are helping him stay that way. AnswerMy borfriend is always trying to make his ex laugh. i get so furutrated he wont even hug me nowadays wht do i doso i will follow wht everyone else said

Answer

There is definitely a difference b/t loving somebody and "in-love" with someone. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months now. He is a divorced man of 5 years, and a father of two boys. During the time we first dated, he admit to me that he loves his ex-wife. He dreams about her constantly and still do today. At first, I thought that he just needed time to be able to move forward from her and that the more time he spends with me, the easier he can move forward. We broke up a few weeks after we got together because he started seeing his ex-wife in me and couldn't forget about her. He loves her. That hurt me so much. However, after a day or two, he asked me out again and told me that he is going to give his heart to me and that he thought about it and believe he deserves to be happy. He said he wanted me. I gave him another chance. Yes, we have many ups and downs and the situation with his ex-wife is still bothering me today after 10 months. I love this man so much that I don't know what to do anymore. He constantly have dreams about her coming back to him, and I was mostly just standing somewhere in his dreams. He told me that it felted so real in his dreams. After a day or two on the third or forth time we broke up, he posted a picture of his ex-wife on the fridge. However, once we got back together again he told me that he loves me more than her and that he wants to be with me. I am so scare, I might be making a mistake being with him. I am so afraid that what if one day she comes back and he leaves me. I have done so much for him within our 10 months together. He hasn't even seen his ex-wife since last summer or have talked to her, but somehow I can feel his love for her more than his love for me. I don't believe being close with an ex is a good idea. Doesn't matter if it's an ex gf or ex-wife. Be with a man who loves and is in love with only you as his woman. You don't want to be heart-broken. It's better to be safe and loved in the end.

Answer 2

if your boyfriend is still in love with his ex, move on and fast!, ive been there he cheated on me with her constantly, lied all the time who he was talking to. If he still loves her just tell him to make up his mind about what he wants and let him breathe he will realize what he had, and it was better than his ex. men are sleezy, and dont care about woman.! when are us unlucky girls going to get a special one who loves us for us and wont cheat or anything?!.

Answer 3

um....run away? You may need to sit down with your boyfriend and explain to him that the way he ends his e-mails, and the content of his e-mails make you feel like he does love her in more then just an innocent way. Don't give him an altumatim ('It's me or her' they run-trust me) But ask him to maybe tone down the e-mails a little bit. I hope this will help.

Answer 4

first of all ask him; you might be mistakened... if he is still in love with his x girfriend, then dump him... i am sure you can find someone more reliable and better!! have a great day! bye..

Answer 5

Listen to me. Hes messed up if he loves u but he still loves his x. If he breaks up with u for her its his loss! Let it go and move on cause hes obviously a seriously messed up guy who doesn't have a heart.